To Be Child of God [A Merome Story]

✧Chapter 17✧

We never really took the opportunity to explore the town. I think Jerome might have gone out a couple of times while I was sleeping but I spent most of my time after doing just that- sleeping. I hadn't entirely realised how tired I was until I had no commitments, no responsibility, but then I just crashed. The moment Lachlan left and Jerome came back I curled back under the covers and simply slept. Jerome stayed, but he knew I needed the rest.

I didn't leave the hotel room for the rest of the week, except once to have dinner. Jerome didn't say anything to me about it, which I was thankful for. It seemed to strange to not have anyone hanging over my shoulder, complaining any moment my hands were idle and pushing the care of my siblings onto me. I think this was the first time in my life I didn't have to do anything and it was such a relief. I could finally breathe.

"Come on Mitch." Jerome said gently. "Time to go back home."

I sighed deeply. Everything was packed, I was freshly showered, hair braided and covered, but I wasn't ready to go back there. I understood that nothing was going to be the same anymore, I wouldn't be expected to care for my siblings every second and my time would mostly be expected to take care of our new room and spent time flitting between laundry, cooking and daycare until I was pregnant, at which point my only job would be to be a mother. The unmarried girls bore the brunt of the work in our community.

"I feel so lost." I murmured as I looked around the hotel room one final time. "I don't want to go back, but I don't want to leave either."

"I know." Jerome said quietly, wrapping an arm around my waist. "It's a scary time. But this is for you Mitch. However long you need, I'll wait."

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This new life was strange. I was unsure about my every move that I ended up hiding away in my new room for most of the day, only emerging for the minimum amount of time expected of me. For the first few weeks I was quiet, withdrawn. I only saw my family during church and at meal times, but from across the room, and I hardly saw my friends either. They were busy with tasks, taking care of the things they had been doing before we were married, and they were so busy they couldn't even stop and talk.

I felt isolated. Sure, Jerome was there most of the time but he was working during the day when I needed him the most. There were some things I felt I couldn't tell him, at least not yet. I was just... I didn't like this new phase of my life. I felt so alone and scared- I almost wanted to be back with my family, under their roof, where I was sure about my future. Where everything was planned out for me, and I didn't have to make my own decisions.

One day, about three weeks after we returned, Jerome was acting odd. He barely spoke to me at dinner, eyes glazed and hardly focus, and he didn't speak once we were alone. He sat in the chair beside the bed and stared out the window, chin resting on one hand.

"Jerome?" I asked timidly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm alright." He mumbled, but I knew he wasn't. I sat down opposite him, crossing my legs.

"Come on, I know you're not." I prodded. "What's on your mind?"

"I'm already getting asked questions about whether you're pregnant at work." He groaned, burying his hand in his hands. "Abel says his wife is already experiencing morning sickness. It's only been four weeks."

"Susanna?" I inquired. "She hasn't said anything about it to me yet, but then again I haven't really talked to her. Are they really already asking?"

"Unfortunately. I can't exactly tell them it's not going to happen, so I just have to keep saying soon, it'll be soon and hope it's not obvious I'm lying."

I didn't exactly know what to say to comfort him. I hadn't been asked just yet but I was honestly expecting it to come from my family soon, especially my mother. I think she and Terah were about three months pregnant now, and Caleb was a little over three months old.

The one person I had spoken to for a period of time from my family was Gabriel. I had seen him only a few days after my return, along with Terah and Caleb, and had held my then two month old nephew. We chattered about nothing in particular, they didn't ask about anything sensitive thankfully, but I couldn't help but ask the thing that had been playing on my mind for some time.

"Will you ever tell Caleb?" I asked my brother. "About his father?"

My brothers lips tightened into a thin line. Caleb began to cry in my arms so Terah took him, turning back to their room so she could feed him.

"I've decided we will not tell him. You know we do not mention the names of those who have left, Charity."

"I know." I said, a little more timidly this time. "But what does Terah think? She is his son too."

"I am her husband. It does not matter what she thinks, especially when it comes to something as serious as this. We shall follow the rule as we have been directed, and that means not telling him. Caleb will grow up as my son."

That conversation hadn't gone very well. It hadn't caused any tension between us, Gabriel wasn't one to hold a grudge or fault me for asking questions, but I think he must have mentioned it to Jerome at some point, because he came back from work one evening mad and confused.

"Your brother thinks I should talk to you about asking questions." He said, throwing his arms up. "Apparently you aren't allowed your own opinion."

"When was I ever allowed one?" I replied with a raised eyebrow.

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There was a girl running down the road towards me, skirt bashing at her ankles. She was coming from the direction of my house, where I had been heading towards, but it was only once she got close enough that I realized it was Faith, sobbing her heart out.

"Faith!" I called, frantic, reaching out to stop her in her tracks, pulling her into my arms. "What's going on? Faith, why're you crying?"

She just fell to her knees, pulling me along with her, and she just sobbed into my arms while I tried to calm her. I couldn't think of anything that could have made her this upset. Being punished or told off would not have made her this hysterical, and unless she had done something beyond comprehension and had been kicked out, I couldn't think of anything.

It took almost half an hour to get her to calm down, a wet stain on my shoulder as she sobbed into my dress. For a moment, all it did was bring me back to that day my name was read out, when I met the man who was now my husband. He had saved me, but I doubted there would be anyone to save her.

"They've betrothed me!" She wailed. "To Jacob!"

Oh no. Oh no.