When the Camellia blooms

Camellia Blooms - FIFTY- FIVE

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If I had knew the reason he left, would I still go with him?

What if I do and what if I don't?

Will something change?

If it was the me who haven't realized her true feelings, I think I would be swayed by his words, but I'm not.

I already said that I need to stop, that he needs to stop.

It's not gonna work, yes I'll know his reasons but it's already in the past. I may feel guilty, but that's all to it.

If he had said it first, we wouldn't be in this prediction, but he didn't.

It won't change my decision, I won't change my mind.

...

"I was in need of a...organ transplant"

"What?" I couldn't help but blurt out.

We were in my room, my parents let me with him albeit with a bit curiosity but they must've seen the seriousness in our faces and didn't interrupt.

He was fidgeting in his seat, his eyes low on the floor as he continued his story.

"I found out I...I had leukemia when I finished..uh...high school" he trailed off, his eyes still low on the floor.

I couldn't move.

I was too surprised and...I felt guilty.

I wasn't a good girlfriend back then because I didn't even knew that he was sick. Maybe because I was too pampered by him or maybe because I was too in love.

If I had know this before, I wouldn't let him go.

It's the past, nothing will turn out fine every time you digged into the past.

Regret and guilt, all of it was in the past, now, all I could do for him is to listen.

"I-I didn't know...I'm sorry" still, I couldn't help but apologize.

"It's fine...I just...I just thought that-"

"That I'll give you a chance?"

Silence emerged before he nod his head. I can't even stay angry with him, with his head down low and shoulders hunched, he's like a man who has lost everything in the world.

And I was once like that too.

Once, I was once like him, not anymore.

"I'm sorry Ru Wu Jie, I'm deeply sorry. I can't... I-I have-"

"I know"

Looking into his eyes, I can see hints of sadness and despair, but he seemed resolved.

As if he already knew the reason I can't let him into my heart.

"I'm sorry" I once again said, feeling guilty over my past feelings over him.

"No, I'm sorry...I...I shouldn't have pestered your too much. I was just...I think I was just thinking I still have a chance"

Oh.

"I'm so-"

"Stop apologizing, you didn't do anything wrong to me, it was me who left. I left because I was scared I-I wouldn't come back... alive. I was a coward, well, still a coward"

"Yuu, I...I don't know what to say" I feel too suffocated from the memories and feelings I had with him.

"So...can we still...be friends? Just this kind of relationship... I'm fine with it. I just need some connection with you... I...it doesn't matter if it's just acquaintance...it's...if you wanted to" he trailed off, his tone full of pleading.

For the first time in my life, this is the first time I see him do this. Seeing him pleading just to be friends with me, how could I refuse him?

I don't know if it's guilt that made me accept his friendship, but I know, we would be better off with just this.

Just friends.

...

"You look a bit dazed"

I was interrupted by Alice, her face blooming like a flower. Next month starts her big day, her wedding.

"Oh...uhm...I was just worried-ah"

"Worried about your boyfriend?" She teased while I blushed beet red from her teasing.

"Shush!" I smiled and poke her forehead.

"I knew you'll end up together with him...you were just too dense to notice it" she sighed and looked at her ring.

"Stop looking at your ring or it'll melt" I teased while she laughed.

Everyone knew that Yuu and I are already dating. Although I haven't really told Yuu that I accept, he seems to have announced it to everyone.

That guy!

Well, all I could do is to just snicker at his shamelessness and help him get back on his feet again.

After all, I'm his girlfriend.

***
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I'm just scared to let them know 😂😂😂

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