Her Smile- A Lapidot Human Au Fanfic

Writing The Letter (angst)

  TW
discusses rape
Discusses drugs
Really fucking sad

They sat together for a while on the couch, Peridot curled up against Lapis while she was petting Peridot's hair. This was to help her compose herself from this, one of many anxiety episodes. As her breathing slowed noticeably and she started up slow conversation again, Lapis took the cue that she had calmed down.

"Hey, if you don't answer, I completely understand, but what happened on that phone call?" Lapis asked.

       Peridot took a sigh, beginning to explain.

Lapis listened attentively the whole time she explained.

Nothing too out of the ordinary for the situation, but what surprised her was when she brought up that she would have to write a letter for the court explaining how the illegal act affected her physically, emotionally and financially.

This was something she hadn't heard of much, but being that said crime committed against her was literal rape, she could understand how she would need to write down how she was affected.

"Is it supposed to be given at a certain time?" Lapis questioned.

"This isn't a homework assignment, Lapis. I assume just to get it done by the time the proceedings start," Peridot replied. "But, since I hate the impending doom of an unfinished assignment hanging over me, I'm gonna go get started on that," Peridot said getting up and walking to the desk.

She sat down at the chair and opened her laptop to her typing program, starting to type.

Lapis's POV

Peridot had been typing at the desk for about 5 hours nonstop. She hadn't gotten up to eat or get a drink, so I went to the kitchen to make her a sandwich and grab her a water bottle from the fridge. When I came back with her food and drink, she was still typing away at her laptop

"Hey, Peri," I told her.

She jumped, startled. She looked beside her, shaking a little but immediately calmed down when she saw me.

"Sorry!" I immediately apologized since In no way did I mean to startle her. Especially with how jumpy she's been lately.

       "It's fine," she replied.

      "Anyway, I got you some food and drink," I told her placing the plate and cup beside her on the desk.

"Thanks. I was getting hungry," she replied taking a sip of her water.

-

Time skip 2 hours.

-

I had been on my phone for a while when I noticed 2 whole hours passed.

I hadn't heard Peridot get up at all so I looked up to check on her.

When I spotted her, she was still at the desk, but her head was down.

Her cup and plate had been emptied and she appeared to be asleep.

When I got up and approached her, my suspicions were confirmed when I heard small snores coming from her. I carefully lifted her up and laid her on her bed, draping blankets over her and placing her head on a pillow. She still remained sleeping peacefully.

When I went to go clean up the desk, I noticed the that she must've fallen asleep in the middle of the last sentence as I was reading it silently to myself.

"Your Honor,

On Tuesday, March 15th, 2016 at approximately 6 PM, as you and everyone else in this courtroom is aware of, I had been drugged and raped by a woman who I had known since childhood. I was in her and her roommate's apartment room for a group project between me and her.
       
       I got there at exactly 6 PM. She answered the door in very revealing clothing; specifically a bra and short shorts. She told me we would be doing the project in her bedroom.

      The whole setup and scenario came across to me as suspicious, but being I have been attending counseling for anxiety since the age of four, so it was apparent to me that I can be paranoid.
      However, I wish I had listened to my gut at that moment. When I entered the room, immediately after I sat down at the desk and opened my laptop, she offered me a snack. Being suspicious, I said no, but was pressured into letting her get me water. The last thing I remember was drinking the water. I was told that I passed out due to what I found out from the doctor was Rohypnol mixed into the drink.

       I woke up tied up, stripped of my clothing and to say I was terrified would be horribly understated. I can safely say that was the mosh afraid I have ever felt in all my eighteen years of life. I screamed, cried, telling her how I do not consent but she continued violating me and touching me where I repeatedly told her not to.

     This continued for hours, and had my roommate not come with food, I can't imagine what would have happened to me. No matter how kind she was, I was still horrified. I remember how badly I was trembling in the backseat. I was sobbing all night and still shed tears.

While the event hadn't affected me much physically, I did come out of there with several bruises on my navel, chest, neck, back and legs. There were lashes down my back from what looked like a riding crop used on horses. She said it was for crying and screaming so much. There were deep cuts all down my leg from her pocketknife. She said it was for screaming for help and begging her to stop. To leave me alone. My entire body ached horribly for nearly a week. While the physical pain fades Over time, I doubt I can say the same for how I was affected emotionally.

       Emotionally, I remember how horribly I was shaking after the event. As I said, I hadn't stopped crying the whole night and leading into the next morning. Even still, I have moments. I remember how the rest of that next day was spent cowering on my couch, scared and confused. I was safe, and my roommate took good care of me, but I was still horrified. A shell of who I once was. A shell that I still have yet to come out of. I'm still scared to let anyone in aside from my roommate. Since the incident, I have been identified with symptoms of PTSD, my anxiety has reached an all time high, and also identified with depression and panic syndrome. All the nights where I shoot up screaming from night terrors about the event, all the panic attacks I've had related to even the smallest triggers, the long weeks of my life spent cowering under blankets and long sleeved clothing, the crying, the flashbacks, all because one selfish person couldn't keep her hands to herself. I haven't worn anything that in any way exposes a single part of my arms, shoulders, stomach, any part of my legs, neck or feet ever since I was raped. The feeling of open air on any part of my body gives me immediate flashbacks. I haven't been able to be alone due to what happened to me. Everyone thinks I'm ok when I'm not. I used to be such a happy person, but now I haven't actually smiled in weeks. I don't want anyone to get too close to me. I haven't let anyone get within a foot of me unless it's my roommate. The only person in this world who I feel safe with right now.

        Financially, I wasn't too greatly affected other than how I've had to spend hundreds on newly prescribed medications by my therapist. A stronger dosage on my anxiety medications, and an antidepressant. All tablets that I have to take by mouth because of the one event.

        I hope you understand what I mean.
   
                        Sincerely,
                                         Perido(...)"

           I could feel my heart break for her reading her letter. She did not deserve to be violated like that. Either way, I know one thing.

        Things will get better for her.