To Be Child of God [A Merome Story]

✧Chapter 14✧

My mother helped me dressed, braiding my hair with careful hands before securing a headscarf over it for the first time. From now on, I could not be seen outside the house without my hair covered. I was no longer a little girl. Now I was a woman. My hands were sweaty and I couldn't even reach down and straighten my dress without getting damp patches on the white fabric. My mother did it for me, giving me a cloth to wipe my hands with. I tried to hand it back to her, but she refused.

"No, keep holding on it. I know this feeling, Charity. I know how scared you are, but it will be okay. Your husband is a wonderful man and he will be a wonderful father to your children. Do not be afraid, my daughter." She soothed me and for once, her words we comforting. I really felt like her little girl again. I wanted to stay like this, but after today it was never going to be the same. I was not going to be a child after today.

I stayed in the living room for about an hour, unable to sit down in fear of creasing my dress, still gripping onto the cloth for dear life. My siblings were up and dressed by six, each coming into the room to give me a tight hug. Justice was crying. She had leaned on me for so long and now she understood what marriage meant, no longer living with them, she didn't want me to go. All I could do was kiss her forehead and brush away her tears. When I gave Faith a hug I whispered in her ear,

"Look after them for me?" I choked back a sob. "And make sure Joy can do it when you marry?"

"Of course." She murmured. "I wouldn't do anything less."

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My body shook. I was given a ride to the church as it was too far to walk in my wedding dress and I was honestly almost sick. My anxiety was so high that I couldn't concentrate on anything, even as my friends came into the room I was waiting in, each in their own beautiful white dresses. I had seen them as they were sewing them, but I had never seen them wear them. They all looked radiant.

We could hear everyone chattering in the church, waiting for the music to begin and for us to enter. Before we were given the cue, our fathers entered the room, each with a bouquet for their daughters. The one my father had chosen for me was a mixture of white and beautiful red roses, the occasional pink flaring up. It was beautiful. I couldn't help but reaching up to hug my father, even though I really shouldn't have.

I went last. I didn't mind it, there was no particular order to anything, I just wanted it all to be over with so I could breathe and know I didn't have to worry about being married to someone else. Some part of me still thought this was a dream and I'd wake up engaged to someone else. This would make it official.

Jerome, along with the other grooms, were waiting at the front of the church, seated. Each had a chair beside them for their bride to be and once the first hymn was sung, during which we all walked to the front, we sat down beside our partners. Jerome's gave me a smile, but he didn't reach for me. He wasn't allowed to.

If I was honest, I really didn't remember much of it. I know there was a lot of singing, a lot of praying and an hour long sermon from our elders. They talked mostly about raising children in the light of the Lord, the women allowing their husbands to guide them. Making a godly home, being a godly woman. I just bowed my head and pretended I was praying, and I think Jerome did the same.

Our kiss was only just seemly. They were supposed to be short, as a ceremonial sign of our marriage, but Jerome just couldn't seem to help himself. I was the one who had to pull away. He pressed my gold wedding band onto my finger.

Then the couples were whisked away, led to the rooms that would now be their news homes. I almost cried at the sight of mine. I hadn't been in since I had done my part and I had received no news of what Jerome's sisters had done for me. They had chosen dark grey and some occasional very deep blues, but there were also pops of red. I loved it, it was beautiful.

But the moment the door was closed behind us, I stopped. I didn't have to pretend anymore. I didn't have to be afraid being alone with Jerome because it was no longer against the rule. I could touch him, I could talk to him. I stopped, I turned, and I threw my arms around him.

He held me and we both just sobbed. My wedding dress was creased and stained with my tears but I no longer cared. All I knew was that his arms were around me and he was there. He was there and it was okay.

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"Mitch?" Jerome's voice was trembling, but he wasn't crying anymore. He ran a hand through my hair, headscarf having fallen off at some point. "Do you want to hop up off the floor? My knees are hurting."

I managed a muffled laugh, choking back another sob, but he was right. My knees were hurting quite a bit, even after the hours we spent in prayer on the wooden floor in my family home. My body felt weak and I was still trembling, but I was able to stand and walk the six feet to our bed, where I just collapsed on my back. Jerome lay beside me, one arm over his face.

"Can we talk about something?" He asked, and I nodded.

"Of course." I mumbled. "But we have a lot of time to talk now. All the time in the world." I saw his smile, but it faltered after only a moment.

"Do you know how children are made?"

The question kind of surprised me, but I really should have guessed it would have come up. That was what consummation was, you were supposed to consummate the marriage, which was apparently what this time was for. I shook my head.

"No. Well, I mean, I've guessed. I've bathed my siblings enough times to know the difference between boys and girls, but I don't actually know. I believe it's against the rule, not that anyone would tell me. Things involved in marriage are supposed to be kept away from the ears of children."

Jerome looked disgusted. "Do they really throw the girls into marriage without telling them anything? That's messed up."

So Jerome explained to me, over the course of about an hour, how babies came to be. I ended the conversation more scared and upset than ever because if they shoved me and my friends into marriage without knowing that, what else didn't they tell me?! Jerome stayed away as I wrapped my arms around my knees, rocking a little. It disgusted me. It was all disgusting- who would want to do that!

That was what consummation meant too, what they expected newly wed couples to do. We were never have supposed to touch our partners before, never talked to them alone. We shouldn't have even known them. Yet here they were, expecting 17, 18 and 19 year olds to go through with this act in order to have children. I hated it. I hated it, I hated it, I hated it. I really was freaking out.

"Mitch?" Jerome asked, hand touching my shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. I'm never going to make you do anything like that. I know how disgusting it is. I know."

Very gently, Jerome pulled my arms so he could pull me into a hug, laying back on the bed with me in his arms. I just let him, eyes flickering closed as I tried to comprehend exactly what this new information meant. When my sisters were married, they wouldn't know what consummation meant. Neither would Jerome's sisters. Neither would my friends, who had just been married.

"It's okay Mitch." He breathed, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "We'll be alright. I think we'll be able to leave soon. I'm never going to make you do anything. I know what they want us to do but frankly, fuck them."

I couldn't help but gasp. I had never, never, heard someone of our community use those words before. I had heard them, sure, on the rare occasion I was in the nearby town, but the fact that he knew the word enough to use them startled me. Especially not Jerome.

He smiled a little at me, a cheeky grin. "Sorry, but I had to. It's true."

"Mm." I murmured. "I guess."

"I promise we'll be okay." He finally said. "We'll make it. We will."