Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

22 December, 1977 - The Tower

The night was a lovely one, crisp and clear. The trees and grounds were still graced with snow from the previous night's storm and the whole world seemed to glitter slightly under the light of an almost full moon. Lavinia's only complaint was that the stars weren't very bright, drowned out as they were by the moon. Otherwise, she thought, it was as good a night as any to die.

She was sitting on the parapet, her legs dangling over the drop down to the grounds, her heartbeat loud in her ears every time she looked down. So she didn't, instead keeping her eyes on the stars, leaning back on her hands to keep from falling backwards onto the tower's floor. She would have loved to pretend she was simply enjoying the stars, but the truth was she'd been like this for far longer than she'd intended. Now faced with the act, with the drop before her... it was harder than she'd thought. Much harder.

She'd thought it would be simple. After all, all she had to do was jump. There was no one to stop her and no one to care. She was doing them all a favor. And she had nothing left inside. No reason to live. And yet it was like a rope held her back, her head caught in a war with itself, tugging her this way and that and unable to make a decision.

Which was why she was still sitting there, fighting with herself as she stared into the sky, when Sirius Black burst through the door on the far side of the tower, barefoot and panting. He almost collapsed in relief to see she was still there, though the feeling was short lived. She had her back to him, sitting on the edge of the tower, her hair shining in the moonlight. She didn't turn around at the sound of the door banging open. In fact, she didn't move at all.

Sirius took several deep breaths, to even his breathing and calm the wild panic that had all but consumed him as soon as Remus had told him where she was. He wanted to grab her and drag her off the ledge, wanted to scream some sense into her and beg her not to do this. But he knew that would only end with her up here some other night, when he might not be there to try to talk her down.

He moved across the tower towards her slowly, keeping his eyes glued on her, half afraid that if he moved too fast, she might startle and jump. His heart was in his throat and his breathing was shallow, fear pulsing in him even as his head ran wild.

How had he not realized? How had none of them realized? It had never occurred to him, or any of his friends, as far as he knew, that she might be walking on the edge of... this. He couldn't bring himself to even think the word. Because it wasn't going to happen. He wasn't going to let it happen. And the thought alone was unbearable.

So he walked to her, avoiding the bag she'd abandoned on the floor at the base of the parapet, and climbed up to sit next to her. He was almost surprised when she made no comment about it, as he'd expected her to tell him to stop or to go away well before he even made it to this wall at the edge of the tower.

Once next to her, he wasn't entirely sure what to do. He hadn't thought much past getting to her. His brain had been - and was - so consumed with fear that all he'd wanted was to see her, to touch her and make sure she was real. To feel heat under her skin and convince himself her heart was still beating.

Sitting next to her now did little to console him, however. In the cold of the night and lit only by the moon, she didn't look terribly alive. Her face was pale and still as she gazed out over the world, her eyes fixed on something he couldn't see. Her blonde hair looked almost white in the moonlight and aside from her clothes, she looked like she could have been a ghost. Really, the only convincing sign she was really there was the gentle rise and fall of her chest, proof she was still breathing.

After a long silence, her gaze dropped from the sky to the grounds far below them and she sighed and sat up properly before breaking the silence. "You should take this," she said quietly, pulling a folded note from her pocket and holding it out to him, without looking his way. "Make..." she trailed off and closed her eyes for a moment before swallowing and taking a deep breath. "Make sure Regulus knows."