The Case of You and Me

Chapter Twelve - Let it go

A/n yes the timeline is different than the show it's just to add drama to the plot and he's this is mainly the OG team bc it's my story and I can have whoever I want hehe 

Spencer's POV

I'd think Aria had already fallen asleep if it wasn't for her breathing pattern. I angle myself so that  my arm drapes over her waist and my head is resting on her. She moves her hand so that she's gently rubbing my back. 

On instinct, I tense...This whole night has been so wrong. It was wrong for me to fall asleep next to her last night. Aria deserves better than being stuck with me, she's not even twenty-one yet. She should be having fun, dating guys that will become lawyers in the future, going through a handful of petty assholes. She's still in college, only 28 percent of people meet who they're going to marry while in college, meaning that she's still in that part of her life where she can explore the casual and peaceful. Staying at home while the rest of her friends are at parties or going out to movies and praying for her FBI boyfriend to come home to her and not die doesn't fit that. I could kill her, getting her into a situation similar to Maeve's. If we ever got married...there's a good chance she'd still be young, I'd wait until she was ready, but after a few years she'd feel comfortable, but that would make her about twenty-five. I could leave her a widow. I can't imagine that, Aria visiting my grave when an unsub finally won or after I took too much Dialudid. 

Besides, there's no way she actually likes me; she's emotional because of everything that's happened. Any attraction to me is hormonal, her brain is constantly releasing adrenaline and dopamine, forcing her to easily bond with whoever happens to be near her, which is me. And Maeve...I couldn't do that to her, it hasn't even been that long, it'd be sick of me to move on so quickly.

This is...a temporary indulgence and I'd let her go soon, when the timing was better and it'd crush her less. She'll be relieved. 

Aria moves her hand away. "You can put your hand back," I mumble, "Please."

"I'd offer you a penny for your thoughts, but I know your thoughts are more expensive than pennies. I doubt I could afford to buy Dr. Reid's thoughts." I tilt my head up, smiling at her. "But seriously, what are you thinking?"

"You never said it." 

She scrunches her nose. "What didn't I—" Aria cuts herself off, "Oh, do I have to say it?" I look away, not wanting to express the significance of wanting to hear it. Aria picks up on my change in energy. "Fine, but for the record, I would never admit this to you if you were less cute." She takes a breath. "Don't get weird after I tell you this, but I was going to tell you that if we did or didn't do...what we ended up doing...it wouldn't just be some stupid way for me to fix me, and that I..." Her eyes squeeze together for a moment. "I hate telling people that I care about them, you lose all control of the relationship, because then they can use the fact that you care about them against you."

The statement—I hold in the urge to profile her. "Maybe you've been caring about the wrong people."

"Yeah," she hums, "But I think this time it'll be different."  I can't bring myself to look at her. "Friends, Spencer, remember?"