THE LAST LETTER

Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 31 // 𝑊ℎ𝑜'𝑟𝑒 𝑊𝑖𝑙𝑏𝑢𝑟 & 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑒?

《Cause it feels like I've been wasting my time,
In all the wrong places, on all the wrong faces;
Nobody compares to you.

Nobody compares to you- Gryffin》

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After reading the last letter written by Grace, I can see my life falling apart. There is this strange feeling inside my heart that I couldn't precisely decipher, maybe it's death because I feel it...like I'm dying. I think my heart is bleeding and I'm dying inside. The pain is increasing with every passing moment and I don't know what to do.

That's the thing about pain. It knocks on your door unexpectedly and walks right through it, without any invitation.

I weakly walk into my room, glancing around as I close the door behind me. I could see myself helping Grace wear that necklace I bought for her, then on the bed cuddling together. I could see every moment I spent with her in this room and they were a lot. Grace and I had spent so much time together that now every place I went in Austin, I could see us there. Eating ice cream on street, sipping a cold drink from one glass, her hands in my pocket whenever she was cold, running along the beach and so many others but all these memories could never be enough for me to spend my life alone.

I had to leave this town as soon as possible before this place suffocates me to death. I can't leave my mother and sister behind like this. I need to get a grip on myself before I go insane. With that thought, I lay down on my bed but it doesn't help at all.

As I lay there without any sleep, all our memories come and hit me like a huge wave and I decide to relish them for the last night. A single drop of grief wells up from the corner of my eyes and hot torrents of pain start running down my cheeks. I feel the muscles of my chin trembling and I hear my raw voice coming from inside. It's like the walls that have been holding me up are collapsing brick by brick. My whole body is shaking and I can't- I can't stop myself. Why can't I stop crying? I need to stop crying. I need to stop crying. I harshly wipe away the tears from my eyes and get up from the bed making my way into the bathroom. I stand in silence, taking in the grey walls of my bathroom, trying to think about anything but her.

I'm beyond devastated, and this time nothing could change it. Earlier when she left, I was just heartbroken, but now I feel dead inside. It is like I never really knew who she was. She hid the most crucial part of her life that she was going to leave us all behind one day.

I don't even know who in the freaking world 'Wilbur' and 'Charlotte,' the ones she mentioned in the letter are!!! That's how little I know about her life when she knew every fucking thing about me.

I place my hands on the edge of the sink, trying my best to control my emotions because if I don't then they would get the best of me. My entire body shakes as I slowly look into the mirror and the sight I see is the vulnerable version of me, my eyes are swollen with tears ready to fall anytime. I try to look at anything but my face when my eyes land on her toothbrush and I just break down again. The sobs punch through, ripping through my muscles, bones, and guts. I press my back against the wall as my heart starts yanking in and out of my chest. The pain I'm feeling inside myself is unbearable and I feel like I'm going to die at any moment.

When I open my eyes I see the picture of grief, loss, and devastation in the mirror before me as I smash my hand on it. Blood oozing out of my torn skin but strangely, I don't feel the pain. Maybe because the pain of my bleeding heart is more than the cut on my fist.