Collection of Unspoken Emotions

Antidote

"Tell me, is life worth living?
Do you think behind these pain, still I'll be successful in life?"

These are the questions I asked you when we we're still together, the times where I can still feel that your love for me is real.

You answered me with a kiss on a forehead and changed the topic instead.

Well, I guess maybe life is worth living for. For you, I will live...

We were so happy together. Those laughs, hugs and kisses that we've shared to each other gave me the hope to live longer.

I've never been this happy 'till I met you and painted my world with colors that I've unconsciously painted with black and white.

Staying inlove and happy with the person you love is priceless, but staying contented to one another is on a different level.

Well, you see my friend. I was once inlove. Just like what I've said awhile ago.
I was so inlove with the person who made me feel what's the feeling of being on a Cloud-9.

But that WAS before, not until the day you said, "I'm sorry shane, I think this is not working. I'm sorry but I did my best to help you but it looks like you're not receiving the help that I'm giving to you." And then you left me.

I thought you were my antidote already, but then I found out that you were almost the one who killed me.

And then, from the night where you left me from this Hospital bed... I did nothing but to cry and cry trying to find out what's wrong with me.

You.were.helping.me?
But I never saw any thing that you've done for me... well except for those Hospital visits , even though you're late with matching so many 'dramatic' excuses and quick hugs and kisses on the forehead before leaving me again after you've asked for some favor to help you about your studies because my Dad's a Dean where your school's at.

Is that what you call help?
Haha

I'm so angry and feel stupid at the same time, plus the humiliating moment where I thought there was an 'us' because OBVIOUSLY I'm not dumb and can read between the lines.

Days have passed still, I'm not okay... and seems like my health's not doing fine and have gotten worst than before, and by the way, I have a blood cancer; Leukemia.

It's a lesson for me. And I learned that maybe it's not bad to be Selfish and Selfless at the same time. Selfish because you know what's best for you, so you avoid those people who are and you know who will take you for granted, and Selfless for choosing yourself this time.

Maybe, If I knew that this day will come before. Maybe I've chosen to be selfish and saved myself for being taken for granted.

Funny isn't? I believed you from what you've said that you like me. Ofcourse! , I wouldn't think more if you didn't said only that words, atleast care to include the word as a 'friend' to me? But you didn't.

I wanted to blame and curse you for what you did, but all I can blame here is myself. I didn't guard my heart, I was swayed by the new feelings that I've felt and now I'm paying it with also myself.

Now, I'm reminding you (yes you, who's reading it (▰˘◡˘▰)  that it's okay to be selfish and selfless at the same time. And please, guard your heart because you have been trying to protect your heart for so long to let it just be torn apart by some random guy who's selfish enough to think anyone but himself alone.

You are precious and  more than enough to be taken for granted. If you're hurt, take your time... process can teach us so many lessons too and it will make us like brand new.

Now, I only have 1 month to live. I hope that this one month will be good to me. （＾－＾） *sighs*

Take care of yourself always... You are worth it, life is worth it.

Note:

hi, I'm back agaiinnnn. Sorry ulit if ang lame ulit neto? Hahahaha *wag naman sana huhu*  (╥﹏╥)

Siguro makakapag update ako every other day kung di ako busy hehe
(^O^)／

Pero sana nagustuhan niyo~~~~ thiz iz all for yaaahhh ＼(^o^)／

I love you all 💘 ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

xxx