To Be Child of God [A Merome Story]

✧Chapter 6✧

There was a lot to reflect on during that worship. I barely listened to anything our leaders had to say other than the confirmation the Rob, Grace and Preston had left the night before with the children, and that Terah had indeed stayed. Luke was gone too. They preached about how the outside world was a sure way to end up in hell, how only those who saw the light of god and remained here would end up in heaven. How we were to never mention the names of those who had left because they were dead.

Justice seemed confused when we walked out of the community hall, running up behind me to tug on the back of my skirt. I turned to her, crouching down. She was nine and didn't quite realise that her asking questions could get her in a lot of trouble, she was too young to understand the consequences.

"Charity?" She asked, whispering. "Is Grace really dead? I like her. I like Leah. Is Leah dead too?"

I honestly didn't know how to answer that. I couldn't tell her the truth without breaking the rule but she had often been around Grace, Grace having been her teacher and supervisor in school the year before. Grace had often come back to the school with her young children later to see the children and Justice had become very attached to the woman. Faith had heard her comment and we shared a look- she didn't know how to answer either.

"Now is not the time Justice." Faith said, ushering her away from me and to the car. I gave her a thankful smile.

God, she was too curious for her own good. She always asked questions and one day it was going to get her in a lot of trouble.

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At around half past 6, after everyone had had dinner at home and Faith and I had done the dishes, I was preparing an excuse to get out of the house to see Jerome. My first idea was to ask my mother for permission to visit Sarah and help her with her siblings for a while and I was about to ask, when a new voice echoed through the house.

"Praise the Lord." Jerome called as he stepped into the house, the typically greeting. No one knocked, you just walked in and announced your presence. I startled- why was he here? I was meant to be meeting him, he wasn't meant to come waltzing into my house! He deliberately avoided my eyes. "Is Gabriel here? I must talk to him."

My mother nodded, gesturing to the children to head to their bedrooms.

"Oh no, I will talk to him outside. I do not want to interrupt." He said, hands folded together, but to me I saw the glance, between me and the front door and gathered he wanted me to hear their conversation. I honestly couldn't think of an excuse until-

"Charity, hang out the washing."

I took the basket gratefully and when Gabriel and Jerome followed me, they sat themselves in a position that I could hear them without any trouble. Pegging up the clothing of my younger sisters, I eavesdropped on their conversation as Jerome spoke loud and clear.

"The elders want Terah remarried. They don't want her child to grow up without a father, and they want one of us to take Rob's place. Be that child's father." Jerome sighed.

"Why are you telling me now?" Gabriel asked.

"Because I think they want it to be me and I... I don't think I'd be able to do it. Pr- he was one of my closest friends, more like a brother, and I could never marry his wife and raise his child without always thinking of him." He sucked in a deep breath. "You understand the bible says you should never marry a brother's video and even though he's not blood related, he might as well be."

"If the Elders chose you..."

"Then I will do it, but not willingly. I will not be able to look at her or her child without remembering him, and something in me may blame her for it even though I shouldn't." Jerome paused. "You know what the bible says- Leviticus 20:21, if a man takes his brother's wife, it is an unclean thing. They shall be childless."

Gabriel had to think for a long moment, hand holding tight onto the side of the house so he remained upright.

"If I ask for her hand, they will not ask you."

"Yes."

"Did you have your eye on someone else?" He asked Jerome and despite his best effort, he couldn't help the look towards me. Gabriel turned, saw me, and smiled.

"Ah." Another pause. "Very well. I do not blame her for the sins of her husband. If the leaders allow it, I will ask for her hand." He gestured for me to come over to them and I almost dropped the dress I was holding in surprise, but did as he asked. "If they bless your union, I wish you the best. You would make a good husband and wife, and you will also be good parents."

I was almost blown away by his blessing- Gabriel followed the rule because he genuinely believed in it, and he knew more than any of us that young people should not try to arrange their own marriages. If he was blessing our union, he must have truly cared about my happiness, and he must have seen something in Jerome that he believed was good and godly.

Jerome gave me a smile. As he turned and walked away Gabriel turned to me-

"If your union be blessed, he will guide you on the godly path. He would be a good husband for you, Charity."

"Do you... do you really think that?" I said, tugging on my sleeve.

"Yes. I believe he is a Godly man and he would be a good father to your children. He will guide you to our lord."

He headed back into the house, leaving me alone to hang up the rest of the washing. His words troubled me because he clearly didn't know about anything the two of us had discussed, and those things did not make either of us godly. The talk of being transgender, of talking to those who had left the community, of leaving ourselves. No, it did not make us godly.

The conflict in my mind almost made me sick. I had been raised in this community to believe that our god was the only thing in our lives- we lived to please him, serve him. He could never be wrong. But now I knew that wasn't true, because some people could be born girls and become boys, as Rachel- Lachlan- had done. I still wasn't used to calling the girl I had grown up beside Lachlan.

I needed to talk to Jerome again, soon. I was incredibly thankful that my brother had agreed to ask for Terah's hand and raise her child and although it didn't mean they would get married because the leaders had yet to agree, it was a step in the right direction. It would likely mean that, if Gabriel was off the table, my friends would become wives and mothers and the 16-year-old girl would be left unmarried for another year.

With shaking hands I hung up the last item in the basket, an apron that belonged to Justice, and turned to go back inside. God, I just didn't know anymore. Please, answer my prayers.