Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 1 Chapter 11: Knock Knock. Who's There? Pain!

Sarge and Grif watching Lopez and Ghost fix the jeep, which is turned on its side to expose its juicy underbelly

Grif: And then I thought, you know, we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock, but uh, well that's when the tank showed up and, shit just started blowin' up. I don't know.

Sarge: (exhales) Grif, do you have any Godly idea how much this piece of equipment costs?

Grif: Ah, I don't know, what like uh, ten, ten twenty, twenty-five bucks, maybe? Uh, yeu, you're gonna kill me now, aren't you.

Ghost: Before Sarge kills you Grif, I just want to tell you the price for this vehicle alone is 343,000 CR

Grif: ... Wait, that jeep cost 343,000 CR... Fuck.

Sarge:    YES! And I will tell you what, Grif, I'm a fair man. I'll give you a ten second head start here before I let Lopez do anything he wants to ya.

Lopez stops working on the jeep and stands up to face Grif

Sarge: What about you Ghost do you want to come in and help!

Ghost: Yeah... I will take any opportunity to hurt Grif...

Grif: Why do you hate me!?

Ghost: Oh I don't hate you... I just want to hurt you... badly... Until your entire body is broken... and you die of blood loss... Actually I just want you dead...

Grif: (Scared) Jesus Crist... G-Guys, I just want you to know. I'm really, really sorry here, and-

Lopez puts down his tool for a big gun

Sarge:    Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi.

Grif: (backing away) Okay uh, I guess I better get going then.

Ghost, Lopez and Sarge look at each other, then turn and start firing at Grif

Grif: Hey guys, that's not funny. Somebody could get hurt here.

Ghost: That's the point!

Cut to Tex on the blue base, with Tucker, firing at something

Tucker: That's basically it sir, they have six guys over there and a big jeep.

Tex: (reloading) And your flag.

Tucker: Right, that too.

Tex throws a grenade at something

Tucker: Uh, hey, Tex? I don't know what it's been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here.

Camera pans, showing Tex has been firing at Caboose

Caboose: I'm scared.

Tex starts playing with various weapons, Caboose runs up to Tex and Tucker

Tucker: So, you've got the Special Forces black armor, I see. Were you in the Special Forces at some point?

Tex: (playing with a gun)

Tucker: Yeah, I used to have black armor too. It was black because I got this stuff all over it from th-

Tex runs off

Tucker: Oh, okay, you gotta go? I'll see you later.

Caboose: (whispering) I don't think he likes you.

Tucker: Thanks.

Tucker and Caboose run up to the edge of the base

Tucker: Where are you going?

Tex: Red base. Kill everybody. Get the flag back.

Caboose: Uh... Okay! We'll just stay here and guard the trans... porter...

Cut to Grif on the red base

Grif: So, Sarge thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly executed, probably because somebody didn't believe in it.

Simmons: Bullshit. He told me he thought you were a retarded monkey, and he's gonna suspend your weapon privileges.

Donut: Hey since I captured the flag, d'you think they'll give me my own color armor now?

Simmons: What do you mean 'captured'? You thought you were buying it at the store, you idiot.

Donut: Still, you think there's a shot?

Simmons: Maybe they'll give you Grif's armor, since he destroyed the Warthog.

Grif: Hyeah, heh-wait... you don't... you don't think they'd do that, do you?

Cut to Sarge watching Lopez and Ghost fix the Warthog

Sarge:    Try connectin' that hose to that metal thingie over there. I think that's what's makin' that rattle.

Lopez stands up and looks at Sarge while Ghost continues to work

Sarge:    Ah think I'll let you two do it.

Lopez returns to work with Ghost while an Invisible Tex runs behind Sarge

Sarge:    What the... What was that?

Ghost: What's up Sarge?

Sarge: I thought something touched me.

Ghost: That was probably just your imagination...

Sarge: yeah, maybe...

Cut to Grif

Grif: Simmons, what's going on? What's over there?

Simmons: (looking over the edge of the base) I thought I saw something for a second.

Camera pans down to reveal invisible Tex, then cuts back to Grif

Grif: Hey rookie, tuck the flag somewhere safe until we can figure out what's goin' on.

Donut: Good idea. I was sick of carrying this thing anyway. (dumps the flag in the middle of the base)

Cut to Tex, then cut to Grif and Simmons looking off the edge of the base

Simmons: Did you hear that?

Grif: Yeah.

Donut: (whispering) Hey! What's going on?

Cut to Tex, who throws a grenade up on to the red base, then cut to Grif and Simmons from behind. Grif turns around

Grif: What the fuck?

Cut to Donut, who has the grenade stuck to his helmet

Donut: What?

Simmons: (turns around) What is that thing?

Donut: What thing?

Grif: There's something on your head...

Donut: What, is it a spider? Get it off!

Simmons: No, it's not a spider, it's, like a... blue thing.

Donut: What, like a blue spider? Get it off!

Grif: It's not a spider, calm down. It's some kinda, fuzzy pulsating thing.

Donut: That doesn't sound much better than a spider.

Simmons: Does it hurt?

Donut: No...

Simmons: Maybe we should try to take it off.

Grif: Good idea. Go for it.

Simmons: Me? By "we" I meant "you." Asshole.

Donut: Well somebody needs to get it off. Look, it might be dangerous.

Grenade explodes, attached to Donut's head

Grif and Simmons: Son of a bitch!

Sounds of people being hit with the butt ends of weapons

Grif: Son... where'd he go?

More sounds of people being hit with the butt ends of weapons

Grif: Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!