Infinity||H.S.

To The Moon And Back

"I'd tell you I love you a million times
Say that I'm sorry if I made you cry
Could never be half the woman even if I tried
But I'll try, I swear I'll try"

Noelle

Harry and I are both silent on the way home.
The silence is not as uncomfortable as I thought after our fight, he is giving me time metabolize what I've just seen.

I'm definitely not as angry at him as I was half an hour ago, somehow what just happened calmed my nerves and for the first time in three days, I'm able to think clearly.

I know I overacted before and I know he is right: I am passive-aggressive.

More aggressive than passive for the matter.

Part of me feels sorry for the way I behaved myself. I know I have all the right to be angry at him but maybe I was wrong in the way of saying it.

I was harsh and spiteful even if what I said it's true.

Once an asshole always an asshole still stands but maybe I could have avoided the sentence about models... And the part about him crying like a baby.

While when hangry Harry says things without thinking, I know exactly what I am doing when I lash on someone. I say exactly what I think and sometimes I say it with the intention of hurting.

It's even worse then what Harry does. At least he regrets what he says, I just regret the way I say it.

Looking at him, I take a minute to study his features while his eyes are on the road.

A week ago we were in the same position, going to London. Again he was right at the pub - even if he practically impose himself that day - I was almost happy to have him with me.

And then it hit me.
He was right all along. I said I would have tried but since we start speaking again I was always on edge, waiting for him to say or do something to make me regret my choice.

The problem is, that even if I truly meant what I said when I told him I wanted to forgive and forget, I don't trust him. And in order to move on, I needed to do so.

I need to get past my anger. I need to really work on this.

"Uhm... Harry?"

Please don't make me regret this.

He side-glances at me, giving me a slow hum.

"Do you... Do you still want to talk? I mean, really talk this time. About everything" I ask, tugging my hair behind my ears, unsure.

He taps his fingers on the steering wheel and gives me a nod. "I want to Elle. There's nothing I want more. Do you want to?"

Sighing, I move my eyes along his face and nod. " I can't promise I won't insult you, or get hangry, or tell you to fuck off though"

A throaty laugh leaves his mouth "It's okay. I can take it... Do you want to do it now?"

"No. Now I just want to speak with Mae. Maybe once we are both in London?"