Wedding Replacement

Chapter Nine.

Rosilla's POV :

None of us spoke, it was awkward but nonetheless no one dared to break our silence.  I wanted to know how on planet earth did he find me? What will he do to me now? Is this the calm before the storm? Will he really inform my father? Is he that low? I guess I shouldn't have judged the book by its cover, maybe that is why Helen ran away. Maybe it wasn't her fault, maybe it was his fault. Was he cruel to her? Did he use violence with her? I know this marriage was forced , but she actaully abused into this? To act in love and adoration to someone because of abuse?

With that thought, I new bubble of emotions filled my chest and insides. Anger and fear sent shivers down my spine. Anger for (that is if my thoughts were correct ) my sister , being forced into marriage. Fear for the fact that I could be the next punching toy. Shivers shook me hard, but I tried to cover it up as much as I can. The feeling of the start of a panic attack came back to me. Oh no , please not a panic attack!  I tried to push it back down, considering it is bad enough and the situation couldn't get any worse, but miserably failed.

With another wave of thoughts washing my mind , the shivering and shakes became more obvious.  I pulled my shaking legs near my chest, I tried to hug them tightly to stop shaking but my shivering arms failed me. I broke down into a cold sweat and my vision became blurry and I felt light weighted , I could feel sobs and tears escaping me. I pushed it with all what I had of energy left, and clenched my hands into fists.  I could feel my long-salon-manicurd nails dig into my palms.

I remember the first time I had a panic attack,  I was forteen and it was my first day of high school. There was this girl called Lauren,  everyone loved her and she was friendly, but her friendness ended into biting her in the ass. She came up to me and shook my hand , took my name, and invited me to sit with her at lunch. I agreed , I wanted to have friends , I thought that maybe Clifford was just over protective of me and didn't want me to have friends just incase they wanted to use me, but I guess I was old enough back then. Key word guess. That day we had a project together , due the fact that she sat beside me and got paired , we sat in the library and researched , it was fun and no I don't mean the research I mean the side conversations we had. Time passed by so quickly that I forgot that I had missed my ride , yes I didn't want to brag about who my dad is in school so I had begged my father to let me ride the school bus , I started pancing knowing that Clifford won't let this pass easily.  I started crying , Lauren seemed to understand what was going on , and told me to wait. She went and had a phone call , two  minutes later , she told me to pack my stuff and get ready, she would hitch me a ride with her brother. Her brother was older than us by a year, he was called Kylen. We had a light conversation on our way to my house , I actaully liked the siblings. When we were in my street I told them to promise not to tell about me, whose my father , to the school. After thanking them I headed home. There I got abused for talking to strangers and being late god knows what I was doing. 

Later that week , after constantly ignoring both of them , they suddenly disappeared.  In my locker , was a picture of them both beaten and bruised , and in the bottom was a simple three - worded - sentence "It's never good". That was when my first panic attack occurred . It was my fault that they were beaten up. The attacks happened more and more often whenever someone spoke to me. Only one year ago , Clifford found out and beat me shitless. Since then I tried my hardest to control them.

I hand landed on my shoulder , and I instantly flinched away and curled into a ball. The sobs I have been keeping escaped and tears ran down my cheeks from fear. I whimpered when I felt the hand tighten . I looked through my wet eyelashes , forgetting where I was , and saw a figure it was blurry but I could outline its features. It raised its other hand and it shot towards my face , knowing that action very well , I shrieked and hid my face. Ready to feel the pain but it never came.

After my vision became less blurry , and my breathing slowed down. While my tears dried and my head was throbbing  I tried to process what was happening.  Then everything came to me crashing down. The it was William and it saw me in my most vulnerable state ever. After building enough courage I lifted my head up and once again I peered through my heavy now dry eyelashes and looked at it.

His face was expressionless , but his eyes where like a sea of emotions.  What I caught were anger sadness and guilt. But then his eyes flashed when it met mine , with  I don't know pain?

He surprised me and suddenly pulled me into a hug. I stiffened then relaxed, with the warmth and the lift of the day on my shoulders,  I drifted to sleep with one  weird thought in mind.......

I felt safe in his arms and I know that he will never  cause any harm to me.