Your Guardian Angel (GirlXGirl)

Chp. 17

-JENSON’S POV-

Riley’s mom… was dead? Why didn’t she tell me this! Why didn’t she tell me she lived alone pretty much? The loneliness, the sadness, it all made sense… she was around my family more then she was around her own…

She had her head bowed, as if waiting for me to lash out on her for not telling me, but I wasn’t going to yell. I wasn’t going to get mad at her or curse her out, I just wanted to hug her… I just wanted to comfort her.

I leaned in, wrapping her in my arms, and for the first time of being friends with Riley, I heard her cry.

There were tears on my shirt, the wetness clinging to my skin, and I wanted to cry to. Riley had never cried in front of me, but she had seen me cry plenty of times. She kept up that mask, that strong hard face that didn’t break… but she was breaking tonight. She was clenching me, and in a way I thought this was more then just her and her torn family…

There had to be more.

I wanted to ask her about the box, the pictures, that girl, but I was to afraid. To afraid for right now at least, because she needed me to help her, and bringing up more to reminisce was going to be to much.

She pulled back, her blue eyes blood shot and glowing from the tears in her eyes. She gave me a weak smile, “This was what I didn’t want you to see… me crying, breaking…”

She didn’t want me to see her weak? Oh Riley you were anything but weak… I wiped a tear from her eye and shook my head, “You’re not weak Riley… you’re the strongest person I know… and you’re beautiful when you cry…”

A small laugh exited her lips, “I think you’re saying that so I don’t have to be hideous and cry more…”

I grabbed her face in my hands, “I’m serious Riley, you’re frikkin perfect. I hate it, because you don’t even realize how perfect you are! Everyone’s supposed to be ugly when they cry, but guess what, you’re not. You’re so pretty, and confident, and everything I wish I could be…”

I didn’t know where that comment came from, but it was all truth. I meant every single word, and I watched her mood turn from broken to hopeful, in the matter of seconds. Did my words really have that big of an affect on her?

She looked into my eyes, smiling and making my heart flutter, “Thanks.”

I frowned, “After all that I just get a thanks?”

She pulled away, turning the conversation into sarcasm, “What do you want? A kiss?”

“Maybe,” the answer had flown out of my mouth before my mind could catch it. Riley’s eyes flicked up to mine, and I locked with hers.

She tilted her head, “Seriously?”

Wait, she actually believed me? She was actually considering it? Did I mean it? I wanted to kiss her in the fitting room… maybe there was that connection I never understood with Riley. Would it hurt to try? Maybe she would show me something… something I had never felt before…

I was scared, and shocked, and the more I thought about it, the more scared I got. Riley stared at me, waiting for me to make my move, and I did. I leaned forward, and she did to, her breath was on my lips, and she smelt good, maybe even better then Jake…

It reminded me of the girl I kissed when I was dating Bren, the dare… and then her lips were on mine. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but I knew it wasn’t the normal… it was different, she was my best friend… but it felt so right kissing her.

Her lips wrapped around my bottom one, kissing softly and then moving to my upper lip. It was soft and sweet, not hungry, but it held something I couldn’t define. Did she mean this kiss? Did she want to? Or was she just giving me what I wanted again?

My hand found her cheek, and my hand ran through her hair, her smell was intoxicating, and I was enjoying this.

That’s when I caught myself.

I pulled back, Riley’s eyes were looking into mine, but I couldn’t even look at her. I felt so ashamed, like I had used Riley, and I felt worse all of a sudden. Riley frowned, “I’m guessing you didn’t like it…”

I stood, I shouldn’t be here, Riley shouldn’t even be joking around about this, because this was serious. I didn’t want to leave her alone but staying would just make me feel worse, “I uh… have to go.”

Riley stood with me, “W-Why?”

I looked up at her, I didn’t want to leave, but I felt so wronged, so sad because of what I was doing to her. After everything I had just made her tell me… I kissed her, and I used her because of my own self pity, and it was eating at my heart.

I shook my head, grabbing my purse, “I just need to go.”

I rushed out her house, slamming my door to my car and looking at Riley’s still figure in the door frame. She looked hurt, really hurt and I felt my heart ache, I’m so sorry Riley…

I pulled out of her driveway, I should’ve never came here, I should’ve stopped myself. But I couldn’t stop, I kissed my best friend, my only best friend… and now I may have ruined it. I took advantage of Riley, and I felt horrible, like I had just committed murder.

Why did I feel so bad? Was it because I actually enjoyed the kiss? Or was it because I genuinely felt bad for taking advantage of Riley?

Why did Riley even let me kiss her?

Maybe Riley hadn’t been honest with me about her parents, but she would be honest with me about being gay… right?

She had to be, she wouldn’t hide something that important from me… would she?

I felt disgusted with myself, but even when I felt bad, deep down in my gut… I still loved the kiss. It was perfect, it felt perfect… like a kiss was supposed to feel. Not forced, or awkward, but perfect… so why did I love it with Riley? Why not Jake?

Then I felt the familiar feeling of not being alone, as if someone was with me, and I turned to the passenger seat, but seeing nothing.

I felt tears form in my eyes, then they started pouring again tonight. Jake… now Riley… I was losing everyone again… and I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

I didn’t know how to cope with the pain inside my chest, and I hated it. I rested my head on the steering wheel, feeling my heart break the more I thought about the kiss. The more I thought about the girl calling Jake…

Was this normal? To feel like this? I had never felt this before, and it was overwhelming, the pain, the hurt… the aching that never went away.

Was I going to lose everything important to me again?