alters » nct dream

06

jaemin's pov

the library is quiet, as usual. i made my way to the end of the library, aiming for my favourite spot. but to my surprise, my favourite seat was taken.

the desk had textbooks and folders distributed messily on it but no trace of the owner.

having no choice, i sat on the seat just next to my favourite spot. with my earphones plugged into my phone, i went on spotify and started playing my lofi playlist before starting to study.

few minutes later, a hand put down a cup of what seemed like coffee on my desk.

i turned to see the person and it was renjun. he had a warm smile on his face, like he always do.

"it's your favorite drink. coffee with 2 shots of espresso." he said, "i know you drink 4 shots of espresso but i'm starting to get worried for your health."

"thanks, renjun." i simply said.

he leaned on the desk with his arms crossed, "things aren't the same without you,"

i've heard it a lot. and the pain hurts just the same each time.

"i came from the rooftop. we still continue to hang there. it feels so empty though. without her, without you and even chenle."

"i know," i replied.

even the thought of that things will never be the same anymore hurts to me.

"our night is in a few days. will you be there?" he asked and i felt a slight guilt in me from listening to the sorrow in his voice.

"i'll visit for a while," i replied, trying to curve a weak smile for renjun.

"renjun?" called a soft voice from behind us to which i turned around to see a girl.

"oh hey eunha. when did you arrive?" asked renjun as he stood back up, giving way for the girl, eunha.

"i came here this morning. i just came back from the rooftop, mark told me you went down early," she said.

she came from the rooftop too. it seemed like a lot of things changed since the last time.

"who brought you to the rooftop?" renjun asked.

"donghyuck," she replied with a smile.

feeling awkward, i tidied my stuffs and packed them in my bag.

"i'll get going," i said to renjun before walking pass the two of them.

"jaemin," called renjun, "i'll see you on monday night,"

i smiled before walking out the library.

i didn't have anywhere else to go. the library is my favourite place and i stay there, studying until it's finally my shift to work at the cafe. but it was too awkward to stay when renjun is there with a girl i've never met before.

i felt pain in my chest when she said she came from the rooftop. it has only been a few months and i don't think anyone has moved on yet, but they brought a new person to our place.

how did they forget her so easily?

my feet led me to a place i haven't been to in a while. the basketball court.

from a distance i can see a familiar figure on the court, throwing and scoring with each throw.

"oh hyung," chenle said when he saw me approaching.

"hey chenle," i greeted as i caught the ball chenle threw at me.

"it's been a while, right?" he asked as i shoot a shot and scored.

"it feels like it's been years," i said.

"what are we going to do?" he asked, giving a laugh that felt so empty of feelings.

"i'm coming on our night." i said and chenle looked at me with a look of surprise.

"really? so we'll be complete then!"

"we can never be complete anymore, chenle. you know that," i said in a slightly bitter tone.

"i know, hyung. i'm sorry."

"it's fine," i lied.

"how are you doing, hyung?" he asked as he took a seat at the edge of the court.

"healing slowly, i guess."

"is the therapy helping?" asked chenle.

truthfully, i don't know.

"i guess,"

"it'll get better, hyung." he said, standing up and walking towards me to give a hug.

it's warm. the feeling of knowing that someone is there for you. the feeling of knowing that you're not alone.

his hug was tight, as if to put back all my broken pieces together. when he let go, he gave the warmest smile he could give and i felt better, a little at least.

"hyung," he called and i hummed in response, "are you joining the basketball team?"

"i don't know," i said. deep down i do want to.

"mark hyung really wants you in the team," he said.

"i don't think i can do it yet," i said with a tear slowly escaping my eye.

i quickly wiped the tear and walked away, picking up my bag while on the way.

"i hope i'll see you on monday night, chenle. you should come." i said before leaving.

i stopped in my tracks when chenle spoke up, "she'll love it hyung. i'm sure she wants to see you playing again. i'm sure she'll be happy seeing you playing your favorite sport again."

"but she's not here anymore, chenle. what's the point?"

without turning to look at chenle, i walked away and head straight home.

•
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"i'm home," i said lightly as i entered our place.

i dropped my bag on the stairs before making my way to the living room. mom sat on the couch with her red eyes and then i knew that nothing has changed. i made my way to the kitchen, took a towel and filled the small bowl with warm water. walking back to the living room with the bowl and soaked towel.

kneeling in front of her, i took the frame in her hand and placed it on the table behind me.

"i can't live like this forever, mom." i said as i gently wiped her face with the towel.

mom was shivering in her seat. her skin was as cold as ice. i wrapped her with the blanket, her favourite blanket.

"i'll cook something, okay?" i said to mom, though i know she'll never respond.

i made my way to the kitchen to make some porridge and after a while, i heard her wailing again.

healing takes time, they say.

"here," i said as i tried to feed her but she just remained still in her place.

this sight breaks my heart everyday. everytime i thought i've healed, i came home to see mom broken. and it only broke me more.

"i won't give up on you, mom. so don't give up on yourself, too."