Shut Up, Padfoot!

21

Birds chirped in the window by my side.

Groaning, I lifted my wrist to my eyes to rub them. The sunlight glistened along the bricks and cement walls, the orange hue highlighted them.

Last night's events replayed in my mind.

Shooting up in bed, I looked around me.

Sirius jumped out of sleep and panicked when he saw me with overwhelming concern. My throat tightened and I looked at my surroundings.

"Where's Moony? Is he okay?" I questioned.

"Fawkes.. hey, calm down," Sirius soothed.

"No, no.. is he okay? Is he hurt?" I cried.

My fingers trembled and my tone shook. Sirius took my hand. My attention diverted to it and I flickered my eyes up to his.

He smiled sadly and gazed at me. His eye bags were apparent and his hair is messy. Dirt stained his clear skin like black on canvas but his eyes glittered with love.

"He's fine. He's right there," he pointed to my side, "Worry about yourself first, okay, love?" he teased.

I swallowed, turning my head to Remus in the bed beside me. His skin ran raw and more future scars reddened into his body. My eyes welled with tears but I kept them back. He's okay, he's okay, he's okay.

"You alright, Fawkes?" Sirius asked.

I didn't answer him, staring at Moony. His chest rose and fell normally but he looks so badly beat up. My sympathy skyrocketed and I hate the fact that he has to go through this.

"Cry? Answer me," he said.

"I'm fine," I curtly responded.

"Do you even remember what you went through last night?" he interrogated.

"Yeah," I shortly answered.

"Then you know that you almost died," he told.

Turning my head to him, I saw him with worry unraveling on his face. His brows furrowed and salty tears fell down his cheeks.

Reaching out, I swiped my fingers on the wetness. He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes, pain still on his mind.

"But I didn't," I reassured.

"But you almost did," he argued.

"I'm not going to go earlier than I'm supposed to. You know that," I countered.

He shook his head and didn't respond. I sighed, deja vu occurring. Patting his hand, I got his attention again.

"C'mere," I ordered.

Outstretching my arm, I welcomed him. He precautiousy laid on my arm and snuggled into my side. He leaned his head on my chest and tangled our legs.

"Remember what I said last time? If I can hold you like this, then I'm okay," I reminded.

Avoiding my statement, he asked, "Can you tell me about the train station?"

Pausing, I saw him flutter his eyes closed. Why would he want to know about that?

"What do you want to know?"

"What it looks like, what it feels like, who you see," he explained.

I rest my head onto his and stared as the orange light on the bricks disappeared. The darkness enveloped us and the castle seemed quieter than it did before.

"Everything is white. Like a winter wonderland but a train station is built into it. I can only see the outline of everything so that's how I know where the pillars are.. where the train rushes by, where I stand," I began.

"Is it pretty?" he asked.

"Yeah, it is. But.. it's not a good feeling to think of it like that. There's evil in that place and it's everywhere. Everything you touch, it feels like you're possessed by that evil," I replied.

"Do you think you're evil?"

"No, I don't think so. Sometimes the feeling washes over me but I fight it off as much as I can," I said.

"What about the people? You said there's people in there," he reminded.

"Mm.. Tom Riddle looks like an evil and slicker version of James. Also jockier, kinda built," I responded.

I flinched for a second, interrupting his peaceful drift to sleep. He closed his eyes again after the momentary loosened grip I had on my sanity.

"And there's me. A little figure shrouded in black robes. I sometimes get glimpses of her every now and then but it's a bad thing. She's supposed to appear when this decade is over," I said.

"When you say decade.. it's like an era. Our era.." he sighs.

I laughed gently, seeing him slowly go in and out of conciousness. Running my fingers through his hair, his breathing slowed down.

His mouth parted and soon enough, he fell asleep.

I breathed out and tried to get the thoughts of the conversation out of my head. The subject over the train station and the spell and Tom Riddle just sent shivers down my spine and it physically hurt to talk about it.

But he wanted to hear about it so I just did it. I'll do anything for him even if it hurts. Even if the pain runs through my body as I hold him in my embrace.

Because I love him.

I'll endure any pain for him.

"Cry?" I heard.

I closed my eyes and replied, "Yeah, Remus?"

"You okay? I know it hurts to talk about it," he said.

"Of course.. loving him always cancels out the pain," I told.

The sound of him shifting in his bed filled the infirmary, pulling the covers over his body. I knew his back was towards us.

"I heard what happened to you before I transformed. I'm sorry I couldn't be there," he apologized.

"Why are you saying sorry? I'm sorry for not being there for you," I retort.

"But you were bleeding and almost close to death," he argued.

"So were you," I defended.

He stayed silent for a moment. All three of our breaths filled the silence because the dying sound of the birds chirping escaped away from the window.

"I thought you were dead when they told me.. you were so pale in bed and you- you looked like a corpse," he choked out.

"Moony.. I'm fine. I'm not gonna die out like a loser this soon," I reassured.

"I really hope not."

"I won't."

-lana