Tame me (18+)

Chapter 42: Leaving The Nest

Pain.

Felt that emotion quite often. Felt it at its worst on the day dad left. Felt it seeing the decreasing amount of concern and love Diane had for me. Felt it the day i realised my own mother was okay with a stranger raping her own blood. Felt it on the day i was sent to military school and Diane didn't even come to see me off, knowing she wasn’t going to meet me for years to follow. Felt it when I started to understand that dad was probably never coming back. Felt it when I wanted to talk to someone about my problems but didn’t have any friends. Felt it when I wore a mask of a smile to hide my insides which were screaming for help. Felt it for every single day of my fucked up life. The pain had significantly reduced ever since I had moved to New York and met Luca and the others.

Finally, I felt it again.

It was right there in the core of my heart. The dull ache spoke volumes about how much I was hurting, about how much I hated myself for not being able to tell Luca and how much it hurt me to see him in pain.

How dumb was I to think that things wouldn’t get complicated with him. How could I have not realised the fact that this was Luca. A sweet, gentle and kind guy whose heart had so much love to give. Was I that blinded by my lust for him? Was I so blinded by my need for him that I didn’t think twice about his feelings?

I was a whore.

And for the first time ever, the word rubbed me in the wrong way. I didn’t want to be a whore.

I got up from my bed and made my way to en-suite to wash my face. I saw myself in the mirror and let out a soft gasp at what I saw. I looked like a wreck. My eyes were puffy and red, my face was pink and my hair was a mess. I quickly washed my face and made my way back to the room. Diane will probably be home in sometime.

Do your thing, Eleoner.

I took a deep breath and pasted a smile on my face.

Like a psychopath, I kept the smile intact and made my way out of the room.
As I rushed downstairs, my mind would not shut the hell up.

WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TELL HIM?!
I couldn’t….. I just couldn’t. He obviously wanted to turn this whole agreement into something more and I just couldn’t allow that. I was scared. I didn’t want to hurt him and I didn’t want to lose him. Just in a matter of months I’d grown so attached to his presence, it was insane. I didn’t want to dig deeper.

“THEY’RE HERE!” Julia’s frantic and loud voice informed me. Fuck, I was so not in the mood for this shit.

Ju’s eyes went past me and she frowned.

“Where is Luca?”

I smiled and replied “He’s upstairs.”

“Well, go get him. I’ve laid the table for Lunch.”

Shit. “He’s…uh…not feeling too well. He’ll probably be sleeping.”

“Oh no no. Bring him. Nobody is skipping meals in this house. I'll get him some aspirin.”

FUCK.

I turned on my heel and made my way to his room. Shutting my eyes, I took a deep breath and knocked.

He’s probably sleeping or something. I quickly turned to rush downstairs, not wanting to see his eyes. Yes, those eyes. The ever-expressive pools of golden hues. No way was I prepared to look at the pain I had caused.

Just as I turned to leave, the door opened and Luca stood there. But to my surprise, his eyes showed nothing. Emptiness stared back at me. Somehow, the emptiness was more difficult to look at.