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Chapter 53

Cameron Santiago POV

Pinoe convinced me to text Krashlyn to tell them I'm with them. I made sure to emphasize the fact that I don't want to see them until camp. They are both curious as to why I just left but I told them I didn't want to talk about it. Pinoe and Sue have been great hosts. There is also no beating around the bush in their household. It's a very open environment.

"How's Adam?" Pinoe asks as we walk down the street with Sue.

"I'm hoping he is doing okay at bootcamp. I've sent him a couple of letters."

"Those are probably getting him through training." Sue speaks up.

"I can't wait until he gets back. I miss him so much." I confess.

"So I'll take you and Kelley as a no go?" Pinoe questions me.

"I haven't been thinking about it. I think we should focus on our friendship and that's it. I am happy with Adam." I shut down her question real quick.

"Have you talked to Ali and Ashlyn since you texted them a few days ago?" Sue asks.

"No."

"You know you can't avoid them when we get to camp tomorrow." Pinoe says. "They've called me everyday to check in on you. They asked if I know why you left, but I said it should come from you."

"Thanks for not telling them. What am I supposed to tell them when they confront me about it?"

"The truth." Sue stops walking. "You need to tell them everything you feel."

I lean back and let out a groan. "I'm tired of talking."

"Have you been talking to your therapist at all?" Pinoe asks.

"I'm fine. I'm handling things." I don't know why she's bringing that up.

"I know you are fine, but you don't go to a therapist just when you hit rock bottom. It is supposed to be a constant thing. I'm just worried about your rash decisions." Pinoe speaks her mind.

"If that's how you feel I can leave. I didn't mean to barge into your life unannounced."

"You can't keep running when someone says something you don't want to hear. You have to confront it. It's the adult and mature thing to do." Pinoe tells me as she looks me in the eyes to see if her point gets across to me.

"Don't you think I know that?" I rhetorically ask. "My body just reacts. It's one of my bad self defense mechanisms. I rather leave situations before I can hurt anyone."

"You are not a dangerous person." Sue tells me as we make our way back to the house.

"Some people would beg to differ." I say without thinking.

"All the things you have done were to protect yourself and those you love." Sue wraps her arms around me.

"I have so many underlying issues."

"That's why Pinoe asked if you are still seeing someone. It's not a sign of weakness. It means you still have a fight in you to get better. To become a better version of yourself that treats your mind and body with kindness. She didn't mean to offend you." I tear up as Sue speaks. Her words get across to me.

"I'm sorry, Pinoe." I look to my side and say.

"It's okay, kid. I love you and I don't want to see you suffering a battle alone. You have resources and people to help you."

"I'm all over the place."

"Yes, you are but we love you regardless." Pinoe chuckles and I jokingly push her.

"Tell me how you really feel." I chuckle.

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Pinoe and I just got to the hotel we are staying at for camp. The first thing I did when we touched down was call and make an appointment with my therapist. I just have so much anger and keep letting things build up. Pinoe was right. I need to control myself before I spiral again. I need to stop running. My number one concern right now was talking to Ali and Ashlyn. They are probably so confused and hurt but it would've been worse if I didn't leave when I did. I texted them and told me to meet me at the park by the tree where I had my talk with Ali.

"Cameron!" I get up from laying on the tree to find the both of them jogging to me. Once they reach me, they engulf me in a hug.

"You had us so worried. You need to stop running, kid." Ali says as we separate and sit in the grass.

"I'm guessing you overheard me and Ali's conversation." Ash speaks and I just nod and pick at the grass not wanting to make eye contact with her.

"I want you and Ali to be happy. If that means I have to leave so you guys can make room for a baby, I'll leave." I honestly say. They deserve their dream life.

"We are happy with you. That's enough for now." Ash tells me.

"But I was never in the picture. I all of a sudden made an appearance in your lives; this was never the plan for either of you. I know you guys dreamed of having a baby and don't lie and say you don't." I argue.

"Yes, we want to have a baby but we also want you. You have become part of our family. You are our own child. We will take care of you and cheer you on. We love you and don't want you going anywhere except our arms." Ali puts her arm on my thigh.

"But I have been draining you guys. I'm a burden and you shouldn't waste your energy and time on someone as unstable as me. I just bring danger wherever I go. It's best I just be by myself." Tears fill my eyes as the words leave my mouth.

"I don't know where all these insecurities are coming from but I wish once just once for you to believe that we aren't going to leave you. You are stuck with us whether you like it or not." Ash takes her hand and places it under my chin and lifts my head so we can make eye contact. "We love you and you are not going anywhere. You are not temporary. We will never abandon you. I beg of you to listen to the words that left our mouths."

"We will be there on your good and bad days. You are not a burden. You are an angel who continues to push me and Ash to be our best selves. You have made us stronger individually and as a couple. You don't see it, but you are our inspiration." Ali says and Ash nods in agreement.

I lean myself into Ali's arm as she tightly embraces me. We sat there in silence after that for a little bit. I'm trying to take in their words, but that little voice in my head won't accept them. What's wrong with me?