Mistakes//JJ Outerbanks

12| "Need a ride?"

I slept on the dock all night and I just cried and cried. I was so unhappy with my life again and I didn't know what to do. I finally found friends who loved me but I screwed it up by being my stupid self. I felt like shit when I woke up and I had a massive headache. My face was all red and puffy from crying and my dress was really dirty. I still didn't want to go in my house but I knew I had to. I climbed up one of the big trees. My dress got caught on the limbs a few times and ripped it up. I pulled myself up on my balcony and stumbled into my room. My whole body felt like I just ran a marathon while having the flu. I was dizzy from dehydration and my stomach was completely hollow. I needed to eat but I didn't want to.

JJ's shirt was still on my bed and just seeing it there made me cry. I fucked up our relationship so much and I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself. I picked it up and pressed it to my face. I took a deep breath and his scent filled my senses. It was amazing. I tried to find something positive to think about that can distract me from last night. I mean now I can wear my dresses again since I won't be running. That's nice right?

I put on a white dress with colorful butterflies all over it. It was a silk material and was strapless and tight. I used to wear it all the time when I'd go into town or go shopping somewhere. It was cute but casual. I put on makeup to cover my puffy eyes and sadness that was obvious to see. I need to act like nothing is wrong and that I'm perfectly fine and happy. I can't give Topper the satisfaction of thinking he was right about me not fitting in with the Pogues. I don't want the Pogues to think I'm weak or hurt either because I don't want them to think they're right about me. I need to act like a normal person who isn't falling apart.

I drove to the cut to get some food because I was so hungry. I wasn't gonna eat anything but I know I can't let this situation put me back to where I was a year ago. I need to keep myself together.

I went to Kie's family restaurant and dead-ass prayed in the car that they wouldn't be there. Obviously, God doesn't exactly love me since they were all there at a table. I went up to her dad and just asked for some fries and a soda so I wouldn't have to sit in there for a long time. I wanted to leave as soon as possible.

John B had a cast on his arm that wasn't there yesterday but I have no idea what it's from. Kie still seemed pissed about Sarah and was lecturing him about it. I heard my name come up a few times but I never even glanced in their direction. I knew if I did I'd probably break down.

I sat at a table for fifteen minutes before I got my food and paid.

They left at the same time as I did but didn't say a thing to me. They were really done with me just like that. Maybe I should go back to doing the plan I made at the beginning of summer. I need to make even more mistakes.

As I was driving into figure 8 I saw Topper walking on the sidewalk. I stopped right next to him and rolled my window down. "Need a ride?" I asked jokingly and he stared at me suspiciously. "Are you being serious? You aren't gonna kill me or something?" He asked as he got closer to the car. I nodded my head as he opened the door and got in.

"What do you wanna do?" I asked as I started driving again. I really don't wanna be here with Topper but I need something to distract me.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" He asked and I looked at him confused, "Why would I be?"

"You don't know what happened last night?" He asked and I furrowed my eyebrows, "no why?"

"I caught Sarah cheating on me with John B. He fell off the edge of a big treehouse."
"Wait what?!" I asked in surprise. That's how he broke his arm?

I hung out with Topper for an hour until I couldn't take it anymore and I just had to leave. When I walked out of his house I saw John B with Sarah and they both looked at me suspiciously. I went to my car and just sped home as fast as possible.

I was sitting on my boat with music playing and a book in my hand. I had lemonade with me and I just let myself relax and do what I do best, absolutely fucking nothing because I have no friends. I decided to go to Sarah's house to see if she'd be down to talk to me about JJ for a few minutes. I just need help with knowing what the hell I'm supposed to do because it's only been a day since I lost my friends and I'm already dying.

She was down to talk to me which made me feel so much better. We sat on her bed and she just listened to everything I said. She was always so good at listening.

"I messed up so bad. I don't why I haven't told them about my mom or Topper. I just thought it didn't matter and that I didn't have to tell them but I know I do. I like JJ so much and I really wanna be with him. I want him to be my boyfriend but I literally yelled in his face about how we aren't dating and he said I wasn't part of their family anymore. I've never been in a relationship like this where I don't get forced into things and I just had no idea how it works. I need them back. I can't lose them." I sobbed and she hugged me tightly.

"JJ likes you a lot and it's insanely obvious. I can talk to John B and see if he'll talk to JJ for you okay? You guys are gonna be okay. I promise." She soothed and I let out a relieved sigh. Need to fix things. "I'm gonna go hang out with John B and I'll talk to him about JJ. You should just go home and get some rest and we can talk tomorrow" she said and I nodded.

I couldn't go home still. I mean I think I could do it without getting harassed by my dad but I guess I just didn't want to be at the house in general anymore. Sleeping in the marsh on my boat sounded like a great idea.

Of course, I had to run into the Pogues there. I can never get a break from this shit.