Forbidden...euphoria

5.1K 294 91
                                    

⚠️ triggering situations ahead. If you do not like self inflicted mutilation, mentions of suicide, Namtae smut or incest then you do not have to continue this chapter. For those that have been requesting this, however, I have worked hard on this just for you and please enjoy! But read at your own risk!

Namjoon

     I decide on skipping work after dropping Jimin off. I'm happy he's not mad at me and we can slowly work things out and better our relationship—whatever kind it is. I'm satisfied staying a friend and someone he can depend on. Thats enough.
On another note, I'm worried about Taehyung's mental health right now. He's still devastated and suffering even though he hides it well. The exact opposite of Jimin's response but it's clear that that fucker meant way more to Tae than to Jimin.
     I can't leave him on his own for too long. His pain resonates through me like a strong heartbeat—reminding me of our unconventional bond. He can't hide it from me like the others with temper and sarcasm. I feel what he feels.
And this fucking hurts.
I know the pain. Hurting Jimin and breaking our bond destroyed me, numbed me. What Taehyung is suffering is worse, though. It's abandonment. I made my choices but he didn't choose any of this.
Is he the best person? No, but he doesn't deserve this. No one is perfect and people change. I don't regret what I did to that little juvenile cocksucker but I can admit I was more violent and aggressive because of Taehyung—not Jimin.
Stepping into the house, I make sure to be silent so he doesn't hear me coming. He refuses to show any weakness to anyone and it's just making it harder on us both.
I want to find him at his weakest and be there for him as I always should have been. I'm a total fuck up. I know that. I ruined Jimin's life and took away his innocence—not that he was a virgin—by making him have a child he was no way ready for. I took his freedom away and made him miserable all for my selfish feelings.
But the things I've done to Taehyung are much worse. I've treated him badly since he was born. I never accepted him and it messed him up. I tortured him and belittled him because of my own frustrations and turned him into the devious and icy hearted omega he is today.
He wasn't made like that. I made him like that. Shaped him into a villain of my own creation out of spite and grievances. No one would ever realize he's just another victim of my petty selfishness.
I hate myself. I hate looking at him because it makes me take a good hard look at my own inner turmoil and forces me to realize it's all my fault.
I broke him a long time ago.
All he wanted was love and affection and acknowledgement. All I gave him was ridicule, violence and neglect. He was never paid attention to by our parents, either. He has never had anyone.
No one but me. And I failed him.
How many lives can I really ruin before I die? How many regrets will I spend the rest of my life making up for?
I stop at his door and just stand blankly staring at the wall. His sobbing is loud and dramatic and lonely. I bonded us together to help prevent loneliness for the both of us but it just backfired like everything else I've ever done.
Clearing my throat, I open the door. His bed is empty but the bathroom door is wide open. I stride to the bright light and look inside.
Taehyung is curled up in the bath, water splashing out a bit. He's crying so hard he's shaking and hasn't even noticed me yet. The water is red.
"What the hell are you doing?!" I run to his side and jerk him up into my arms. He's shocked at my sudden appearance and attempts to hide the deep slashing cuts on his wrists.
Fuck.
I clasp his pale face in my hands and stare hard into his red, vacant eyes. "How long have you been hurting yourself?"
It takes a long time for his eyes to refocus and it makes me nervous. Did he take drugs, too? I would have felt that, right?
"H-hyung? When did...you get here?" His words are slow and stunted. Releasing him, I search the bathroom for...
I find a small bottle of pills hidden under his discarded clothes. Empty. I curse and throw the bottle. Dragging him out of the tub as gently as I can manage, I smack his cheek a few times, testing his focus and reaction time before shoving my fingers into his mouth and throat.
He gags and chokes, weakly shoving me away. "N-no!"
"Are you trying to kill yourself?!" I growl, panicked.
Crying, he gives in and rushes to the toilet, throwing up everything in his system.
"How long ago did you take those?" I demand, kneeling at his side.
Shivering and clenching his eyes shut, he groans. "N-not long ago."
"Did you take anything else? Are you hurting anywhere else?"
Breathing heavily, he leans into me and shakes his head a bit. "I didn't."
I survey his body, noting scars I've never noticed before and the fresh cuts decorating his skin. Feeling my throat and chest tighten, I reach for a wash cloth and begin gently wiping the blood off.
He flinches and tried to move but I sit him in my lap and hold him still. "Don't. I can clean up after myself."
I refuse to budge. "How long, Tae? How long have you been doing this and hiding it from me?"
"..."
"Why aren't you answering? Tell me the fucking truth!"
      He huffs, glaring at me. "...a long time. Why do you fucking care! If I just die then you're free again! Everyone can finally stop being tortured by my presence and I can finally have some goddamn peace! Just let me go!"
     "No!" I pull him into my arms and hold on tight. "I won't do that." Tears well up in my eyes. God. I truly loath myself. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Tae. I'm so fucking sorry."
     He stiffens. "S-stop it. Stop apologizing."
     "I won't. I'm so so sorry, Tae. I should have been there for you. I did this."
     He looks away. "Don't flatter yourself."
      I force him to look at me, holding his face and pressing my head against his. "I'm sorry. I've fucked up everything and everyone around me. The things I've done have brought you to this point and I never knew. I don't deserve your forgiveness but...but please don't die, Tae. You're my brother and I love you. You're my bonded mate. I care about you and worry about you. You can talk to me. If you need help..."
      Sniffling, he tried to pull away and fails. "Please just stop. It's not all about you, you know. I'm just overly dramatic today. I'll be fine later."
     I skeptically look at the bloody bathtub looking like a murder scene alongside the bloody wash cloth and empty bottle of pills. "You're not fine and nothing is going to change until you open up to me. I know I was never there for you growing up but I want to change that now."
      "I'm not Jimin. You don't have to try and fix anything with me."
     "This has nothing to do with him. I'm completely focused on you. Jimin doesn't need me right now but you do. I need you, too, Tae."
     "Y-you do?"
     "I do. Jimin and I are getting along but I'm not holding out hope for working out things better than what it is now. It's different between us, though. We're together for life—better or worse."
      He snorts, wiping the tears off his cheeks. "I really wish you didn't see all this."
     "I know but I'm glad I did. I needed to. Fuck, I never knew it was this bad." I'm ashamed how much I've missed. "What do you need from me? Anything...I'll do whatever you need."
     He smirks. "I need a new alpha to worship my body and fuck me. Can you get me that?" Sarcastic.
     I hesitate, remembering his frantic moves on me days ago. My eyes narrow in thought. "I'll do that."
     He freezes, shocked. "W-What?"  
    Stepping closer, I run my hand down his arm to grasp his hand. "If that's what you need to feel better. To feel wanted and needed and appreciated...I can do that for you. I want to."
     A blush appears on his cheeks. "The other day I was out of line. You don't have to force—"
     "I'm not. Forcing anything, I mean." Slowly, I cup his face and lower my lips to his, kissing him softly, my tongue gliding along his plump lips. "Let me."
     He gasps, opening up and I let my tongue sink inside, tasting him. He clutches my shoulders. "Joon...h-hyung...What..."
      I pull back a little, licking my lips. My eyes heavy and hooded. "You don't want me to?"
      He gulps. "It's n-not right."
     "Why not? We're mates, right? Isn't this what mates do, Tae? As an alpha isn't it my duty to fulfill my omega?" My voice turns lower, guttural as I pull him into another kiss.
     He willingly opens up and wraps his arms around me, moaning. "O-okay. Okay, I want this. Please."
     Hearing all I need to hear, I lift him up and carry him to the bed. Dropping him down gently, I trail my gaze up and down his body.
     He frowns, pulling his knees up to his chest and hiding. "Don't look. It's disgusting, right? I've really fucked up my body. No one would want this. I don't blame him, really..."
      Anger shoots through me and I clutch his jaw. "Hey. None of that. That bastard had no reason to do that and don't ever justify anyone treating you like shit, understand? There's nothing wrong with you or your body. You're beautiful and perfect as you are. Your little flaws make you and that's how it should be. They make you perfect."
      His lips tremble. "E-even more than Jimin?" His eyes widen in surprise at his own words and he shakes his head. "Sorry. Don't answer that. I know no one could compare to him in your eyes."
     I carefully think over my reply. "Jimin is special to me but so are you. Neither of you can compare to the other. I won't do that."
     Nodding, he lays back and covers his eyes. "Can we turn the lights off at least? I look like a fucking extra in a B slasher film on a bad day." Grimacing.
     I can't help it, I crack up.
     "See! You're laughing at me."
     "I'm not." Struggling to contain my amusement. "That was funny, though."
      Lips twitching, he shrugs. "Comedian or not, it's true."
     I get up and resettle myself at the edge of the bed, grabbing his ankles and pulling him down a bit. He yelps when I trail my fingers up his legs. "I want to look. I want to see every cut or scar you've placed on yourself and I want to know how many are because of me."
      He avoids my gaze. "Can't we just fuck?"
     I almost snort but stop myself. "We could and we will but I want to do this first."
     Pouting, he rolls his eyes. "The scar on my upper thigh." His voice is almost a whisper. I look to where he points and I see a barely noticeable shiny white scar on his upper left thigh.
     "Why? When?"
     "It was the very first. I was really upset because Eomma and Appa were fighting and needed you. I felt scared and unimportant. I went to your room but you just screamed at me and shoved me out. I hid in my closest and cried for hours. I was emotional and depressed. The maids brought my lunch. There was a knife on the tray. I didn't even think. I just picked it up and sliced my skin. It...it numbed my pain and let me focus on something else for awhile."
     I stare at him in horror. I remember that night. There were many nights like that.
     He chuckles dryly. "The bloodstains are still in the closet after all these years. No one has ever noticed."
     Pain pierces me as if he sliced the knife inside me instead. I lean down and kiss the scar, tracing it with my tongue and making him shudder. "Another."
     Panting, he spreads his legs a bit. I skim my nose up his thigh until my face is buried between his legs and his balls. He moans. "T-the scar o-on my s-side. Ughhh...I was angry a-about you always c-cursing me and used a r-razor to slice my side. I ended up n-needing stitches." He squeezes his legs around me. "Please...please...your mouth...suck me..."
       I trail my lips up to his plump hard dick and close my mouth over the tip, tasting his precum. I suck hard, drawing it out of him and enjoying his loud breathing and sexy sounds.
      I'm aware how wrong, how fucked up this is. Forbidden. We're brothers. Family. This is crossing the line but still...I don't feel repulsed. Actually, I feel we both need this. We are bonded, after all. It's exciting and makes me hornier at the thought.
     "Nghhnn...Joonie. Fuck...more, please, more!"
     I hold his bucking hips down as I take his whole length into my mouth and properly blow him. He squeals, all too quickly filling my mouth with cum.
     I swallow it down before moving off and crawling up to kiss him a little more aggressively than I'd intended. "Feel good, baby?"
     His wide eyes are blissed out as he kisses me, sucking on my tongue and lips. "Y-yeah. Let me make you feel good, too." He sits up and pushes me down, switching positions. Clothes are hastily removed and I groan as he immediately begins to suck my cock down his throat. God, he's good at this. When did he learn?
      I watch him work on my body with lust filled eyes, my hand pressing his head down to take my even deeper. He gags on my cock making me shiver as my orgasm builds and shoots down his throat. Pulling off, he opens his mouth and drools cum and spit all over my cock and balls.
     I narrow my eyes as he cheekily, strokes me back to full hardness. "You trying to get fucked?" Teasing a bit.
     He grins back. "Only forever." He spreads his legs over me and sinks down slowly, both of us groaning as he takes me deep, adjusting to the intrusion. "Oh fuck!"
      Gripping his hips, I give an experimental thrust. "Ready?"
     Biting his lip, he nods, rolling his hips as I begin thrusting and pounding into his ass in earnest. It's loud, our mingling breathes and the connecting of our bodies.
      He scratches my neck and shoulders, clinging on as I grope his ass and fuck him with everything I have. He cries out, cumming on my stomach. I don't stop. I go even harder, his ass clenching so tight around me it's almost painful.
     He chokes on a sob, shuddering out another release. I feel the wetness from his ass drenching my hips as he rides me, panting and sweating. His head drops down on my chest, lips latching and biting down on my nipple.
     Cursing at the sharp pleasure/pain, I flip him over onto his knees and give his ass a slap before sinking back in fast and hard, sliding deep in one smooth motion. "So fucking wet. You like getting your ass fucked by your alpha brother, omega?" Growling, I jerk him by his wrists and pound him. My teeth bite down on his neck, remarking him.
     He screams, body shuttering out another release as cum and slick run down his thighs. It splashes my legs and puddles under us as I continue my onslaught. "Yes! Fuck me harder! Namjoon!"
     "Dirty little slut. You've wanted this a long time, haven't you." Grasping his chin, I twist his head around for a kiss. It's primal and full of sexual promise.
      He sobs, shaking and overwhelmed. "Y-yes."
     "H-how long have you wanted me to pound your filthy little ass, hm?"
     Barely able to catch his breath, he drops down onto his forearms. "S-since before...J-Jimin. Everytime...ughhh...I-I gave him a b-blow job...I w-wished it was you. I i-imaged you f-fucking me when he did. I'm s-so fucking j-jealous of him." It's a rushed and breathless confession. Barely able to get it out through my heavy thrusting into his body.
      I vaguely realize in the back of my mind this is bad. A very bad situation and will inevitably do bad things to the both of us. His confession speaks volumes of deeper issues surrounding us but right now, balls deep in his plump tight ass...I find nothing wrong with his sexy confession. It turns me on more.
     "Oh really?" My mouth finds his once more, biting at his lips. "Such a dirty fucking omega. Craving your hyung's dick like that? How fucked up are you?"
     Moaning, he reaches between us to spread his ass cheeks for me, giving me even better access to go deeper. "I'm fucking s-sick, okay! Just as fucked up a-as you, w-who's fucking my ass right now!" He counters, tightening around me.
      I can't last much longer. With a growl and a few deep thrusts, I'm about to cum. I prepare to pull out but he stops me, grasping and clawing at my wrist so hard, he immediately draws blood.
     "Don't! I want you to c-cum in me! Fill me up." His eyes are desperate and pleasure struck.
    Apprehension fills me. "Tae—"
    "Do it! I want it so bad. You said you'd do anything. I want your cum inside my ass. Now fuck me harder and mess me up!" He growls.
     I lose my mind and my reservations as he forces his hips back and forth, milking my cock as I groan, cum erupting and filling his ass, spilling out a bit.
      Panting and tired but sated, I slip out and fall into my back beside him. He collapses onto my chest, our bodies glued together with cum, slick, and sweat. The aftermath is...euphoric to say the least.
      I refuse to let my mind think. Blissfully cleared and body relaxed, I hold the omega tightly in my arms as his body limply lays atop mine. "Feel better?"
     "Mhm."
     I'm nearly half asleep when I force an eye open to look at him. He really is beautiful. A beautiful omega anyone would be lucky to have. He deserves so much more...
     "Don't hurt yourself anymore. When you're upset, come talk to me, okay?"
     "Mhm."
     "Promise?"
      He finally opens his eyes to meet mine. "I'll promise if you promise me something in return."
     I smirk. "Always the opportunist."
     "Don't you forget it." He looks away, his fingers tracing patterns over my chest. "I want you to promise that if you and Jimin work out...you won't forget or abandon me."
     I sigh. "I'll never do that. I promise."
     He nods. "Alright. I promise, too."

The One I Need; Namtaemin(sequel to The One I Want)Where stories live. Discover now