Taylor

Chapter One

I stepped off the bus and glanced around at the neighborhood that had once been home to me. Although everything still somehow looked the same–even after four years–it didn't feel the same. The streets that had once held so many warm childhood memories now just seemed cold and empty.

I grabbed my duffel bag with one hand and shoved my other hand in my pocket as I walked the few blocks to my old house. It was the last place I wanted to be but the only place for me to go. With each step, my chest seemed to constrict tighter and tighter. By the time I made it to the driveway of my old house, it felt like I couldn't breathe. My heart was pounding against my chest as I reached the front step; tunnel vision set in and all I could see was the doorknob that would lead me inside, but I couldn't seem to move any closer.

I forced my eyes to close and took slow, deep breaths the way I had been taught. It seemed like an eternity had passed before my breathing became normal and the tightness in my chest finally released enough to move. I unlocked the front door, quickly shoving it open before I could change my mind. Stepping inside, I flipped on the living room lights. Nothing had changed. All of the furniture was in the exact same spot as I remembered, including the worn out brown recliner that my mother had loved.

With a shake of the head, I took a step back, shut the door, locked it, and shoved my keys back in my pocket. I just couldn't do it. I walked down the sidewalk until I found the closest bar.

My mouth watered when I stepped inside the crowded place and approached the bartender whose back was facing me. I dropped my duffel bag onto the ground beside me and sat down just as the bartender turned around. To my surprise–and horror–a familiar pair of eyes met mine with an equal amount of shock.

"Taylor?"

"Hi, Sabrina...." I looked away in discomfort, instantly regretting my decision to come here.

"Wow, it's been forever! How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Just really need a drink. Cheap whiskey'll do."

Sabrina grabbed a bottle from the bottom shelf and poured the brown liquid into a glass before passing it to me. I made the mistake of looking back up at her and found a smile playing at her lips. I gave her a small smile in return before downing the glass of whiskey and pushing it back toward her with a nod. She raised an eyebrow but refilled my drink, which I guzzled once again.

"So, what brought you back?" Sabrina asked as she poured me another glass. "I didn't think I would ever see you again."

"Nowhere else to go."

"Where are you staying?"

I closed my eyes as the liquid ran down my throat–each glass allowing me to relax a little more. "Well, I have to sign some papers, but I guess I inherited my old house."

"Oh, Taylor, I'm so sorry to hear–"

"It's fine," I interrupted, not at all interested in her sympathies. Even though it had been a couple years since my father's death, I didn't want to think about the day I had heard about it. I pushed my glass to her and she hesitated.

"Would you like some water or food to go with that?"

I rubbed my forehead and sighed. "Not really, thanks." She poured another glass, but this time less than before, which instantly irritated me. "Listen, I don't need a babysitter, alright? I just want my glass poured when it's empty until I tell you I'm done."

A look of hurt flashed across her face before she buried it behind a smile. "You got it."

She poured another drink but this time she walked away. I could feel the sting of guilt, but it was a feeling I had grown accustomed to. I drowned it out with another swallow of whiskey.

I was beginning to feel the familiar buzz in my head and smiled as my worries and pain seemed to slowly disappear. I knew it was only temporary–it always was–but it was worth it. Anything was worth it to keep the anxiety and images from taking over. I set the glass down and leaned back in my chair, no longer feeling the need to chug drinks. The next glass I sipped slowly as I glanced around at the rest of the people sitting at the bar. Most people seemed to be with someone; only a few sat alone like I did, and I couldn't help but wonder what they were trying to drown out.

I raised my glass for another sip, but the alcohol ended up on my pants instead as someone behind me fell into me, knocking my drink from my hand. I stood and quickly spun around, grabbing the laughing man by the shirt collar.

"Watch it," I warned as I pushed him away from me. The man stumbled slightly in surprise. He looked at his buddies who were laughing at him, then turned back to me with his chest puffed out.

"You watch it," he growled, stepping forward and shoving me back. My fist instantly shot out and landed against his jaw sending him to the ground. All I could see was red as anger flooded my entire body.

The next thing I knew, I was being jerked to my feet with my arms held behind my back. I glanced around the room in confusion; all eyes were on me. I looked down at the floor and found the man who had shoved me laying on the ground with blood on his face. My heart skipped a beat. I turned to look at Sabrina who stared back in shock. The bouncer tried to keep my arms locked behind me, but I easily disengaged his grip and pushed him off of me. I pulled my wallet out, threw a hundred dollar bill toward Sabrina, then turned and left the building knowing I would never be welcome back. Which was nothing new.

I stumbled back to my house and this time it was a lot easier to enter. I made my way to my old room and pushed the door open. Just like the rest of the house, nothing had changed. When my father and I had moved, the only things we had taken were clothes and a few important items. I laid down on the dusty, stale smelling red comforter and stared up at the popcorn ceiling. I could still find all of the same weird shapes, including the one that looked like a frowning old man. With a deep sigh, I turned on my side only to find a pair of blue eyes staring back.

The familiar smiling face surprised me; it was one I hadn't seen in years and didn't really care to see right now. I flipped the picture of Luke and me over and rolled the other direction. It didn't take long for me to fall into a dreamless sleep, something I was glad alcohol caused.

~*~

The sound of banging woke me from my deep slumber. I sat up in confusion, my heart pounding against my chest as panicked thoughts raced through my head. I reached under my pillow out of instinct only to find nothing there. The banging sounded again but this time I realized I was at my old house and someone was at the front door. I lay back down and stared up at the ceiling as I rubbed my hands over my face, willing my heart to slow down. I hoped whoever was at the door would go away, but another set of bangs told me they wouldn't leave until I answered the door.

With an annoyed growl, I sat along the edge of the bed, giving my myself a moment before standing. The throbbing sensation that coursed through my side had me sitting down once again. I let out a frustrated sigh and forced myself up, pushing through the pain as I headed to the front door. Another series of bangs caused me to snap.

"I'm coming, damnit!" I yelled down the hall before I reached the door. I swung it open in anger, but it quickly turned to confusion. "What are you doing here?