Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 1 Chapter 15: How the Other Half Lives

Colours are dulled. Ghost is running up a hill, toward the camera

Ghost: (echoing) Hello? Hello? Of course this is the way I go out... Helping two old friends and getting a sniper bullet through the fucking skull!

Church: Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here.

Ghost: Hey church, I'm guessing this is the after life Huh?

Church: Well, that's... kinda hard to explain. Uhm... You were shot in the head, buddy. So, here you are.

Ghost: Church, I'm not fucking idiot, I know I'm dead?

Church: Yeah, sorry.

Ghost: So what the fuck do we do now?

Church: Honestly you do nothing you just walk around and that's about it

Ghost: Well this is fucking boring... I thought when I died I would be 105 watching my kids and grandkids shooting alien fucks... maybe some humans.

Church: How do you think I feel I got shot by my own teammate in a fucking tank.

Ghost: Yeah that must be fucking painful.

Church: Yeah it was, the explosion hurt and I didn't die on impact I died a few seconds later my body was in pain... every part of it hurt.

Ghost: Yeah... Wait a minute you were a Ghost, how the fuck did you get into the living world?

Church: Honestly I don't know I just fade into existence and out just happens. Anyway back to the tank, yeah that hurt, first I thought Caboose was going to save us and then he killed me.

Sheila: Target locked.

Church: Oh ha ha, very funny Sheila. Shut up. You know I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't say you could talk to me yet. Go there and get, go, get, go for the base. Shoo, shoo!

Sheila hangs turret in shame and drives off.

Ghost: Well that's cold even for you.

Church: She's an AI.

Ghost: And they have feelings too dumb ass... Hey, Sheila, wait up!

Ghost goes and tries to comfort Sheila and cheer her up

Church: You're really going to help an AI instead of talk to me about what's going on.

Ghost: Yep!

Church: Why does this always happen to me?

Cut to Sarge, Grif and Simmons over Ghost's body in the real world, the picture all wavy and stuff

Sarge: Ghost! Don't you give up on me soldier, do you hear me? I'm ordering you!

Back to Ghost in the Spirit World... right now, we see ghost next to Sheila with church about 10 feet away from them.

Ghost:    Who is that? Who's there?

Church: Looks like your guys are trying to save you.

Grif: (Hitting Ghost in the chest with the butt end of his gun) You gotta breathe, man! You gotta pull through! Come on, Ghost!

Sheila: Well at least he has a team that cares about him.

Church: Shut up Sheila!

Ghost: Don't talk to her like that!

Church: Bite me!

Ghost: ... if you were already dead, I would kill you... But that is not the way you were trained to do that, Grif!

Church: He can't hear you.

Simmons: Grif, Sarge this isn't working. We have to try something else.

Church: If he gives you mouth to mouth, I'm leaving.

Simmons: ...Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth.

Church: I'm leaving.

Ghost:    I can't believe how hard they're trying to save me.

Church: Why wouldn't they? I mean, my team didn't, but, why wouldn't yours?

Ghost:    I thought they didn't like me... Actually I take that back I know Sarge liked me, Simmons... I think he does, Grif... yeah I have no clue, donut, he's new but I think he likes me, and Lopez likes me... actually, yeah, They do like me...

Church: You're lucky.

Ghost:    Hold on, if if they bring me back then why didn't your team try to bring you back?

Church: Because my team are bunch of idiots who don't know jack shit about anything!

Ghost:    Oh don't sell them short I think you're rookie is trying his hardest and the other guy... I think he's a whiny bitch.

Church: You mean Tucker? Yeah he's a bitch?

Ghost:    I wonder how they're doing with trying to save my life?

Grif: He's breathing! We saved Ghost!

Ghost:    ... what?

Church: He's what?

Sarge:    Well I'll be a monkey's... we saved him.

Ghost: well, I'll see you two later.

Church: What? No, come back! We need to even the sides!

Ghost:    Oh church... The sides will never be even... You guys will always have less guys and you guys will always be shit?

Church: Yes, But why aren't you on our side!

Ghost: Because fuck you!

Ghost wakes up with Sarge, Grif, and Simmons back in the real world

Ghost:    (clears throat) There. What... what happened here?

Simmons: Ghost, you got shot in the head, so we gave you CPR and saved you.

Ghost:    Thank you, Simmons.

Simmons: Uh, actually, it's Grif you should thank sir. He did all the work.

Ghost:    Grif?

Simmons: Yes.

Ghost:    Grif, why in Hell would you give somebody CPR for a bullet wound in the head!? That doesn't make fucking sense. But you did save my life, so thank you.

Grif: You're welcome, Ghost.

Sarge: But like I was saying before, it's all so damn inconsistent. What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe, rub my neck with aloe vera? Hey there Grif! I think I feel an aneurism comin' on. Could you help me out with one of them therapeutic massages? Use your fingers, not your knuckles. That there, that's good. Lower back. Yeah, I can feel that working already. Don't be afraid to go too low. ... oh yeah, shee-atsu.

Ghost: What the fuck am I listening to?

Valkyrie: Don't worry about it?

Ophelia: It's good to see your back Ghost! even though it was planned, I was worried that you wouldn't wake up.

Simmons: [Curious] What was that?

Ghost: Nothing!