"James said you've quit CatCo," you say upon your arrival, disappointment carried on your tone as you hung your coat on a stool before grabbing yourself a glass of water.
you don't miss the way she rolls her eyes and sighs on your way, almost as if your presence was a cause of great disturbance and it stung, "it's a free country, y/n, and James has been making the rounds," she shook her head.
"since when do you quit, Kara? you've spent so much time working up to be a reporter—"
"and it was a waste of time!" Kara exclaimed, catching you off guard as she'd always been passionate about her job as a reporter. "if Cat moved on, why can't I," she said, wanting to be left alone.
"Kara, I'm just," you sighed, taking in a deep breath to try and keep your calm as you weren't used to your sister yelling at you, "I'm worried, okay?" you admitted softly, sitting down opposite of where she sat.
"Alex, J'onn and Winn- we're all worried," you added, feeling heavier when Kara blatantly digs her face into her palms, making it obvious she didn't want to talk, especially to you.
"we've kept our distance and given you time to grieve without prodding or forcing you to talk about Mon-El—"
"oh, so now, you want to talk about Mon-El?" she shot back, chuckling bitterly as she glared at you coldly, only then you consider that being swallowed whole by the Earth wasn't so bad.
you try to open your mouth to talk but you couldn't even begin to form the sentences in your head, unable to successfully fumble for words, you swerve your head away and down on your trembling hands.
Kara could sense it, you knew she could hear how fast your heart was beating, how close you were to being upset, usually, she'd be the one to console you but right now she's the reason of your hurt yet she couldn't care less.
the blonde scoffs at your sudden silence, you probably deserved that.
"admit it or not, Y/n, you wanted him gone," Kara said, standing up from her seat, aggressively slotting the chair back under the table, but despite its loud nature, your own silence seemed to be more deafening.
"well, I hope you're happy now," Kara mockingly beamed at you with her smile and instead of its usual warmth, it fills your heart coldly with dread.
"look, I know you're hurt—"
"No, no, you don't know anything!" she yelled, backing away from you, eyes filled with resentment, "you've never had to make a decision like this!"
"you know, I never liked Mon-El..." you began.
"Not just because he's a douchebag but—" you look at Kara, a pained smile on your face as you confessed, "Kara, I don't want to be selfish but I felt you slipping away," almost in a whisper.
It's true, you didn't want to be selfish, you respected their relationships but a part of you has always wanted to keep your sisters in a bubble wrap and protect them from hurt just as much as they protect you but you know that some things just aren't possible.
we can't have all the nice things.
"as much as I wanted him gone, Kara," you emphasized on her name, and she looks at you, almost pitiful, "this wasn't the way I wanted him to go," you stared blankly into your palms, weighing in your head what you were about to say.
swallowing the invisible lump in your throat you found your voice again, you can't help it as it trembles, "I hope you know that–" you took another shaky breath of air, steeling yourself and finally gathering the strength to look your sister in the eye.
"there's nothing in this world that I wouldn't sacrifice just to see you with a smile on your face because— y-you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders and I feel helpless..." you sighed.
"I feel helpless because I want to take all that pain away but I can't, I can't because I'm just human, I'm just me and I'm not... special," you spoke, feeling as if your throat were painfully closing up, it was getting harder and harder to breathe as you vainly choked back your tears.
your voice shook and your eyes stung, it was a daunting task to hold back, "I don't want to burden you more than you already are, I know he made you happy and I would never, ever, get in the way of that,"
with your words, Kara finds herself guiltily shifting her gaze away from yours, audibly sighing.
"I'm willing to sacrifice my own happiness for yours because that's love, it's sacrifice, Kara, but I can't help but feel like that's not enough," your voice broke, along with Kara's heart and the dam keeping your tears at bay, once a single tear was shed, the next began falling like a waterfall.
looking away, "Nothing I do is ever enough," you cried, striking at your own head with your fists out of the stress in feeling absolutely stupid and worthless as you sobbed, inevitably, it caused your head to throb.
all you wanted to do is take away everyone's pain, to stop your loved ones from suffering but even you couldn't do something as simple as that.
everything you do is a failure and soon, everyone you love is going to leave you, one by one, they'll abandon you, just like your own family did.
and at the end of the day, it's all your fault and your fault alone.
for fuck's sake, your own family didn't even want you, what more your new one.
seeing this sends Kara on your side within a blink of an eye, grabbing your arms before you could do any further damage, "Hey, hey, no!" she wraps her arms tightly around you, preventing you from hurting yourself, she drew figures on your back as you cried.
the image broke her heart seeing as she'd never seen you so upset, the only times she'd seen you upset were in circumstances out of her control like the red kryptonite incident.
this time she had a choice, and she chose to hurt you out of spite, blinded by her grief for Mon-El, she was upset but she shouldn't have poured all her anger at you.
now was the only time you've openly expressed your hurt as you were usually keen on bottling up your emotions for everyone's sake, you were the superfriends' source of happiness when skies are grey but even you could hit rough patches in time, Kara should've known.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I- I'm right here, I'm not going to slip away... I'm so sorry, that wasn't fair on you..."
Kara shuts her eyes close, listening closely to your heartbeat. guilt dawns on her as your usually calm and steady heart seemed almost fearful.
"it's okay," you mumbled against her shoulder.
'no, it's not... it's really not and I'm sorry," Kara apologized again, placing a kiss on top of your head as she rocked you back and forth, you looked so small in her arms, so fragile, and only then does Kara realize how much of your happy go lucky manner was merely a mask for all the hurt you've been hiding.
you both stayed in the same manner until your cries reduced into quiet sniffles.
she leans back, taking your hand in hers as she knelt down to your level, giving it a firm squeeze.
"we're going to be okay," she smiled at you, gone was the cold façade of her grin but still stayed the sadness on them, but things will get better.
"promise?"
"I promise."
