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THOMAS WASN'T MADE FOR LOVE. He made peace with that long ago. He made peace with the fact that a man like him couldn't find love in the world that he lived in. Then she came into his life. She didn't love him and he didn't love her but there was something. A familiarity, perhaps?

He didn't know but his fascination with her was only going beyond everything he had intended. He didn't just want to know about her, he wanted to know her to the fullest extent. Beyond the business woman who broke the social norms, beyond the bored face and lack of desire to do anything besides be her own person. 

But he learned quickly, you can't always get what you want. 

She kept away from him and made sure that there was no reason for him to claim that he was trying to protect her. She didn't mind the men who watched her home but to have direct contact with him was something that she wasn't ready for. 

His intentions were cruel, he could admit that. He hadn't planned for her to have any value to him. She was to be the means to an end which would be the growth of legitimate business. He planned  everything before he met her and he couldn't stop just because he was worried he would ruin a relationship with another potential business partner. 

He leaned against the wall of the Garrison, watching Grace sing. Grace was a light in his darkness. He kissed that woman and all of his troubles stopped. She was a different kind of woman than Angelina. She made him feel the sadness he had, to allow his broken heart to feel more than he'd ever wanted to. 

Angelina was a mess. She was complicated and a darkness that once had light. She made him feel suffocated and terrified. They were one and the same with that. They would only drown each other with their pain and darkness. 

Angelina or Grace. The thought had stumped him when it first came to mind but it was the reality he was living in. It shouldn't have been a discussion but he could only handle so much with two women in his life that were pulling him in two different directions. 

And Angelina hadn't even known what she was doing to him internally. She made him want to scream, to be mad like those who came from the war as broken shells. 

The decision had been made before he even knew it. He hadn't acknowledged it but there it was. Deep within him was the resentment for himself for hurting her, the resentment of a world without her. The times he spent with her were always interesting. He couldn't imagine a world without her. 

"I trusted you and you didn't tell me."

After she left, he replayed everything in his head, the finest detail noted. He remembered her skin against his. He felt her emotions pouring out against him, scratching at his skin in anguish. The feeling of her fighting to be human made him ill. He recognized the feelings but they were overwhelmingly strong with her.

"You're so full of shit, Thomas Shelby."

He fought to keep her close to him but she removed herself from him. He felt cold without her near him. He was almost hopeless in that situation. She was going to leave that room and hate him. Then it would be Thomas Shelby against the whole world. Not only would his family hate him but Angelina would too.

"I don't hate you..."

Relief. He felt the lump in his chest disappear at the reassuring words. A lot of his contemplation beforehand consisted of all the possibilities that could happen once he told her. The main concern was that, would she hate him? He remembered feeling weight lifting from his chest but the following hammered him into the ground. 

"I don't want to see you..."

The lump returned, far greater than the one he had before. He remembered her light footsteps walking out of the door and out of the Garrison. Esther was quick to follow her, asking her what happened. He wondered the same thing. What did he just experience? 

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