To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 10

"I'm going to be a father."

I dodged out of the way the moment Brad's drink broke out of his mouth in a spray that stained the wooden bar and the tender who quickly came down with a rag like he had expected nothing less.

"What the fuck!" My blonde-haired friend exclaimed, wiping away the moisture with the back of his hand as he doubled over to release a burst of deep boisterous laughter that made curious heads turn our way, and maybe if I wasn't in such a horrid state of dilemma, I would have found it comical enough to laugh too, but I was.

Apparently, rock bottom had a basement and I was currently living in it.

I picked up my translucent glass, frustration nibbling on the edges of my nerves as I gulped down a mouthful.

Frankly, there was a part of me that wasn't happy about it. Knocking Hope up was the last thing I wanted to do and it wasn't helping my case that I craved having her again.

I leaned back into my leather chair and fiddled with my watch. All day long I hadn't been able to concentrate on work, except for the fact that I was going to be a father and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to change it. She most definitely didn't want to abort and I wasn't going to force her to. I had a reputation of being an asshole but I wasn't a baby-killing prick.

"Wait." Brad's laughter seized when he noticed my humorless demeanor. "You're actually being serious right now."

I took another mouthful of my tequila and heaved out a sigh. Brad Rogers was the only person I could trust with this. Not only had he been my chattered adviser for over six years, but he'd also been my best man and confidant. He was a lovable prick, and quite frankly the only person who found my arrogance humorous. So telling my only friend I was about to become a father seemed like news that was best told in person. Over tequila. "Never been more serious."

"Bro." He stared at me like I had just grown a horn. "How the fuck is this even possible?" He shook his head, trying to process the atomic bomb that was dropped on him. "I mean, just a few days ago you were fucking Rosey. How the hell did she get pregnant after that?"

I squinted my eyes to force back the images that fought their way to the surface. "It's not her." My third chug emptied my glass. "It's a girl I met at Jada's."

"Jada's?" He looked up at me in judgmental silence. "What the hell were you doing in a male strip club."

"Business." I groaned. "Bottom line is, we fucked and now I'm screwed."

"Fuck. I thought you were always safe."

"We used condoms." I droned.

"So it broke?"

"I don't know." I was too caught up pounding into that tight pussy to check if it broke or not.

"Did you check for holes?"

I pinned him a glower. "Was I supposed to pick up a condom full of jizz and start inspecting it with a microscope?"

"Fuck, you're probably right." His shoulders heaved as he took a deep breath in and then sighed it out. "Is she keeping it?"

"Yes."

"This is..." He sighed, unfastening a single button on the front of his blazer. "What do you plan on doing?"

I picked up my glass and shrugged. "I don't know."

"Are you going to co-parent?"

I took another shot and held the alcohol in my mouth, letting it burn before swallowing. "We're on each other's throats half the time. I don't think that'll work."

"Why don't you just marry her?"

I choked. "Dude, I literally just said we're on each other's throat all the time."

The idea was terrifying and quite frankly I wasn't ready for it. There was no way in hell I was going to stop enjoying the premium blessings that came with my good looks and start fucking the same pussy every night. Hell, I'd have to start worrying about someone else but myself. That was so much responsibility, so much expectation. I wasn't ready and I don't think I'd ever be.

"I know it's a bit delusional but I want you to consider this Killian," Brad offered, distracting my thoughts when he added, "I think this baby might be what you need to heal."

"Heal?" My shoulders tensed. "Do I look sick or broken to you?"

"You know what I mean," he replied with a wary expression. "After everything with Megan, don't you think maybe this could be your-"

"Stop." I clenched my teeth. "Don't bring up Megan's name."

He shook his head. "You still haven't let go. Killian, she-"

"Stop!" I splayed my hand harshly against the counter, anger coiling in the pit of my stomach.

"Hey, hey," he held up his hands in defeat. "I'm sorry, okay? I overstepped."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "I'm sorry, I just... I don't need you bringing up the past. Not now."

"Alright, I'm sorry." He tapped the counter, signaling the bartender for another shot. "But I still think you should marry her."

"I don't want to get married."

"No one said it has to be a real one."

"What do you mean?"

Brad downed his shot. "I don't usually suggest this to my clients but you can get her to sign some contracts, add in a prenup paper, fake a wedding and then when the baby is out, give it a few months then you can both part ways."

I expelled a long breath, silently protesting the two possible futures outlined for me.

I couldn't deny that it added up.

An official union would save my family the embarrassment and ensure that they understood I turned over a new, more responsible leaf.

"Think of it this way," he added. "You convince your parents that you're legally getting married, rush the wedding in a small church, and then give it a month before you announce her pregnancy. After birth, when the baby is what? Three, four months old, you break the sad news that the marriage isn't going to work out and boom, you're done. You can co-parent or file for total custody. It's a win-win either way and it'll definitely get those snarky reporters off your ass and make your grandfather happy."

Grandfather. He'd finally agree to his surgery and leave my life the fuck alone.

I stared at my friend in astonishment. "Didn't know you could be this cunning."

He chuckled. "We can't all be rich dicks like you Killian, it comes with the job. I'll forward the contract file to your email. Get her to sign them and your problem is solved."

I wrestled with my inner thoughts. I'd deal with the consequences later, right now, I needed to fix things.