𝐍𝐎𝐍-𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒

If you gave me a fresh carnation I would only crush its tender petals

as you may know, english is not my first language so lenasogaard1506 who is an actual angel offered to edit this story, so if you're glad you won't read horrible mistakes anymore you should thank her!!

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My sleepy eyes blinked twice. I couldn't tell how long I'd slept, but probably a lot. I turned in Matty's bed, surprised I was still wearing my clothes. We just slept, I remembered – he had said something about consent. He was next to me, snoring softly, white blankets over his shoulders. His long black eyelashes formed a pair of half-moons over his cheeks. His lower lip was poking out slightly. I thought he looked so precious and I missed him and I never wanted to let go of him.

Then I remembered what I had said, only hours ago. Suddenly I felt so exposed. I really wrapped myself around his finger and told him, crush me.

I stood up, slowly, trying not to wake him. When I met my image in the mirror on the wall, my plaid skirt was all wrinkled. Mascara, from the night before, a bit smudged. I quickly left the room, tip toeing around a house I only had seen once before, and I never gave it enough recognition, because the one who was now sleeping under the covers always took all my attention. It was a pity, since Matty's house looked like a prominent art gallery, all grand design and zen.

Clothes were piled in various corners, paintings I bet he painted were laying on the floor. On a shelf there was a photograph of him smiling with his cute crooked teeth and hugging a young boy I supposed it was Louis, his brother. A soft smile popped on my lips. Matty had told me they were very close, even though he was traveling all the time. There was a photograph of him with the boys too. He looked so tiny compared to them. Their friendship seemed so cute. And George was really fucking tall, I couldn't even –

My eyes stopped on another photograph. Matty was now hugging Twigs. He had a mohawk and she had long braids. I stared at it, trying to figure out my feelings. There was something cute about that picture, the way he was pulling a face while his arm was around her small body. I questioned myself if I had ruined in vain something good and pure between these two people. I had fucked up everything and I didn't even want to be his girlfriend. So, what was all this fuss about? I felt like I had just crushed a flower.

"Hey"

I winced. Matty's voice came out frail and raspy. I turned to look at him. He was rubbing his eyes, wearing sweatpants and a white vest top. His chest hair and tattoo showing at the neckline and his silver chain sparkling every time the sunlight caught it.

"Hey", I said. "Sorry, I didn't want to snoop..."

"It's okay", he shrugged. He got close and grabbed my hand, "Come here", his arms wrapped around my waist and I bit my lips to hide a smile when I noticed how sleepy he looked.

"Did I wake you?"

"No". He combed strands of hair back stopping just behind my ear and held his palm there. "I just woke up and you weren't there. I thought you had left". He looked stuck for a moment before noticing the photographs behind me and said: "Ehm, I still have to take away some things. So little time has passed", but before he could released me from his grip, I stopped him.

"You don't have to think about it now" I reassured him. I got on my toes to reach his height and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He looked startled, like he really had woken up only in that moment, and grinned lazely.

Flashbacks from last night's conversation came back to me. He said he had a perspective now. But with me, there was no room for the future. With me, there was no room for a view at all.