adrenaline junkies-jj

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i sighed in pure malaise while watching my feet swing from where i sat in the golf cart,
the air being filled with topper and rafe's incessant yelling about their game.
i looked to my side,
where my best friend sarah cameron sat,
her expression mirroring mine;
bored and ready for something better to do.
despite what you may have heard,
the kook life was nothing but boring.
all it consisted of was drama,
parties that held too many drugs to be considered legal,
and parents that gossiped nonstop.
"i wanna go home,"
i mumbled to her.
sarah cameron laughed a little before responding with,
"me too."
the silence suspended over us again as we continued watching the scenery around us,
despite nothing changing since we arrived.
topper and rafe golfed like their lives depended on it,
since they bet money on this game,
and left me and sarah to each other's company.
"you would think they'd be better at this with how much time they spend here,"
sarah scoffed while using her hand to shield her eyes from the blinding sun.
i let out a echoing laugh,
louder than i expected,
and nodded my head in agreement.
sarah cameron and i shared a low giggle as rafe's ball went flying in the air,
only to hit the water and become lost.
as though he heard us,
rafe whipped his head around and eyed us.
"good job, buddy,"
i said with sarcasm drenching my tone,
giving him a thumbs up to mock him a little bit more.
he rolled his eyes and returned his attention back to the game,
though not before shoving topper for laughing along with me.
the day seemed to drag on,
beginning and ending the same as yesterday.
topper and rafe would go to finish their game and hurry home to prepare for the upcoming party tonight.
the scene was old,
and it had been old for years now.
except recently,
i had grown intolerant of it and knew that attending one more kook party would send me into a fit of rage.
sarah cameron and i craved excitement;
something to get our adrenaline rushing without flushing our systems with intoxicants.
"let's go to the cut tonight,"
sarah suggested in a whisper as we now sat on the chairs on her front porch.
i quickly turned to face her and asked,
"the cut? like-like where the pogues stay?"
she giggled at my bewildered expression.
"yes, where the pogues stay!"
i let out a breath of contemplation then began shaking my head.
"i don't know, sarah...that's a little bold."
"you want excitement, don't you? something out of this boring, cultish life. something bigger and better!"
she left me with that before topper carried her away for what i assumed would be another argument.
i laid myself back against the chair,
breathing in the fresh air while my eyes laid on the sun setting just beyond the horizon.
i smiled at the sight.
it would always be the most beautiful thing to exist in my opinion.
while i sat in silence,
i couldn't help but become more and more attempted to agree to sarah's plan.
it was intoxicating,
this race in my heart that began at just the mere thought.
"hey,"
rafe greeted as he took a seat next to me.
"hey, rafe,"
i returned,
not taking my eyes off the slowly moving water.
"you look good today."
he smiled that cocky smile,
his eyes burning a hole in me.
"thank you,"
i returned as cordially as possible.
as awkward as it made everything,
rafe had fallen in love with me and hadn't let up since.
despite my many rejections,
some easier than others,
rafe was bound and determined.
but i knew rafe and i would never last.
"when you gonna give me a chance, y/n?"
he asked abruptly.
i felt the heat swarm in my cheeks at the sudden attack.
"come on, rafe. i want to spend my summer alone, without being tied down. plus...you're like a brother."
"yeah. whatever,"
he muttered before storming off to do whatever illegalities he saw to with his friends.
so embarrassing.
i rose from my chair before looking to find my friend,
who was now visibly upset.
i watched for a moment as sarah and topper argued with one another,
their hands flying around in anger and irritation.
i sighed and stepped forward,
my eyes never leaving sarah.
"hey, sarah. you ready?"
she craned her head to face me and widened her eyes;
i had said something i wasn't supposed to.
"ready? where are y'all going?"
topper asked,
dropping his hands to his side.
i rolled my eyes,
which was something of a habit now whenever i heard his voice.
"not that it's any of your concern, but my best friend and i have plans to get our nails done. now, if you'll excuse us."
i reached for sarah's wrist and pulled her away from the scene.
we made our way to my car.
"he's such a douche,"
she sighed while sitting in the passenger seat,
running a hand of frustration through her hair.
"i know. your brother is too. guess that's why they get along so well,"
i said with a shrug.
hearing her laugh always made me laugh too.
"did he try to get with you again?"
"something like that."
i kept the conversation short,
considering how humiliating it was for me,
and made way to our favorite smoothie place.
"so....the cut?"
sarah asked as i pulled into the drive through,
her eyes filling with an excitement i'd never seen before.
"i don't know, sarah. youve always been scared of the pogues. this is new,"
i spoke before something clicked inside of me;
a piece of information that was necessary to her sudden spark in adventure.
"holy shit. you met someone, didn't you? and that's why you wanna go over there so bad? to see your little pogue boyfriend?"
i teased,
though my mouth was agape in pure surprise.
i never really understood why breaking that breach between the island would always come as a surprise;
as though it were taboo to even consider it.
sarah's cheeks turned a dark shade of red,
confirming my accusation.
"sarah cameron. two men? from different sides of the island? can't say i'm disappointed."
i giggled before repeating our order.
"please don't tell anyone. i'm not cheating on topper, it's just... complicated right now."
"when have i ever told anyone anything? besides, that's not my business. just...be safe, please."
sarah's shoulders relaxed beneath my words of reassurance.
i couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for her at this reaction;
she was always so worried about what people thought of her.
"it's john b,"
she informed me.
"john b?"
i exclaimed,
while pulling up the window to pay.
"shh!"
she warned,
"people are listening in there!"
i nodded and swallowed my giggle,
lowering my voice,
"sorry. john b?"
"yes. y/n, he's so sweet and nice to me. he makes me feel so good about myself, treats me with respect. he's way better than topper ever could be."
"good. that's good, you deserve someone like that."
i nodded as i handed her the drink,
then getting mine and driving off into the night.
"he has a friend, you know?"
"i'm sure he has a few...your point?"
i asked,
raising my eyebrows to her tone of scheming. 
"we could...find you someone."
i nearly spit out my drink.
"sarah, as nice as john b is to you, i doubt his friends are the same."
"i've met them, y/n. they're just as welcoming and fun!"
i shook my head and held a hand up to stop her from continuing.
"i'm not letting you set me up, sarah cameron."
***
the higher the moon seemed to rise in the sky,
brightening the world around us,
the higher sarah and i's spirits rose.
we had been aimlessly driving around for a while now,
singing loudly and giggling amongst one another.
as i watched the clock turn to ten,
she turned to me and asked,
"can we go now? i want to see him."
sarah had her hand wrapped around my arm;
an act of desperation.
i couldn't help but to agree.
anything that would make her happy,
i was practically obliged to do.
plus,
i'd be lying if i said this veering to the pogue side of the island wasn't exciting.
once we arrived at john b's house,
sarah slid her arm into mine and held me close,
sharing my nerves,
and walking us in.
i was instantly met with the sounds of loud music,
cheering, and the crushing of beer cans.
i persisted,
no matter how many beats my heart was currently skipping.
sarah asked me if i was okay,
and after reassuring her what felt like a million times,
she walked to find john b and left me to find company on the couch.
i pulled my phone out to distract myself then began scrolling through social media,
seeing posts from people on the other side island.
"ew,"
i muttered to myself as i scrolled past rafe's new snap.
"i agree,"
the boy with blonde hair and a cut lip spoke from behind me.
i turned around to face him then shared a laugh.
"he really looked at this and thought it was okay to post. embarrassing."
"i've always said it: rafe cameron's a loser. never understood why you two hang out,"
he said while hopping over the couch to sit right beside me.
i found my lungs being filled with a cologned air. 
"that's the price you gotta pay being best friends with sarah cameron,"
i explained with a snicker.
"ah. so you came to the cut to be a third wheel?"
"yeah, basically."
the boy leaned back against the frame of the couch,
his long arms extending against it.
"welcome to my world. you know how many times i've been forced to go with him to the kook side of the island? too many times. about time y'all came here."
we laughed together at this.
he was easy company,
and i found that his smile ignited mine. 
"jj,"
he then introduced,
extending his hand for me to take.
"y/n,"
i shook his hand quickly.
i found myself overcome with nerves at the slight touch.
"y/n? i like that. it rolls off the tongue real nice."
"yeah?"
he nodded in confirmation and put the beer can to his lips,
the liquid traveling down his throat.
i watched as he swallowed,
wondering why it was so difficult for me to tear my eyes away from him.
though it wasn't difficult to figure out why,
i told myself some questions don't need answering.
as the time passed between us,
we grew more and more comfortable with one another.
i was sure the effects of alcohol was helping us,
but i enjoyed it nonetheless.
soon enough,
we were making jokes that made us laugh so loudly,
it often drew the attention of others,
and made our stomachs cramp.
though we didn't stop,
not even for a second.
we had been so caught up in one other,
we hadn't realized john b and sarah were gone,
that the music had been cut off,
or that the party had been over for hours now.
"you're funny for a kook,"
he said suddenly,
rubbing his reddened eyes.
"for a kook?"
i repeated with raised eyebrows.
"yeah. they're all usually programmed robots set to be perfect people with no personalities."
he changed his voice to sound monotone,
imitating that of a robot.
"hello. i am rich. i like coke. i want to judge everyone ever."
we both let out another burst of laughter that,
when coming together in the air,
seemed to create a beautiful chime.
my body,
now visibly tired and past drunk,
caused my head to fall against his shoulder and rest there.
neither of us moved.
"you're pretty cool for a pogue. thought you'd try to shank me when i first got here."
i giggled.
i felt his body shake beneath me as he laughed.
"i'm kind of tired, jj."
"want me to take you home?"
"no, you're not good enough to drive and i'm definitely not. where's sarah?"
"in the room with john b."
"will you go check on her for me?"
i asked,
my head spinning from the alcohol intake.
i was sure any sudden movement would cause a hurl of my stomach contents.
"yeah i'll go look, light weight,"
he teased while gently easing me off his shoulder and lying me down.
seconds passed until he returned,
saying,
"she's good. they're both knocked out cold."
"thank you."
i whispered,
looking at him through bloodshot eyes.
he sat beside me and asked,
"wanna watch tv?"
"mhm."
i slowly got up to sit upright,
but jj placed a pillow into his lap and eased my head down to lie there.
i was grateful for his care,
as odd as it may have seemed to anyone else.
when my head hit the pillow,
i found my eyes instantly closing to the rhythm of jj's breathing.
what a perfect lullaby.
***
i woke up the next morning to the sunshine beaming through the curtains and into my eyes,
where i winced away.
"shit,"
i groaned as i sat up from my seat.
my head throbbed and my body ached from my sleeping position,
but i found that a hole in my heart had suddenly been filled.
jj,
who had been my pillow for the night,
was lying asleep with his head against the frame of the couch.
i smiled to myself,
admiring how peaceful he looked.
the glow of the morning gazed into the room and turned his skin bright,
bringing light to how blonde his hair truly was.
i couldn't stop myself from running a gentle stroke of my fingers down his cheek,
too enticed by his marble skin to stay away.
his eyes slowly opened upon my action,
bringing an instant smile to his face.
though his eyes were still coated in sleep,
he reached for my hand and entwined our fingers together.
"good morning, kook,"
he spoke with a voice coated in morning rise.
"good morning, pogue. did you sleep like that?"
i asked,
noticing he hadn't moved an inch since last night.
"i did."
jj hesitantly let go of my hand,
but decided that getting up to stretch his cramped body was more important right now.
he stood up and straightened the entirety of his body out,
his bones popping in response.
all i could do was stare as the length of his body was brought to my attention;
the slender arms,
the long legs,
his abdomen that was shown with the slight rise of his shirt.
"you want some food?"
he asked when he was done,
throwing me a grin.
"you are cooking?"
jj laughed at my remark and nodded quickly,
as though i were insane for saying what i had.
"hell yeah. i'm a great chef."
i got to my feet then followed him to the kitchen,
where i would soon watch him fumble with the utensils.
"oh, my god. this is pitiful,"
i said with a laugh being hidden in the palm of my hand.
"hey, hey. shut up,"
he joked,
pointing the spatula at me in mock warning.
"why don't we go get some edible food, yeah?"
"mhm, you paying, kook? or do we need to run by your house and get your platinum credit card?"
jj laughed at his own joke.
i mocked his laughter then returned a joke of my own,
"yes, jj, i'll pay. first dates on me."
he stopped as the words left my mouth,
which made me freeze up in turn.
my body was covered in heat now.
"that was just a jo-"
"first dates on you? kind of ripping my manhood from me, y/n."
jj quickly said before i could mumble anything further to make it awkward.
i laughed in relief and felt his fingers wrap around my wrist to lead me out of the house.
as we reached my car,
he held his hands out while walking to the drivers side of the car.
"if you're paying, i'm driving. gotta keep some testosterone."
i threw him the keys and we piled into the car,
headed to our first date.
***
two weeks later,
jj and i were attached at the hip.
we kissed every chance we got,
fell asleep at night with one another,
hung out until the sun fell,
found fun in one another,
and laughed until we thought we'd run out of air.
it was nothing short of grand;
the highlight of my summer.
despite the doubt i often felt when we avoided the discussion of becoming official,
i would push it aside to enjoy the life i was leading with jj.
like now,
for example.
"stop!"
i squealed loudly as i ran down the beach,
sand being kicked up behind me while jj chased me.
"i'm sorry!"
i pleaded with the laughter bubbling out of me as he picked me up.
"too late!"
he cackled.
i held him tightly while he hurried to take us to the freezing water.
i buried my face in the crook of his neck now that the water was splashing against him and soaking me.
it chilled me to the bone.
"jj, i hate you!"
i yelled just loud enough for him to hear.
"no you don't!"
he jeered before returning me back to shore.
he set me down,
where i quickly gave him a shove and laughed.
jj then reached for my hand,
threading our fingers together,
then began a walk down the length of the beach.
"do things change when you go home? like, do you just remember you're a kook and that you're not meant to be seen with me?"
he asked with a sense of seriousness i'd yet to see.
"no, not at all. i think about you all the time,"
i admitted,
swinging our hands.
he smiled and quickly stopped in the sand.
he gathered me up into his arms and laid a kiss to my lips that would bring my heart to a racing rhythm,
force my adrenaline to rush throughout me,
and my love for him to grow.
"i think about you a lot, too."
he said when he pulled back,
eyes scanning my expression which he often did when admiring me.
i smiled shyly at this.
"i think my parents would like you. as long as we leave out, you know, all the fights you got in and laws you've broken,"
i taunted with a giggle.
he laughed and kissed me one more time for good measure.
we were in our own world,
our bubble created by bliss,
until it all came fumbling down at the piercing voice.
"y/n? is that you?"
i turned around and saw rafe with topper,
who were now inching closer to me.
i slowly crawled out of jj's embrace.
i had been so overcome with fear,
that i practically cowered behind jj.
though he was more than happy to stand in front of me to keep me safe.
"well, i'll be damned. first sarah, now you? banging the pogues?"
"rafe, turn around and go home,"
i said with as much courage as i could muster.
i prayed my voice didn't sound nearly as worried as i felt.
jj squeezed my hand then told rafe,
"listen to her, man. go home."
"this isn't your business, pogue,"
rafe spat,
the word acid on his tongue.
"she is my business, douche."
rafe laughed at this then turned his anger back towards me.
"you know that's real crazy because i remember you saying you just wanted to be alone this summer, no? but now all of a sudden you're into these lowlifes? what's up with that?"
"i'm not into you!"
i said,
being sure to enunciate each syllable in hopes he'd get a grip.
i knew i'd hit a nerve.
and with rafe's temper and jj's compulsion to protect,
i knew this wasn't going to end well.
my head was pounding with a rush of adrenaline at the rising tension.
then,
rafe lunged for jj and ensued a brawl that would soon turn bloody.
fear froze my body to the sand.
what was i meant to do?
nothing made sense.
ideas were thrashing into my already aching head.
but as i watched topper grab ahold of jj,
pulling him to be defenseless,
anger found itself burrowing into my chest.
the fear inside of me quickly disappeared to be replaced with a rage i couldn't contain any longer;
red covered my vision and i blacked out.
when i came back to reality,
i was suddenly being dragged away from the scene by who i assumed was jj.
i watched in shock as blood stained the sand.
who's blood is that?
i looked around and grounded myself to my surroundings.
i wondered what i'd done to make my knuckles so bruised.
"you're crazy!"
rafe yelled with his burning eyes of anger glued to me,
hurrying to spit blood at my feet.
as i remembered just what happened,
i was quick to turn around and scan jj for any injuries worth healing.
"oh, my god. are you okay? please tell me you're okay."
i let my hands trail along his face,
then lifted his shirt to find any broken, protruding bones.
jj grabbed my wrists then held them still to stop them from hysterical searching,
staring at me with an adoration i couldn't make sense of.
"i'm fine. i'm fine,"
he said quietly.
we both stood silent for a minute before he let out a breathless laugh.
"y/n, i've never been more attracted to you than i am right now."
"why?"
i asked,
trying to catch my breath.
it felt too shallow to fill my lungs and i was overcome with nausea at the swelling bruise against jj's eye.
"you just beat the hell out of rafe! what do you mean why? that-that was awesome. please tell me that was your first fight."
i was now able to place my bruised hands to a reason.
i suddenly felt a sense of pride and comedy at imagining myself fighting rafe.
i nodded my head.
"yeah, that was,"
i spoke quietly while my adrenaline slowed,
exhausting my body of any strength left and shedding truth to the real pain throughout my body.
"did you black out?"
"i think."
jj took note of my shaking hands then wrapped me up into a big hug,
the both of us wincing at the taut muscles in our bodies but not caring to break apart.
we finally reached the chateau after stopping for well deserved smoothies,
and began to fix each other up as necessary.
"that took some real gut, y/n. thank you. seriously, thank you."
"of course. couldn't let them beat my boyfriend up. just...don't ask me to go it again."
i laughed while applying a bit of antibiotic cream to a cut on his eyebrow.
i grew confused when i realized he was gaping at me,
and mentally searched around to figure out why.
when i realized,
i stopped short and felt the breath become knocked from me.
jj's surprised expression fell,
becoming one of pride.
"boyfriend, huh?"
"i didn't me-"
"well, glad i've got a girlfriend who can fight."
i felt the frigidness melt from me at the joke.
"never happening again."
jj laughed and pulled me in closer by my waist,
inching forward until our lips touched.
we shared a kiss of love that could only fill us with a happiness to never be found elsewhere.
"well, well, well. would you look at that?"
sarah teased as she now leaned against the bathroom door frame with a smug smile on her lips,
"how cute."
jj laughed at this proudly,
not caring about who saw us.
he was more than happy to show me off.
i hid my face behind my hands and exhaled a laugh.
when i hurried to update sarah on the events that happened earlier,
she only shook her head and said,
"you two. bunch of adrenaline junkies."

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