Reject (mxm)

Chapter Forty-Three: Ruari

TWO MORE CHAPTERS GUYS!!! k",)

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I can't believe it. I can't believe he forgot about me.

When Ciaran cautiously took a step away from me and asked who I was my whole body just ceased to function. My first thought was he must be kidding me. That he must be faking it just to mess me up. But there was too much confusion and suspicion in his eyes for his reactions to be a lie. I realized he could sense me. He could feel I was someone familiar but for some reason he can't remember who I was.

Kevan was furious at how Ciaran reacted to my presence. He saw how it pained me to see my mate react to me like that but to be honest, I'm more shocked than angry. I'm sorry that this had to happen when everything was starting to go right between us.

The pack doctor told me Ciaran's memory loss could be a caused by multiple things. For one he's been on the verge of death before we rescued him. He lost an excessive amount of blood and suffered multiple injuries that could have felled a regular wolf. But he surmised the amnesia was probably because of the poison in his system. I knew there'd be side effects. You can't induce that much silver on a werewolf without harming but I never thought, I never considered the possibility that it would affect his memory.

Still, I'm thankful Ciaran's alive. And from the way he was growling and snarling, ordering me to go away, I'm betting he's on his way to full recovery.

Rothe whined when I decided to leave the hospital. But I gather there's really nothing we could do for now. Our presence seems to aggravate Ciaran and if removing myself from his view would calm him down then it's fine with me. I want him to heal more than anything.

But I couldn't go back and face the pack, not for now. I don't want to be surrounded by people who'd look at me sadly or would try to console me with  empty words after they hear what happened at the hospital. I know they'd mean well but for now I want to be alone.

I decided to spend the night at the cabin not just to have some time away from everyone but to think of what I'd do tomorrow. I've decided I'd go to court and settle things with the high council and the royals.

Kevan was surprised by my sudden decision, which was odd considering he was the one who kept pushing me to go. He told me I could spare another day or two now that Ciaran is awake. But I reckon since Ciaran's not comfortable around me right now it'd be best for him if I go now. I'm sure that by the time I come back he'd be fully healed and he might be more willing to listen to what I have to say and perhaps even try to remember who I was to him.

I tossed and turned trying to find a comfortable position but only managing to tangle the sheets on my legs. I groaned irritably and completely threw it off me before sitting up.

I give up. Everything in this place reminds me of him. Maybe it was a mistake to spend the night here. This place is ten times worse than our empty rooms at the pack house.

I walked out the room and continued out of the cabin. I traced the familiar path towards the waterfall, taking my time, savoring the feel of the forest surrounding me. I don't know how long it'd take for me to come back here but I want to remember as much as I could of this place, of this land. I don't want to miss anything while I am away.

I slowly stripped my clothes off before wading into the pool. The waterfall is still as beautiful as the first time I saw it but tonight it cannot give me the comfort I needed. It can't grant me the peace of mind I sought when I decided to come here.

I looked up at the darkened sky with unrestrained tears following from my eyes.

I don't know if I'd ever find comfort or peace again. I don't know if I'd be able to feel anything other than pain. I know from now on I'd always feel hollow until Ciaran remembers who I am.