Half of What I Could Be

Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Mae

It felt like years since Jacin stormed out of the Motel. In actuality, it was only an hour or two. Every minute that went by just poked more holes into my trust issues. The unrealistic part of me kept claiming that he was never going to come back. I knew that couldn't possibly be true. Could it?

I laid in the surprisingly comfortable bed and stared at the fire alarm on the ceiling. It was just me, the dark, and the pulsating red light. No matter what I did, I couldn't fall asleep, even though I was beyond exhausted. I was scared. Not of the dark (I got over using a night light last year), but that I just made a huge mistake. Any progress we made in our relationship disappeared in a second. What were we anyway? Friends, acquaintances, enemies? Jacin being hot one second and cold the next was something I was growing used to.

I was also scared of my weird lust for him. It felt like my body no longer communicated with my mind. Even my rash stopped burning upon his touch. It made no sense. Yet, it felt like deep down I knew what was going on. It was like I was trying to remember a celebrity's name, but I just couldn't figure it out. It was on the tip of my tongue yet still so far away.

Blink....Blink....Blink. I tossed and turned and still nothing. No sleep, no peace, no Jacin. Right when I was about to get up and beat his car with a broom out of anger, the door swung open.

The street lights were enough to illuminate the outline of Jacin's body. By his accelerated respiration rate, I could tell he must have just gone for a run. I quickly shut my eyes, trying to portray that I was fast asleep. He stood in the doorway for a second, probably trying to collect his thoughts, and then promptly shut the door.

I heard some shuffling around the room, and then a bag zipper opening. I couldn't help myself, I opened my eyes just a little. I probably should have been ashamed, but I wasn't. Right when I squinted my eyes open, I was met with a shirtless Jacin unbuckling his pants to put on some sweatpants.

My first thought was how many hours a day did he have to workout to look like that? He paused right when he unzipped his pants, and then turned toward me. My heart accelerated. I was caught.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer."

I quickly shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep again. Should I do some fake snores? No, that would have been too much.

"I know you're awake. I can hear your heart rate, remember?" He continued.

Should I have responded? Or should I have just kept on the ruse? He knew I was awake, so if I continued to pretend, I was going to look stupid, "No, I'm not."

Yep, that was the way to go. Denying I was awake like a five year old. He just let out a sigh and walked over to the other side of the bed. This boy better not have thought he was going to share a bed with me after what just happened, "Uh, what do you think you're doing?"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm just grabbing a pillow so I can sleep on the floor."

"Don't talk about my panties, you creep." He, again, let out a sigh of annoyance. I heard him place the pillow down on the floor by the opposite side of the bed, and lay down.

"How am I the creep when you eye raped my body when I was changing?" He said calmly. He did have a point.

"Says the guy who fondled me through a towel," and just like that, everything got awkwardly silent...again.

"Please don't say that," he finally said in a strained voice.

"What? Should we pretend it didn't happen?" I asked. I knew I should have just dropped it, but I was getting flustered .