high school sweethearts | cranksepticeye

12 - new fan

it had been three days since that horrible day out with my old friends. the day I remembered all of the bullshit I wish I hadn't. ever since all of those memories presented themselves, i'd been really down. I couldn't quite tell what I was upset about. but my sadness was beginning to manifest and was causing me to do some rather strange things; stalking being one of them.

i'm not a creep. I swear. it was just that ever since i'd remembered him, i'd been having so many memories of him and us. we were so happy together. I was happier with him than I had been with anybody else. I was interested to see what he was like, what he was doing now. if he had found anybody else. I was getting angry at the thought, but I knew I shouldn't have been. after all, I found somebody new. so why should it be a crime if he did?

i went back to that livestream, the one he commented on. I scrolled through the endless comments for so long to find it. i'd forgotten his channle name, and i needed to find it. it felt like it took hours, but I was determined. I was so relieved when i found it. crankgameplays...crankgameplays...how could i forget a username that i literally complimented?

i went to the search bar and hastily typed in the name, getting it incorrect the first couple of times. eventually i typed it in correctly, and the channel appeared at the top of the screen. i took a deep breath and closed my eyes. let's see what my ex is up to now...

i clicked on the channel and waited hesitantly for it to load. first i saw the banner, then the profile picture, and then the videos. there were a lot of videos. i clicked on the very top one, a video for a new horror game demo. he did let's plays like me. the video took a few seonds to load and start playing, but once it did, i found that there was no way i click off or look away from the screen.

time skip - 4 hours later

i'd fallen into a really creepy and obsessive rabbit hole. i'd been watching his videos for over four hours now and was now subscribed to his channel. watching them actually brought a smile to my face and was the first time i had laughed in days. even though he wasn't physically there with me, he'd actually made me happy. there were so many things that i had noticed about him and kept thinking about. he'd changed so much but at the same time he was the same ethan i loved when i was a kid. he still had those beautiful brown locks i used to run my hands through, and those gorgeous hazel eyes i needed a map to get out of. he'd definitely gotten taller, but not by much. i giggled, remembering how short he was compared to everybody else in our group. his skin had gotten a lot better and his acne had cleared up, but it's not like it was that bad to begin with. to me he was still stunning, and a little bit of acne didn't put me off. it's completely normal and something that even the cleanest of people go through. i don't understand why people get so disgusted by it.

but the one thing i'd noticed is the fact that he was no longer the shy, cautious boy who was usually very careful with what he did or said. now he was super energetic, bouncing off of the walls and just living life. he wasn't timid, he wasn't afraid. he was super down to earth and honest now. not like he wasn't when we were younger, but now he's more open about how he feels and isn't so ashamed of his own emotions. in that aspect, he had really changed.

i was distracted from my thoughts when i heard a knock at my door. i didn't worry about anybody coming in since i had locked the door.

"babe, why is the door locked?" i froze, not knowing what to say or do.

"um...i'm just looking at something." i mumbled, hoping she would leave and not question it.

"right...so you're watching porn?"

"what-no!" i rolled my eyes and closed all of my tabs before getting up out of my chair and walking over to the door. i unlocked it and opened it slightly, standing in the doorway.

"i wasn't watching porn." i clarified, watching her grin.

"suuuuure. anyway, i'm gonna order us pizza, what do you want?" i sighed and looked at the floor.

"and don't worry, i'm paying." she explained. i looked back up and smiled.

"hawain please." she stuck her tongue out and pretended to gag.

"ew...pineapple." i playfully poked her in the arm, causing her to laugh. i smiled and began to shut the door.

"what drink do you want?" she asked. i opened the door again.

"um...coke."

"vanilla?"

"of course." i smiled and actually shut the door this time, locking it straight away. i heard eveline start to walk away.

"you have fun in there." she said playfully. i chuckled and nodded.

"alright."

"and try to keep it down!"

"shut up." i went back to my computer and sat down on the chair, staring at my computer screen. i sighed, not knowing what to do next with anything. i looked back at the door and thought about eveline. surely this whole thing wouldn't affect our relationship. i was only upset over ethan because everything had just come back to me. but i knew i was over it. i didn't miss him and i certainly didn't love him anymore, nor would i ever again.