Apex

13 | beta

MAY 23

ALLIX

I didn't believe that everything happened for a reason.

While things had certainly happened to me, I wanted to believe that I wasn't just a domino in a chain of events. There was always a choice. I could decide for something to happen, rather than just let it happen.

So while none of this Gretchen England business concerned me, I refused to stand by as society's institutionalized sexism tarnished another successful woman's reputation. I was helping Brenna to serve the greater good.

I stood at the wheel of Galway's Treasure, steering the sailboat into the marina at Roche Harbor Resort. I wasn't at all surprised when Brenna said that Gretchen stayed here, as it was a historic seaside resort and the most popular one on San Juan Island.

"There's no need to think about the worst-case scenario," Brenna said, putting on a pair of Gucci sunglasses. Our first stroke of luck arrived in the form of sunshine and clear skies. A rapid change in the weather was common in the Pacific Northwest.

I tightened my hold on the wheel. "I bet that's what everyone says before it becomes a reality."

"Haven't you heard of the law of attraction?" She arched a perfectly tweezed eyebrow. "We need to manifest a positive outcome."

Despite my annoyance with Brenna's complete lack of plan, I attempted to harness some optimism. Unlike some people who seemed to have it pumping through their bloodstream, I imagined mine was like bone marrow - much more difficult to extract.

"Fine," I said, bitter about my sudden surge of beta energy. "In the law of attraction we trust."

Brenna tipped her chin up and offered me an award-winning smile.

After entering Galway's Treasure's assigned slip, I methodically completed the proper steps of docking. It was a process that I'd committed to memory. My dad had taught me to sail as a kid, and I got my license on my twelfth birthday. Being out on the water cleared my head the way running did, only it wasn't as physically exhausting.

"You're lucky to live somewhere so beautiful," Brenna said as we walked up the dock and out of the marina. Roche Harbor was one of the busiest U.S. Customs ports of entry for boats, so both Canadian and American flags flew from the posts stationed along the walkway. "I love Los Angeles, don't get me wrong, but this is like a natural paradise."

I exhaled a soft laugh. "By the end of the summer, you'll be more than ready to go back to the city. Trust me."

The prospect of returning to New York City in the fall was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying. I wanted to believe I was ready, that I wouldn't doubt myself.

But wanting wasn't enough sometimes.

"I can see why Dakota missed it, though," Brenna replied thoughtfully. "There's an authentic sense of wildness and peace here. It's part of the landscape and the people."

I ran my tongue over the front of my teeth, unsure of what to say. I loved Friday Island, but I missed the freedom I felt back in New York City. I missed the comfort of knowing that no one knew about my illness. Sure, I ended up screwing myself over and had to take a semester off from college, but now I was back on the right track. I had to be.

"He talked a lot about you guys," Brenna continued. "Nothing too personal, of course. It's not like he got wasted in some Beverly Hills hotel room and spilled the history of your lives to me."

I concentrated on keeping a straight face. "That's pretty specific."

"I wouldn't worry about it."

"I'm not."