To Be Child of God [A Merome Story]

✧Chapter 11✧

The move from the kitchen to the daycare was a bit of a shock to my system as I was still struggling to comprehend the sudden shift in my relationship with both my mother and Faith, but I quickly got used to it. The chaos of the nursery kept me distracted from thinking too much about everything happening for the six to eight hours I worked there a day. Another plus- I didn't have to get up at 4am anymore, and I got to miss Sunday and Wednesday worship to care for the children!

Although the new job was stressful, I found myself liking it. I didn't have a particular like or dislike for children, I was generally neutral towards them, but I enjoyed seeing their smiles. The way the older ones began to yell my name when I walked in the door, when I could calm a baby simply by holding them for a few moments.

The only problem was my friends were also working alongside me, and the only things on their minds was their upcoming marriages. They talked about it all the time, whenever we had a spare moment to breathe, and within days I was mentally shutting myself out of the conversations because it was driving me insane. I didn't want to talk about, not when I felt so awful about having influenced my match in such a way. Internally, I was still conflicted.

Was I doing the right thing? My whole life I had been fed this narrative about how we would be the only ones to achieve salvation because we lived this way. We protected our morality, we followed our elders. We lived by the rule. But now I was being told something completely different. I was being told our Lord could in fact make mistakes and those who left the community could live a happy life and could live openly. That the Lord's mistakes could be healed, but not here. I had already broken the rule countless times by talking to Jerome, but by arranging our own marriage we had shattered it to pieces.

If I was totally honest, the only thing on my mind was everything Jerome had been telling me. The new name, the possibility that I wasn't a girl. I was still trying to wrap my head around whether or not this was even real- could he be lying to me? Was he testing my faith, deceiving me, lying to me? I hated to think about it. He seemed so genuine, to really care about me, but it was a possibility. I needed to meet Lachlan myself, I knew that. It played on my mind almost every moment.

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I wasn't really expecting Jerome to show up. I had been sitting out the back, out of sight of almost everything, taking a moment to be away from the kids when I heard him call me.

"Mitch?" His soft voice echoed, startling me. I knew it could only be him, though. Who else would call me Mitch? "Hey, over here!"

I turned and saw him sitting up on the hill above me, soft smile on his face and gesturing for me to come up to him. With one anxious and scared glanced back towards the nursery, making sure that no one could see me, I gathered up my skirts and scrambled up the hill to sit beside him. Jerome immediately opened his arms to me, waiting for me to nod to hug me tight.

"I'm sorry, it's been awhile, hasn't it?" Jerome laughed a bit, gently fixing my hair where he messed it up. "How is Gabriel? I haven't talked to him much since he and Terah returned."

"He's good." I said with a smile. "They are preparing for the baby now, another month to go. He should be back to work within the next week. He's enjoying it. I'm not sure he's used to doing so many chore around the house as Terah isn't able to do much, but he's happy. I think she is too."

"That's good."

We lapsed into silence for a little while, just enjoying the company of the other. This was breaking the rule, but now I didn't care as much. My entire life was shattering it now. But then this question came to mind.

"Jerome?" I asked. "How many siblings do you have?" Jerome sighed a little, chewing on his lip.

"Depends who you ask." He said quietly. "Oldest of six, second youngest of seven. Ask my parents and they'll tell you the first, ask me or Liz and we'll tell you the latter. Liz, Elizabeth, she's 17. She's the only other one who remembers."

There was something in the back of my mind, a young girl a little older than me when I was young. I frowned. Jerome understood that I didn't quite get it.

"I wasn't born here Mitch, my parents came here when I was four. I already had an older sister, Lydia. That's why I don't have a biblical name, because I was born outside. By the time Elizabeth was born they were getting involved in the community, so they named her as anyone here would. Mother was pregnant with Damarias when we officially joined."

I nodded slowly. "I think... I think I knew that. Did your parent's change their names? They are Aunt Eleanor and Father Samuel, yeah?"

"My father did, not my mother. She was born as Eleanor. I don't know why they didn't change my name but..." He sniffed a bit, leaning back. He looked like he was trying not to cry. "Lydia died when I was seven. She just... didn't wake up one morning. They never really told me why. She just wasn't there one day and then I was the oldest. They tried to erase every memory we had of her, but Liz and I still remember here. I've got one photo of us when we were babies, before we came here. Before photos were banned."

He really was crying now, tears slipping down his cheeks as he tried to choke them back. It took me a moment to decide what to do but finally I reached out and took his hand, pulling him into a hug. Just as the first time he touched me to startle me out of my shock, my touch seemed to do the same thing for him.

It took him a few minutes but eventually he gulped back the tears and wiped them away, managing to hide the redness of his eyes.

"I'm alright now." He murmured, sighing deeply. "Sorry. I never talk about it so I guess... it's a bit emotional. Liz and I are always deadpan when we mention it."

"It's okay." I said quietly, but my eyes were now constantly slipping over to the daycare. I was expecting someone to come walking out at any moment to come and find me, and then they would catch us. Jerome saw where I was looking and got to his feet.

"You should probably head back now." He said, hand brushing my hip one last time. "It's been a bit too long, huh."

We lingered a little bit, his hand coming up to take mine and giving it a squeeze. Neither of us wanted to leave the other but we had to if we didn't someone would catch us. God, I didn't want to think what would happen if I was caught. They would never let us get married.

I had no idea what was going through Jerome's head. I had just turned to leave with finality, dropping his hand and turning to head back down the hill, when he caught me and spun me back around. His lips were on mine before I could even comprehend it- and then I was kissing back. I was kissing him. Jerome was kissing me.

We both pulled away gasping, flushed red, heart pounding so fast I thought I might faint. I couldn't believe it. We had kissed. But rather than feeling the crushing weight of the guilt of breaking the rule I had always felt before, I felt... free. There were butterflies in my stomach and Jerome's looked so surprised and happy that I couldn't help but laugh.

"Wow." I breathed. "I wasn't expecting it to be like that."

"It wouldn't have been." Jerome said quietly. "If it was on your wedding day. That was nowhere near seemly."

"No." I finally said. I was conflicted. "But... but-"

"Hey, no, what's that about? Did I kiss bad or something?" He grinned, nudging me.

"No I just..." I groaned quietly. "I'm not a girl Jerome. I... I know that now. But... you're kissing me."

"Who said I like girls?"

It took several moments for the sentence to make its way through my skull. I stared at him, eyes wide in surprise, because that was honestly a revelation. I supposed it made sense considering everything, but it still came as quite a shock to hear him say it out loud so casually. They preached against boys liking boys almost as much as having children before marriage and being out in the world. Did this count?

Jerome's let me go once more, nudging me back towards the nursery.

"Talk again soon?" He said, smiling. I nodded.

"Yeah." I breathed. "Soon."