She's Sisyphus even in a corporate scene and they're calling her dumb slut

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I went back home to take a shower and put on warmer clothes. I then dragged myself through the streets once again to attend the band meeting.

Lots of ideas had run through my mind in the past few weeks. It was like the new album was my only purpose, the only safe thing I could hold on to, in order to keep myself sane. I was going through a rather florid period from an artistic point of view.

It was real what they say, after all: everything starts from pain, nothing comes from happiness - except for vice.

In fact, I realized that in less than twenty-four hours my whole head was now occupied by Matty, and nothing else. Worst part is, I was so happy and thrilled that I didn't even bother trying to focus on anything else. I felt unburdened. My feet touched the ground, but I felt like I was floating.

When I entered in Jeremy's apartment, and saw his face, it abruptly dragged me down.

"Where are the others?" I asked.

"I need to talk to you first"

I sat on the couch in front of him. We used to do this kind of meetings at Jeremy's house cause we always treated each other as equals, like friends. But now he was looking at me like a boss, and I didn't like it. I knew he wanted to talk about Matty.

"How do you feel about the fact that Afterdream, already now, have attracted a reputation for being a band who's young singer hangs out with older men, committed men, have drunken hook ups with them and then exchange them for somebody else the next week?"

I stared at him speechless. "Excuse me?"

"How do you feel about the fact that, that's what's being spoken about you?"

I opened my mouth, incredulous. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously" he significantly raised his voice, "I invested in this band long before you even knew it existed. I saw the boys playing in pubs in front of six people while you were still in high school or eating spaghetti miles from here. And now that we got big, you're throwing it all away. And for what? For a fucking little love affair? Just grow up"

"Throwing it all away? What - what are you talking about?" I blurted. "I can't believe you're talking to me like this. It's my band you're talking about. I don't care how long you've known the boys, I'm the one who writes the fucking tunes" I took a moment to breathe, to calm my nerves. "How does my personal life get involved in our reputation as a band? What am I doing wrong? How am I a bad person for letting - "

"Look at what people write about you. Look at what the press writes. I told you to be discreet. And yet pictures of you with Healy are all over the place"

"It's not my fault people spotted us. And anyway, what's the problem? What's wrong with that? He's not a cheater, he broke up with his girlfriend. He's not a cheater and I'm not a slag"

He laughed bitterly. "Oh, they broke up? Really? Say that to the internet, cause last time I checked, no one warned the press or the fans"

"Is he obliged to warn the press about his personal business? Or the fans? No, he's not, cause its nobody's business. And if you think that any of this matter, then why don't you go and work Kylie Jenner and get the fuck out of my band? Cause we're musicians, right? Let's talk about music. We're not about drama or fucking gossip"

Jeremy shook his head. "So, you want to talk about music? No one cares about your music right now. They're too busy tweeting about your personal life, calling you a slag. And don't say I haven't warned you. If you care about the band, get this in your fucking head. People decide to buy your record depending on whether they like you or not. And trust me, right now, a lot of people don't like you"

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