Defenceless l.s

Seven

I don't know how long I sat there crying, I had called him endless times and he still wasn't picking up. My finger hovered over the cracked screen for a moment before I pressed Liams contact again, hoping he would just answer but this time it went straight to voicemail and I felt my heart drop even further down, if that was even possible, I didn't know but it didn't really matter did it? Cause Liam wasn't here to pick it up and right now I was too weak to do it myself. He had turned off his phone. He really didn't want to talk to me. What if he didn't come back? A new wave of panicked tears rolled down my face as I started to sob again, not caring about how pathetic I must appear right now, nobody cares. I pulled my knees to my chest and threw my phone across the room as hard as I could before wrapping my arms around myself, trying to control the body trembling sobs that escaped my mouth.

When I finally got up the sun had started rising and I figured it would be best if I started getting ready for work, I didn't want a repeat of yesterday. I groaned in pain as I stood up from my hunched stance on the floor. My torso and stomach had started to bruise. Great. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and padded over to the bathroom and started the shower before stripping out of my clothes before carefully stepping in. The hot water washed over me and I felt my sore limbs relax a bit. I washed my hair and just stood under the shower head for a while. Last night's events ran through my head and I couldn't stop the new wave of tears that ran down my face, getting lost with the tears as Liams words played on repeat in my head. 'Do you want me to leave? Are you trying to drive me away? Well let me tell you, it's working damn well! If you keep this up, I won't hesitate to walk out that door!' My heart clenched in my chest and I just wanted to call Liam, find him and beg him to come back, to take me back. I couldn't bother to wipe my tears away.

Eventually, I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off before wrapping the towel around my waist and padding over to our bedroom. I numbly changed into my suit and styled my hair into a quiff the way Liam showed me and texted him a mirror selfie like I did every morning but he didn't reply. I sighed and slipped my shoes on before heading out, already feeling a headache growing.

I had texted and called Liam all throughout the day but all my calls just went to voicemail. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to go home to find Liam on the couch and curl up in his arms even if I had to beg on my knees for his forgiveness. I can't belive I was so stupid. I can't believe I lied to him and went behind his back. It's no wonder he left me. I would leave me too. I could feel my eyes getting misty and my throat clog up but quickly blinked it away and cleared my throat. I wasn't going to cry at work. The lack of sleep was getting to me and my headache was killing me. I rubbed my fingertips on my temples and let out a long sigh.

When I finally opened the door to my flat, my heart sunk. All the lights were off and it was awfully quiet. He's just at work, I told myself, he'll be back soon. I better start dinner before he gets home. I decided to make chicken lasagna, his favorite, to try to make up for what I did. I know it's not nearly enough of an apology, but it's a start. Maybe he'll forgive me for betraying him.

An hour went by and he still hadn't come home and I got this sinking feeling in my gut. Was he really not coming back? I tried calling him again but it just went straight to voicemail. So I texted him, asking where he was. I got no answer. What if something happened and that's why he isn't answering? I couldn't stand the thought of something bad happening to my Liam; and it would be my fault. My heartrate started picking up as all the scenarios played through my head. He could be lying half dead in some hospital bed right now and I wouldn't know. But they would've called me, so that couldn't have happened. What if he got mugged? What if he was out in some shabby bar to get his mind off his traitorous boyfriend and someone jumped him?

What have I done?

But then the rational part of my brain knew he was probably fine. He just didn't want to come home to me which hurt even more. Then I instantly felt guilty for thinking that. He could be somewhere out there, hurt, and I'm just here thinking about myself when this is all my fault to begin with. I groaned and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes to keep me from crying but the lump in my throat remained as I stood up and started phasing around the room, trying to calm my racing mind; but it did absolutely nothing.

Eventually I got tired and sat down on the couch. I kept checking my phone for messages but there were none. I tried calling him again but to no avail. I sighed and put my face in my hands. God. Why am I so stupid? Was he really not coming back? Was he really leaving me? I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. Then another. And before I knew it I was full on sobbing into my hands again.

I woke up to some rustling by the door. I got up from the couch and ran my hands down my face and padded over to the front door to see who it was. My heart almost leaped out of my chest when I saw Liam standing there, fumbling with the keys. I quickly opened the door for him and he stumbled a little and held the door frame for support. I threw my hands around him and buried my face in the crook off his neck. I was just so reviled when he came back. "I love you". I could feel the smell of Whiskey oozing off him and scrunched my nose. He grumbled something incomprehensible. I sighed and took his hands and led him in and closed the door behind him before helping him take off his jacket and shoes.

I led him to our bedroom and laid him down on the bed before pulling his shirt over his head. He just closed his eyes and seemed to have fallen asleep so I carefully took his socks and pants off so he would be more comfortable and threw them in the hamper before going into the bathroom and grabbed a wet cloth to wipe down his face and chest before stripping down and crawling up beside him. I wrapped my arms around his middle and rested my head on his chest, falling asleep listening to his steady heartbeat.

I jerked awake by the alarm blaring in my aer and quickly scrambled to turn it off, not wanting to bother Liam's sleep. He probably had a hangover as well so it would be best not to wake him. I thought about calling him in sick but decided against it, figuring it was best not to do anything without asking him first. I planted a kiss to his forehead before going to the bathroom and did my usual morning routine and went back to change.

I left two painkillers on the bedside table for Liam with a glass of water and left for another day filled squirming under Mr. Styles' bruning gaze and boring meetings that I would rather skip but I gotta make that sweet sweet cash somehow. I sighed, maybe I should have taken an Advil myself cause this killer headache wasn't really helping me focus.

I closed the door with a quiet click and turned the light on, it flickered for a moment before lighting up the room with a yellow taint and noticed that Liam wasn't here. I looked around frantically for a moment before realizing that he was probably at work and let out a sigh of relief. Good, he hadn't left me. I changed into a t-shirt and some sweats and heated up the lasagna from yesterday since Liam should be home soon.

When the food was done and I was setting up the table I heard the front door open. I quickly dropped the forks on the table and ran to the front door and threw my arms around him making him stumble back a bit but eventually hugged me back. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please don't ever leave me again. Don't leave me, please. I need you, I love you. Please. I'm sorry" I begged, my voice muffled by his shirt. He pulled back a bit and looked down at me, "hey, hey, it's fine. I forgive you. I'm here aren't I?" I nodded against his neck. "Thank you."

"Just don't ever lie to me again"

"I won't. I promise. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I rushed out, desperately needing him to believe me.

He sighed "it's fine, now stop apologizing. Lets just have dinner, yeah?"

I nodded "yeah, yeah, okay. Im sorry, I- I love you"

"I love you too. Now come on, I'm starving."