To Be Child of God [A Merome Story]

✧Chapter 15✧

My parents saw us off on our honeymoon later that day. Jerome and I had spent a couple of hours together, just lying on bed and half sleeping while I tried to comprehend exactly what this new stage in my life meant to me. It gave me some time to reflect. Jerome and I didn't really talk, we didn't need to. We weren't exactly strangers.

I changed back into a normal dress after what seemed an appropriate amount of time, only after Jerome was in the bathroom. I couldn't change in front of him. I then packed enough clothing for a week into a small bag and glanced around what was now my home in all its beautiful colours. The bed was now a little bit rumpled, so I straightened the covers and ran a hand over the pillows, sighing. If all went to plan, we wouldn't be here long.

But as my parents showed us off, leading us to the car that Jerome would drive to take us into town, I noticed the way my mother was holding her stomach. I looked at her curiously, confused for only a moment before I realised.

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "Mother, do I have another sibling on the way?" She nodded, smiling.

"You do. You also have another niece or nephew on the way, as Terah believes she is expecting again!" She said excitedly, grinning like I had never seen her before. I supposed she believed she could talk about adult things now, as I was an adult in her eyes. "We will talk more when you come back, but they will be a few months old by the time you will be expecting your own Charity."

I managed to smile, but I couldn't stop the worried look I sent Jerome. How on earth would we manage to hide the fact I wasn't pregnant if we were still here in a few months? I didn't know how long it would be until we left, I didn't know how soon 'soon' really was, but it could be weeks or it could be months.

The moment the car door was shut, Jerome in the driver's seat and me in the passengers seat, and we were out of view of everyone I slumped down in my seat and buried my face in my hands. I just started sobbing because oh god, I couldn't. I had a new sibling and new niece or nephew on the way and, if we went through with it, I would never get to meet them.

Jerome had to the pull the car over not even ten minutes into our trip because I working myself into hysteria, sobbing so much I could barely breathe. He leaned across the centre console and held me. I think I must have fallen asleep.

---------------------------------------------------

Our honeymoon wasn't much of a honeymoon. I understood this was a chance to explore the real world, meet new people, break the rule as much as we wanted, but I was completely catatonic. For three days, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I just laid on the bed in the hotel room and let the tears drip down my cheeks as the realization settled in.

If I left, I would leave me siblings, old and new, behind. I would never meet this new sibling, I would never see any of my nieces and nephews, I wouldn't see Caleb grow up. I would never see my friends' babies. I would never see my siblings grow up or be married. I couldn't leave that behind. I couldn't leave my family and friends to a world I didn't know.

Jerome did his best to help me, but I wasn't very receptive to it. I didn't want to eat and his attempts to help me sleep didn't help either. I drifted for a few hours at a time, but never actually slept.

Finally, when the third day dawned, Jerome practically forced me up. He told me to have a shower, which I did, then handed me a new, clean dress through the cracked door. I felt a little better, if not faint, and after Jerome handed me a water bottle and tray of fresh fruit, muesli and yogurt from the hotels breakfast bar, I felt a little better. I didn't eat much, but enough that I wasn't starving anymore.

"Is that better?" He said gently, taking the towel from the desk and drying my hair. I didn't say anything, just let him dry, then brush and braid my hair for me. "I did it for sisters all the time." He said as an answer. "The whole no mirror thing made some mistakes."

I nodded slowly. The one strange thing about this room with the mirror. We had never had mirrors at home as it encouraged vanity, but it meant I didn't actually know what I looked like. I had caught glimpse of myself in pot lids or windows and the reflection of water and I knew I shared a striking resemblance to Faith, but it didn't show what I really looked like. In all my upset, I hadn't even bothered to look in the mirror. The one in the bathroom had been fogged up when I took a shower.

Jerome saw me looking towards it, the top of my head barely visible from my angle.

"It's strange, isn't it? Having all these changes and the mirror is the most damning." He said sadly. "I never understood the mirror rule. Didn't make sense to me. Maybe we'll have a mirror in our room somewhere, while we're still there."

"Mm." I murmured sadly. It seemed strange to me that worldly people had mirrors everywhere, in their rooms and bathrooms and stores. Maybe they really were vain.

"I'll be back in a moment." He said, standing up to head to the door. "I'm meeting someone quickly, I won't be long."

I nodded. I waited until he left but the moment the door clicked shut I was on my feet, examining myself in the mirror. I hadn't seen myself this clearly since I was a young teenager, when I found a broken mirror in the forest and spent hours looking at myself in the shards. I almost didn't recognise myself.

Reflected in the mirror was my sister, yet it was also my mother. Long wavy hazel hair, green-brown eyes, pale skin, a small spattering of freckles. I looked just like any other girl, if I was honest. Nothing particularly stand out, but clearly showing my family genes. Joy and Hope both resembled me too, and Justice was beginning to fill in those features too. The boys looked less like us girls and more like our dad.

For a little while I just stared at myself. It was strange, knowing this person staring back at me was... me. But I didn't truly believe it to be me. I had thinking of myself as a boy for months now, despite the long hair and dresses, but seeing myself so feminine shattered that illusion. Without knowing my true image, I supposed I could just make it up. I could make believe.

The tears were just beginning to flow again, curled up in a little ball on the bed, when Jerome opened the door again.

"Mitch?" He called. "There's someone I'd like you to meet."