Do Not Want (Ariana/You)

Heaven - (Ariana POV)

Present Day – Tommy's Studio

"I know that melody." I said as soon as reached the end of 'Wrong'.

I was listening to songs one by one as Y/N explained them. I had to admit, it was very sadomasochistic of me to do that as they were not very flattering songs.

Part of me always knew that I was an idiot back then for taking Pete's side over hers. For picking my career over her. The other part of me lived with that regret every single day. I had no right to be angry at anyone else but myself.

I thought about that day, me picking my stuff up at Y/Ns before it ended terribly.

I focused on the interview again. Before that, I threw a quick glance around and saw Courtney and Victoria still focusing on the interview as well, both giving me a look of concern when I faced them. Tommy was in the back coming up with some new tunes with his headphones on in order not to bother us while we were listening.

"Heaven is a personal favorite of mine because Lauren, Lynn and I worked on it for 3 days straight and had loads of fun recording it, despite it being a very sad song." I heard Y/N say.

Every mention of Lauren was making my blood boil. I knew Lynn and Lynn was cool. She had her own girlfriend, so I never felt like she was competition. Lauren on the other hand...

That's it! That song was the song she played on the piano that day. That's where I knew it from.

Then as if my heart were made of glass, that slight memory made an impact and shattered my heart all over again.

I would do anything to redo that day and change everything I did and said.

Flashback – A little over a year ago – Y/N's home

I couldn't believe I was stood in her house now feeling like a total stranger inside of these walls.

"Maybe."I tried not to cry as I heard her say these words. I had hope that we would make an agreement there and then about rekindling our relationship when everything was over.

It seemed Y/N wasn't so sure about that anymore.

"I'm sorry Y/N." I managed to say, with a lot of preparation in order not to break down.

I felt intense sadness boil in my heart and the only thing I could do was make my way up the stairs before I burst out into tears, away from Y/N's sight. That's the last thing I wanted; to cry in front of her.  Y/N would usually hold me, she would kiss my forehead and say everything will be fine, reassuring me.
I know that in this very case, she wouldn't wipe my tears away anymore. She would just stare at me, emotionless as I cried.

I made my way up the stairs as I left her down there. I swear I heard her sigh before I entered her room. I quickly reached for my bag which was stored in one of the cupboards and started placing all my stuff one by one, neatly inside of my bag.

I felt that every piece of clothing I was removing, I was removing a piece of my heart too. I couldn't help but break into sobs as I looked around the room, which I would no longer have access too. All the memories in this room started playing.

The first time I had placed all my stuff in this wardrobe and I had to make Y/N give some of her stuff to charity so there would be place for my own things. The first time we had spent a whole day in this room having sex in pretty much every corner of this room. All the nights we had stayed up talking about our future, how many kids we would want and what we would name them, where we would get married, where we would want to retire to growing old. She hated Florida, but it was my home. She said she would make an effort and live there if that was what I really wanted.