This book contains some triggering event like self harm and purging and negative thoughts. So please, DO NOT READ IF YOU CAN NOT HANDLE IT! I know what it's like to be triggered from a book and not be able to finish it, so please, don't continue if you are easily triggered or can't not handle it.
It's okay if you can't :)
Also; do not fucking comment your weight, anything about your weight, or anything promoting self harm or eating disorders. I deadass just spent hours deleting hundreds of triggering comments.
Also, please don't fucking comment that one of the characters in this book is a rapist/will rape someone or anything about age. I've also had to delete hundreds of comments about that too.
Thanks
William
Never in my life did I expect to hate myself, especially my body, so much to the point that I harm it intentionally.
I never thought I would get to such a low point in my life where I would have to harm myself from a blade or not eating just so I could feel happier in some way.
No one caused it, like people would assume. No one bullied me for being too big, my parents didn't abuse me, I didn't have a tramatic childhood, no one but myself made me hate myself in every way, shape, and form.
I was a good kid. I got all A's and B's, the occasional C when school stressed me out. I had the best family, an older sister who was in college but still living at home, another older sister who was in the grade above me (a senior), and two younger, twin sisters that were in middle school. So I was left as the only male child, as well as being the middle child.
I didn't mind though.
My parents were still together and they rarely fought, and if they did, it was over something stupid like the dishes or who had to go shopping. We live in a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood in a very nice town.
It seemed like nothing in the world could ever rain on my parade. I had good grades, a great family, a nice house, plenty of friends, who would be sad and hateful towards their self with all that?
Me.
I am that person who has a dream life and family but still hates them self.
But outside shit doesn't always impact what goes on inside someone. It's their mind and how they see their self in any way.
"Can you set the table, honey?" My mom's gentle, melodic voice asked as she placed a large, juicy breast of chicken on a plate.
My parents and siblings know I struggle with eating, but they always assume it's just me being a picky eater, being stressed from school, or me just 'rebeling'. But that's not it at all.
I just hate myself so much that I have this mindset that if I eat too much, I will get fat and ugly. I have a fear of gaining weight of any sort.
It's been like that ever since I was younger. As I grew up, I was always afraid to step on the scale at doctor appointments.
I was always a small kid, but I grew up a little chunky until 8th grade. Once I hit puberty, I grew and slimmed out. But I still have the fear that I will become big and gain weight.
"Yes ma'am." I beamed, sliding off the bar stool, grabbing the silverware that were on the counter. "Gabby home?"
My mom shakes her head, "she's at Luke's house." I nodded, a set of utensils that was going to be my eldest sister's aside. I considered putting another set aside for myself, but I knew my mom would scold me for not eating.
