masochism

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Yura promises to meet them at the hospital and calls an ambulance to the apartment complex. Taehyung rides with Jungkook to the hospital. He knows Namjoon is probably going to kill him, due to him going into the apartment alone and then proceeding to go in the ambulance with the paramedics under the impression that he's a cop, but he couldn't bring himself to leave Jungkook. His face that is beaten and bruised shows just how shaken he is by everything, his big doe eyes full of an odd mixture of guilt, relief and hurt. Taehyung couldn't just leave him like this.

But he also couldn't leave due to the iron grip Jungkook has on his hand, tight and firm and unyielding. As if Taehyung was the only thing anchoring him to stability, to safety. Sitting on the bed, trembling and bloody and sobbing, Jungkook had looked so small, so fragile. But when Taehyung looks at him better, he realizes Jungkook is actually the opposite of that. His body is built and muscular, toned and fit. He's strong, strong enough to have put up enough of a fight to keep the woman—Hana—at bay if he wanted to. But he didn't.

That's what eats at Taehyung as he sits in the ambulance, rubbing soothing patterns onto the back of Jungkook's hand. The fact that Jungkook is so physically capable of defending himself, but that he chose not to. A gentle giant. How could he just stand there and take each brutal blow, each time a piece of shattered glass sliced into his skin, each wicked word directed at him? Taehyung doesn't understand, but he wants to. He wants to know Jungkook's logic, his reasoning for letting her hurt him when he could have easily physically overpowered her.

Luckily, Jungkook speaks before Taehyung has the chance to let his curiosity get the best of him. Something has clearly been on his mind since they've gotten into the ambulance.

"Do you know what masochism is?" He blurts out, glancing up at Taehyung. Eyes wide, Taehyung nods wordlessly. Masochism: deriving pleasure from pain. He clutches Jungkook's hand tighter. "I kept trying to tell myself that it was like that. Or that it didn't hurt that bad, or that she didn't mean it." He says, before letting a humorless chuckle that makes the hairs on the back of Taehyung's neck stand on end escape his lips. Jungkook has been completely brainwashed by this woman, and this is him coming to terms with it. "I don't know when telling myself that she didn't mean it turned into telling myself that I deserved it." He murmurs, voice barely audible, wavering and hoarse from sobbing. Jungkook has been completely brainwashed by this woman, and this is him being forced to come to terms with it.

"Oh, Jungkook." Taehyung breathes out, not knowing what to say. He wishes he did, wishes he knew how to help the hurting boy.

"Did I?" He asks. "Deserve it, I mean?" Taehyung can see the genuine uncertainty in the turmoil in his eyes. So that's where the guilt he sees in Jungkook is stemming from. He thinks he deserves what happened to him, and he feels guilty for being relieved that it's over, that Hana is far away from him and suffering the consequences of her actions.

"No. God, no. Not at all." Taehyung says firmly, reassuringly. Fresh tears spring to Jungkook's eyes at this.

"Really?" He asks, full of disbelief and incredulity. "You promise?"

"I promise." Taehyung says, without hesitation. "No one deserves to be hurt by the one they love, no matter what. You did not deserve an ounce of the pain she put you through. She's supposed to love you, not hurt you." Jungkook whimpers quietly, letting his tears fall again.

"Why do I still love her, then?" He asks, exasperated. "Why don't I hate her? I want to hate her so much, Taehyung." He cries. "She has hurt me a lot, but never made me bleed before tonight. She has made me bleed, and I can't even get myself to hate her."

"That's how humans work, unfortunately. Your head knows that she's toxic, but your heart doesn't see the bad in people. Your heart sees the good, the good in her, the good times you spent with her. Your heart usually wins over your head." Taehyung says thoughtfully, genuinely.

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