12 | тнιnĸιng oυт ℓoυ∂

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People fall in love in mysterious ways

Maybe just the touch of a hand

Chapter 12 ~ Thinking Out Loud

        Jamie Myers

It's all my fault. It's all my fault! It's all my fucking fault!

Sinking back into the uncomfortable chair, I clutched onto handfuls of my long hair and rocked back and forth while staring aimlessly at the tiled floor. I had probably been doing this for about an hour or so, just staring.

Amy placed a hand on my back in an effort to comfort me, and I appreciated the gesture, but it did no good. "Jamie," she said softly, "please don't beat yourself up."

I shook my head, refusing to listen to her. How could I not beat myself up? I'm the reason why we were both sitting in the hospital's waiting room, anxiously waiting for the doctor to tell us that Scar is going to be okay. If something happens to him, it'll be my fault.

I dug into my pocket for a cigarette and lighter, and stuck the cig into my mouth once I lit it.

Beside me, Amy gasped. "Jamie. You can't smoke in here."

I gave her a sideways glance. "Don't care," I said, short. Honestly, I didn't. No one could throw me out because my feet were planted into that very spot and if the other people in the waiting room got cancer from my secondhand smoke, then I still wouldn't care.

"They can fine you if you don't stop," she said again, still trying to get me to stop.

I shrugged. "Let them."

"Look," she said as she fixed her posture in her seat and gave me a serious look. "I understand why you're being like this. Hell, I'm freaking out on the inside but I'm not letting it sway my actions. I know Scar will be fine."

I rolled my eyes and groaned as I threw the lit cigarette on the floor and stomped on it. She was wrong. No one could possibly know if someone was going to be okay. I thought my parents would be fine when I left them alone in that car, but they weren't. They died.

But just for Amy's sake, I stubbed out the cigarette.

"Jamie?"

I lifted my head to the source of the voice and I was instantly relieved when I saw Jillian standing just in front of the revolving doors. "Jill!" I exclaimed as I stood from my seat and practically ran to her. I wrapped my arms around her and reveled in her embrace. "You came!"

She returned the hug. "Of course I did, Jamie."

"I'm so so sorry for leaving you, Jill. I should've stayed. I promise I won't ever do it again," I whispered into her ear. "I love you, Jill. Please don't ever forget that, okay?"

She patted my back. "Love you too, Jamie. Though it's kinda funny that it took Scar to end up in the hospital for you to tell me you love me."

I broke away from the hug and gave her a stern look.

She raised her hands in defense and pulled her rosy lips into a wide smile. "It was just a joke, Jamie. Just a joke."

I took a deep breath as I led Jillian to the waiting room, where Amy awaited us with a huge smile on her face. She nearly jumped out of her seat. "You're Jillian, right? Jamie's twin sister?"

She nodded and returned the friendly smile. "Yeah, I am." She took a seat next to Amy and they began to talk about, well, girl stuff.

I, on the other hand, was too busy worrying about what could happen to Scar that I couldn't join in the small talk. I just needed to make sure he was okay. Maybe then I could relax.

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