Shut Up, Padfoot!

33

"Cry, go get the door," Lily groaned.

I grunted and pulled my covers over my head. The knocking on our dormitory door was insistent and growing even more annoying. Who would need us in the middle of the night? Why can't they let us sleep?

"Cry!" Lily called.

I jumped at the loud noise from her. Her voice was husky and I knew she was only half asleep. She shifted around in her bed to have her back to the door.

"What?!" I shouted.

"Stop yelling!" Molly whined, tossing in her own bed.

I pulled my sheets off my head in a fuss, slamming my fists into the mattress. Molly squeezed a pillow over her head and suffocated herself into her duvet, belly down.

"Get the door!" Lily said sterner this time.

"No! Tell Mary to get it!" I argued.

Lily lifted her head in the slightest to peer at the other girl's bed next to mine. I turned to see Mary in deep sleep, snoring quietly. Her body strewn in a ridiculous position, me knowing all too well she'll be sore in the morning without knowing why.

Lily narrowed her eyes to see her in the dark, having no idea if she's awake.

"She dead?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied.

She dropped her head back onto her pillow and cried out in irritation. The knocks continued persistently and my patience ran thin now.

I've been locking our door because my paranoia of Avery or Tom Riddle coming to our dormitory grew almost unbearable. I became very wary and way too precarious now that the danger is in Hogwarts. Funny though, most of the danger just happens from inside me.

"Get the door," Lily calmly demanded, her scary maternal voice came on and that means I had to do it.

I huffed and tore my sheets off of me. Slipping out of bed, I dropped to the ground tiredly. One of my socks was missing from my feet and my annoyance grew.

Scratching my head, I dragged myself to the door. My fingers turning the lock gently.

Before I had the chance to turn the knob, the door swung open.

Sirius' flushed face met my vision.

"Padfoot? What's wrong?" I questioned.

"Oh.. I just- You're okay," he awkwardly said.

His arm reached out and his fingertips ran down my elbow to my wrist. Almost like he was checking if I was real.

The shadows in the hallway creeped me out a bit and I could barely see his face in the dark. I could make out the lining of his broad shoulders and his chest heaving.

"What's wrong?" I repeated.

He stepped forward as if to embrace me but he stopped in his tracks. Looking behind me, I noticed Lily getting back to sleep and the dormitory following with the earlier silence.

I closed the door behind me, stepping into the hall with him. I wish they had candles out in the corridor, it's really making me uneasy.

"Padfoot? What's wrong? Did something happen?" I urged.

He sniffed and his arm came up to his face. He ran his hand quickly across his cheek and swiped under his nose. I furrowed my brows and squinted my eyes to try to make out his face.

"Come here," I whispered.

I pulled on his wrist and tugged him closer to me.

Instantly, he enveloped my frame and held me.

His body trembled but I don't think he's crying. I ran my hand up his spine softly and let him relax. His face snuggled into the crook of my neck and he just breathed.

My other hand grazed the back of his head and I flinched, remembering where Avery dug his nails into my scalp and pushed me deeper into the water.

Playing the flinch off, I squeezed him tighter. Slowly, I placed my hand lower and let my fingertips delve into his strands and ran my thumb back and forth along the back of his neck.

"You're going to think I'm silly," he breathed out.

"Mhm.. you really think I'd see you like that? Go on, tell me," I prodded.

He breathed shakily and my back lightly touched the door. Sirius held me like I'd break and his hands barely held onto my figure.

"I had a nightmare," he told.

"What's silly about that? What happened in your nightmare?" I gently asked.

His nose ran along my collarbone and his lashes fluttered on my skin. A shiver went down my back at the intimate gesture and butterflies erupted in my tummy.

"You died," he shortly answered.

My breath caught in my throat for a moment but I regained my composure for the sake of him.

My eyes flickered to the open doors of the other girls' dormitories. I couldn't see anything but a black abyss on the other side. You'd think after sixteen years, I'd be less afraid of the dark. You'd think after what I've seen, I wouldn't even bother fearing it.

It's still scary. You never know what is in there. Never know if there is peace or danger behind it. Never know unless you cross the line and dive into it. From there, your senses need to heighten. Your vision is useless. You need to pay attention or you're in the red.

Blank expanse.

Is my biggest fear.

To relive the white train station or to tiptoe in the secrecy of the dark.

There is always a biting suspense in the fact that there can always be something to ruin the emptiness..

The ability to destroy the blank and smear it with the absolute terror one can possess frightens me.

"How'd I die?" I whispered in the thriving 3 a.m.

"On dark cement, writhing alone in an oblivious crowd," he explained, his voice cracking at the end.

He choked and bit his lip to keep his tears from falling. My hand pat at his side soothingly and I felt droplets on my neck.

He sobbed in my arms.

My heart ached and I wish I could tell him I won't die. Wish I could tell him that we'll live together for eternity. Tell him that we'll be together with our family.

Alas.. wishing is a damn torturing thing.

"You'll be okay. It was just a nightmare and it'll never come true," I said.

It might.

Hopefully, he finds someone who falls in love with him in the way I did. And they treat him with care. Wear gloves to handle shards of glass...

He'll be broken when these four years are up.

-lana