Mistakes//JJ Outerbanks

1| "every mistake you make will sculpt who you truly are"

( a few people have pointed out that I never put her name haha so here it is: Layla)

The Kooks and the Pogues, some of the biggest bullshit I've ever heard of and something I despise. In my mind, I look at everyone on the island as equals.

Some might say "you only say that because you're a kook" but That's a bunch of bullshit. Who the fuck gives a shit about stereotypes anymore? All I am is a girl that lives in the Outer Banks of North Carolina and a "pogue" is just someone else that lives here.

Despite me being 100% correct about the true nature of a kook and pogue, nobody here seems to agree with me. I like to think that the kids here are too small minded to be my friends but truthfully I think it's because I can be a bit psychotic at times. At least I can admit and recognize I should probably stop being like that and figure out the kind of person I really am.

This Summer I'm on a mission to discover who I truly am and I'm going to try as many things as I can.

My mom used to tell me that, "every mistake you make will sculpt who you truly are" and in honor of her, I'm going to make a shit ton of stupid mistakes the next few months.

Living in figure 8 is like a dream to some Pogues. All they ever seem to see is the white picket fences and our seemingly perfect families but it's not as glorious as it looks.

My family consists of, my dad, me, and my 4 brothers. My mom died when I was 14 and I guess you can say that's when I lost myself.
Her death sent me into a deep depression and rebellious phase where I hung out with Pogues all the time and had multiple run-ins with the police.
I switched off from Pogue to Kook and finally both of them decided that I was either "too kook" or "too Pogue" to be apart of their cliques.

That was two years ago.

Since then I've been completely off the grid and I keep to myself. I used to like the peacefulness of not having any friends but lately all I've wanted is at least one person to fight this cruel world with. 

My days usually consist of reading, writing, or doing something in the water. I have my very own secret place where I can be alone and hopefully bring a friend to in the future. I've kept it clean and organized as if I'd magically find a friend. It was pathetic.

Hurricane Agatha was the start of my crazy journey. Most people were either cooped up in their houses or cooped up at a friend's house. I on the other hand like to sit on my dock and just watch the damage from Agatha taking place. Obviously, I'd leave if it got too dangerous but typically too dangerous for me is being completely destroyed by the waves.

Today I saw two boys out on the beach and they were surfing despite the fact the waves were definitely not surfable. I smiled softly at the sight of friends having fun together and without thinking, I got up and ran to grab my board. I was wearing a blue bathing suit with a small dress over it.

I was always known for having a very unique sense of style. I always wore something completely different from expectations or stereotypes. Some thought it was insanely weird but others liked it. Little did they know, I only do it because I never want to be compared to someone else. I never wanna be a "would you rather?" choice at a party. I guess it's because I'm afraid of rejection or criticism. But who isn't?

I grabbed my board and ran across the sand toward one of the lifeguard towers. I pulled my dress over my head and dropped it to the ground as I ran into the water.

The two boys glanced over at me and I could see the weird stares they were giving me but I just ignored them.
I've been surfing since I was four years old and I used to love surfing during big storms. It was something I'd do with my mom and I guess after she died I just let that die with her but now I'm turning over a new leaf. For her.