Brainwashed Boarding (P)

94 8 2
                                    

Title: Brainwashed Boarding

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

Title: Brainwashed Boarding

Author: Slothzilla07

Genre: General Fiction

Chapters Read: 1-2

Title & Cover

Your title is simple and effective, which is all that is really necessary. It suggests the school setting, and hints that there will be a bit of brainwashing going on, which is unique and intriguing. So that's good!

The cover feels a little plain. It reminds me of an older, classic-type book - what with the white background and picture in the centre. The font is nice, and it is an attractive cover, but I'm not sure it really fits the more modern style of your book. Though it does give off the boarding school vibe - but then again, your school is a little unique and I feel that should be reflected in the cover.

Summary

You introduce the book well - our character, setting, and the hooking factor of the unusual events we're going to encounter. Plus the final sentence adds an extra intrigue. Brainwashing never fails to be interesting.

However, to me, it feels unnecessarily long. There are parts you could cut to make it flow better, and feel less informal. For example, sentences like 'Key words "rule breaking"' and 'Where's "here" exactly?' aren't at all needed and make the summary seem overly chatty. I'd also make a new paragraph before you go on to introduce the school, so that the description of Freddi has its own paragraph. That description of the school itself could also easily be shortened - I think that you could probably cut out everything in between '... for Problem Children,' and 'the most elite...', and just blend them into one sentence. Then maybe that final comma could be a full stop, to put an emphasis on that last statement?

The second paragraph I like more, and I think that's the section that really adds interest. My only issue is the repetition of the word 'stuff' - I'd replace it with at least 'things' or even something like 'incidents', if you reworded it slightly. I just feel that 'stuff' is perhaps a little immature to be using for a book summary. You could also separate out the last sentence for effect, though that isn't necessary.

But the summary does set it up to be a unique and fun book! Let's get into it.

Hook

I'm just going to be honest here - I didn't find much of your first chapter particularly hooking. It was only in the very last part of the chapter did it actually start to get interesting for me.

You start the chapter with your character basically ranting at the reader, which I suppose is great characterisation but something I find a little off-putting. Then when she starts telling us about the school, there is a sentence lifted directly from the summary. There lies another turn-off.

Dreamland Review ArchiveWhere stories live. Discover now