Ravens and Crows

Chapter 15 ~Jesper~

The order of prospectives has been destroyed

"Them or me," Wylan said walking away.

I felt the tears before I realized I was crying.

Wylan was staying here. With, or without me.

All my feelings washed out of me. The objects and sounds around me were distant and unimportant.

Wylan might leave me.

In another world Adam's car pulled up next to me on the curb. "Jesper?" He had to repeated it a couple times to get me back to this reality. I turned to him and his eyes widened as he looked at me through the rolled down window. "Is everything okay?"

I tried to speak, but I couldn't. I could barely shake my head.

He reached across the seat to open the door. "Get in," he said and I did.

We drove to Ronan's house without a word spoken. When we got there I didn't thank him, I just walked up to the room I'd been sleeping in and shut the door.

"What do I do?" I mumbled pacing my room. Can I really leave Da? Can I leave Wylan?

The door opened and I turned to find Kaz walking in.

"What happened?" He asked with a fake hint of carelessness.

I swallowed. "It's Wylan, he's staying here."

Kaz was silent for a moment blinking at me. "He's what!?"

"He's staying here. No more Ketterdam, no more Van Eck, no more Barrel. Nothing I can say will make him change his mind."

"Why?"

"So we don't get glared at anymore, I guess."

"Hold on, we."

"He wants me to stay with him."

"...are you?"

"I-I...I just- I want-" I threw my hands up. "I don't know Kaz. I don't want to leave my da, and I have no clue how Wylan is able to leave his mom-"

"So you're going back?"

I shook my head. "It's not that simple, Kaz. I can't just leave Wylan, not after all that's happened to us, not after all he's done for me." I paused. "I think I love him."

Kaz's lips turned up slightly but he quickly squashed them back down. "What do you think both Wylan and your father want most for you?"

I shrugged. "For me to be with them?"

He sighed. "No, for you to be happy, Jes."

"Is that your indirect way of telling me to follow my heart?"

"I would never tell you to follow your heart. Hearts are weakness. Mine right now is telling me to hit you over the head and drag you back to Ketterdam, possibly both of you. If you want my advice, it would be this: whatever option you pick, make sure it's not the one you pick because you're afraid of what the other one will bring."

"I'm a gambler, Kaz, and a bad one at that, I'm never afraid of taking risks."

"That's true for gambling, and heists, but when it comes to Wylan and your father, you are more caution than you realize." He turned to leave but I stopped him.

"Do you really want me to go back to Ketterdam?" It would just complicate things, but I wanted to know.

"I said it once, if you didn't hear it the first time I won't say it again." His lips turned up slightly again and he walked out.

I smiled for a second and then the problem at hand invaded in my mind and the smile fell.

I sat on the bed and scratched my head.

"Damn it." I was feeling the itch again. The one that ate at me when I didn't use my powers.

I needed to get out of here.

I grabbed my revolvers and went into the back yard. I grabbed some logs and set them in a circle, then picked some trash and cans from the kitchen and set them on the logs. I stood in the middle of the circle, unholstered my revolvers, and went to town, hitting targets in front of me, behind me, to the sides of me. Firing and letting my powers tell the bullet where to go.

Ping

Wylan

Ping

Da

Ping

Here

Ping

There

Then I was out of bullets.

I didn't feel better, the itch was stronger and my body seemed to prickle with energy. I gave a loud yell and through my guns as far as I possible could across the feild.

Thunk

My heart stopped as the sound of something hard hitting something harder filled the air.

I ran to my revolvers and stopped dead in my tracks once they were visible. They had hit a rock and shattered into many tinny little pieces.

"No," I whispered. "No, no, no, no, no." I sunk to my knees. "DAMN IT!"

I had to break everything. No matter how hard I tried I destroyed the toughest of objects. First the heist and Kaz's trust in me, then my father's faith in me, next Wylan and I's relationship, now the only reminder I had of home and my ma. The only things that could keep my at bay like Wylan could.

My hands shook as I took the broken pieces of the revolvers in my hands.

I can fix this.

Yes, these were objects, objects of metal not a human of feelings. I could fix this.

I stared at the pieces of my guns and focused. I knew how the guns looked, how they felt, the click of the hammer, the smell of gun powder afterwards. Things started moving in my hands and the dull throb of a headache started in my mind.

After about five minutes I was sweating with a head ache so bad it effected my vision.

But I had my revovlers back.

"Thank the saints." I sighed then fell to the floor and passed out.