lviii

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"hey, are you okay?" you asked, wrapping your arms around me and holding me to your chest.

i couldn't speak.

i couldn't think.

i couldn't breathe.

"holy shit, breathe!"

and i remember my hands coming up to try and push the air out,

my body

                             s   h   a  k             

                                                           i  n  g,

me mumbling out apologies as i crouched down, my head between my knees.

"oh my god, mom! mom, please she's hyperventilating!"

                    seeing blurs of white and blurs of black before i could only see the

inside of my eyelids.

i imagined

the look of pure fear on your face as i heard you slide

to

    the

       floor.

i felt

the tears the hit my knees, you pulling my hands away as you tried to help regulate my breathing.

but maybe it was exhaustion, "i don't. god, i-i don't know what to do just please..."

i felt your hands constantly leaving before returning within an instant,

your sniffles and your weak encouragement.

maybe i was right,

                               maybe.

                                        














                                                  but maybe i was just done.

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