c h a p t e r. 31

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"You think you’ve seen every ugly corner of this whole rotten world, but listen: there are an infinite number of things we don’t know and, statistically speaking, at least half of them are probably very, very beautiful."
—Ashe Vernon

Prepare yourselves, please.

chapter 31

Bar paused, staring at his red, leaking wrist, thinking about before he met the little goddess again— before he got better, before he wanted to get better.

But now he's back to square one.

Bar remembered a night about nine months ago when he refused to cry, when he refused to find the simple relief in the release of tears— when he was staring down at the blood on his hands much like he was now.

Blood he got from cutting his own wrists.

It was a night before relapse or salvation and he chose the option that didn't create scars.

But here he was, with open wounds and a pounding head and not sure what happened— not sure when he cut himself or how.

His vision was blurry and he was in a daze and—

And he felt all alone.

Because he was alone.

Why'd he think he could get better?

Why?

Because he had been happy, briefly, he had actually been happy with his little goddess but then-- fuck, then his father had to ruin everything.

Then his father had to break down all the progress he made, then his father had to make Bar feel worthless all over again.

In a sense, Bar felt cheated.

He felt like someone should have warned him that any time he made a couple steps forward, there would be someone just waiting to shove him a couple steps back.

Progress.

What a bitter word.

He remembered everything that happened the night before, everything with his father that made him feel like a complete failure.

He woke up by a call from his little sister, her being frightened and crying and needing help.

His father had shown up at Maddie's house, drunk off his ass and screaming.

Neither Gwen or her mother could call the police; Talmai was the police.

His cop buddies couldn't give a damn about whom that deadbeat jackass harassed, even if it was his own family.

So, infuriated, Bar got out of his bed at three in the morning and drove to his little sister. Parking the car and turning it off made him feel the blood pumping behind his ears and the deafening silence.

Walking up to the house felt like a walk into war and each breath was a battle cry.

Bar knew how it would end. He knew who would win.

He knew it wouldn't be him.

He just didn't know the blinding rage that would consume his entire body when his father tried to hit Gwen.

One minute, he was watching the scene unfold, he was watching his father raise his hand to slap his little sister and then--

Then he was on top of Talmai, beating punch after punch into the older man's face, Maddie and Gwen crying at him to stop.

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