Sam and Colby: The Penitentiary

57

I followed Waco as slowly as possible, dreading the walk into the cafeteria. I didn't know who or what I was going to see. I think Waco sort of noticed my mood, because he spoke up before we got there.

"You'll be fine," he huffed. Waco never really showed that much emotion, but I did appreciate him saying something he knew would be mildly comforting. I kept my eyes on the ground as we walked in, making my way into line with everyone else.

"Welcome back, pumpkin," Mandi said. I looked up and offered her a weak smile before taking my tray and turning around.

When I looked out at all of the tables, I saw something I really didn't expect. Center's table was empty. Completely empty.

The tables that Big had pushed together for all of us to share were still there, exactly where they had been when I left. When Big left. When Theo left.

No one had noticed me come back in from the infirmary since I'd been at the end of the line. Everyone was just sitting, eating their lunch. The guys were all still sitting together, but at some tables in the back of the room.

I smiled a sad smile. They hadn't chosen someone else. They didn't want to sit there without me. I hadn't wanted to sit there without Big and they all knew that. Was that the reason they didn't sit there?

I realized what an impact I'd made on this place in the past two months. I'd brought some people together, helped the Center keep their status, and made some friends. It was weird that I was almost sad that I'd be leaving. But that wasn't going to stop me from going. I had a life to live, and that life wasn't here.

I walked over to the two empty tables, took a deep breath, and sat down. Not in Big's spot, though. I sat down where I'd always sat right next to him, ever since that very first day. Corey noticed me first. He got up and came over to the table and joined me. One by one, the trap guys came over and joined me, followed by the center guys, all silently taking their spots.

No one talked for the entire meal. Yard time was next, and everyone let me and Center walk out first like normal. We all walked over to the bleachers by the basketball court and sat down.

The silence was heavy, but not uncomfortable. I looked across the yard to see Ray, sitting by the fence where we used to talk every day. If I'd hated him before, I really hated him now. He was so fucking selfish, not wanting to escape just because I'd lied to him about something so damn unimportant. I got up and marched over to Ray, standing in front of him with my arms crossed.

"The hell do you want?" he asked.

"You have a day. By tomorrow, you need to fix your attitude and agree to come with us," I said.

"Or else what?" he smirked.

"Or fucking else. There are eight people over there that will do what I ask. If you don't listen, you don't live," I said. Ray shifted uncomfortably in his spot on the ground.

"You're still hurt. Can you really get away that quickly?" he asked.

"If I'm slower than you, then I'll be the one getting caught first. Me being hurt is something you should be thankful for," I said. Ray sighed and looked up at me.

"I'm sorry Jinx did that to you," Ray said.

"Excuse me?" I asked. Ray shrugged. "I'm sorry that Jinx hurt me, but I'm not really sorry that I hurt you."

"I'm not really surprised. Everyone here hates me. I'm so alone in here," he said. I let out a laugh.

"Oh, no. No. You do not get to sit here and tell me how miserable and sad you are. You are playing the victim and being manipulative. I don't know if you think I'll buy into it because I'm a girl, but your actions solicited reactions. I don't care if you see yourself as a piece of shit, because your self image is none of my concern. I'm not here to make you feel better. I'm here to trust you as much as I can for the next 24 hours, and then we'll see where things go from there," I said.

"Fine," Ray huffed. "Tomorrow."

I made my way back over to the Center.

"Everything going okay?" Rock asked.

"Everything is going perfectly," I said, telling the trap guys and Blaze exactly what they needed to know.

I coasted through work time, helping Mandi make hamburgers for dinner later after we cleaned all of the dishes from lunch. Jinx was the one to lead me to the dayroom this time. I was probably viewed as a bigger threat now.

The guys all went into the gym for free time today.

"You comin', girl?" asked Shag. I looked into the dayroom and saw Ray sitting on a couch, picking at his nails.

"Hm... y'all go ahead," I said. I went over to the bookshelf and combed through it until I found exactly what I was looking for. I grabbed the book and then walked over to the couch Ray was sitting on, then plopped down on the side opposite from him. I crossed my legs, opened up the book, and started reading.

"Hey, Ray?" I said after a few minutes.

"What," he grumbled.

"You like to read?" I asked.

"I don't hate it. Why?" he asked.

"I've already read this one a few times. It's really good. You want to read it?" I asked, holding up the book in my hands.

"Sure, I guess," he said. I tossed the book over to him and smiled smugly as he stared down at the cover.

"You know, I really think you could learn a thing or two from that book. It's a masterpiece. It's nonfiction, though. I hope that's okay," I said. Ray looked up at me with a clenched jaw and anger in his eyes. "Is something wrong?"

"Are you fucking—," Ray said, starting to raise his voice and hold the book up.

"Hey! Ray! I know you're not about to throw a book at someone," Porter called from the corner of the room. Ray looked at Porter and scoffed, then slammed the book onto the ground and stormed off into the gym.

"The hell did you give him?" one of the guys in the room asked.

"The autobiography of Martin Luther King Junior," I said with a smile on my face.