Air Drop au

Kitchen Talks

Taehyung got out of bed and exited the room, sliding his phone in his pocket. He could see Jeongguk's frame hunched over the kitchen island, sitting on a high chair. He looked stressed, exhausted, and was overall lacking energy. Taehyung hated to see him this way, thinking that he was probably in that condition because of him. He was sorry that he had to witness him breaking down.

Quietly walking into the kitchen, Taehyung sat on the chair next to Jeongguk, placing a soft hand on his back, making the latter jump from where he was pressed against the counter.

"Sorry," Tae whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you." He looked down at his hands, too embarrassed about what his friend had witnessed just hours before.

"It's okay," Jeongguk said, voice a little weak. Tae could tell he was exhausted as well. "Did you sleep well?" he asked, looking over at the older despite him looking down.

"Yeah, I suppose so," he replied, picking at a hang nail.

"Good..."

"Jeongguk about what you saw..." Tae hesitated, looking up into the latter's eyes.

"It's okay, Tae, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to," he paused. "Just know that I'm always here to talk to. Or cry to. Or just rant. I'll always be here." And he meant it. He would always give his attention to Taehyung. He's so enamored with him that he just couldn't help it. And who wouldn't be? Tae is literally an angel sent down from heaven. Despite his past, Jeongguk knew he would always be there for him.

"I...I want to tell you. I think you deserve to know."

The raven haired boy nodded in response, signaling him to go on.

"As you clearly saw I'm not very emotionally stable, I guess." His voice was deep, quiet, monotonous. No signs of that happy energetic Tae everyone was used to.

"When I was doing all of that bad business I was the same way. I couldn't help but feel awful about what I was doing and the guilt really ate away at me."

He took a breath, looking up and meeting the other's doe eyes once more. "I got better. I really did. After I left for college I was able to move on with the help of my friends. But now everything is just back and...I don't know. I guess with my father trying to make himself known all of the negative thoughts are coming back.

"That obviously wasn't the first time I broke down. There was a time before just a couple days ago. Even though he was joking, what Hobi said really got to me. And with that negative thought came a lot more. It's like there's another person in my head telling me that I'm awful and I'm not worth it. That no one will love me and all I'm doing is hurting people...I suppose it's not wrong though."

Breathing was starting to get difficult as he choked around his tears. He didn't realize he had been crying until he felt Jeongguk reach over and wipe the tears off his face with his thumbs, holding his head in his hands.

Taehyung was silent for a while as Jeongguk digested all of this new information.

"Tae...you know that's not true, right? You're not hurting people. You're not awful, in fact, you're the kindest, sweetest person I know. Just be aware that those thoughts aren't valid. I know nothing I say will change anything or help you, but when you're having these thoughts, just try to remember that they're coming from a bad place, and it isn't true." He removed his hands from his face and went to taking the boy's hands in his own, softly caressing the backs of his hands with his thumbs.

"I try...I really do. I try to believe that those thoughts aren't true but-" his voice started to crack, "It's really hard. It's really really  hard. By the end I just give up and accept everything." There was no point in trying to stop the tears, he knew the stream was endless.

Jeongguk's heart broke as he looked at the man in front of him, broken by his past. Why do the best people have the shittiest lives? Why can't they be happy?

Jeongguk raised their hands and placed a kiss on the back, whispering how everything was going to be okay. Because with time, things would be okay.

After a couple minutes, Tae calmed down, no new tears running down his cheeks, just the occasional sniffle.

"Tae, can I ask you a question?" he said hesitantly, not sure if this is something he should be asking or not.

"Yeah," he whispered, readjusting his grip on the younger's hands.

"When you came out of the bathroom earlier, your skin was really red..." he trailed off as he saw the other's eyes light up in realization.

"Ah...you want to know why?" he finished the other's question for him.

Well, he's already said enough, might as well say more.

"When I'm having these episodes...more often than not they happen in the shower. It's a safe place. And when I start to feel like this it's like my mind is disconnected from my body. I just feel so empty and numb and I just want to feel something...so I make the shower really hot. Kind of subconsciously though...I don't mean to hurt myself, but I'm not really bothered by it because I can't feel it. The pain from the water is nothing compared to my thoughts."

Jeongguk feels for the older boy. He hates how he has to go through this.

"Next time you feel like this, talk to me instead, yeah? I can come home from school and skip classes if I'm not already here...I don't want you having to go through this alone." His words were sympathetic, and Taehyung saw how sad it made the younger to see him like this.

So he agreed. He would try to get Jeongguk the next time something like this happened.