She's Beautiful And Mine (gxg)

Chapter Forty Eight: Young And Stupid.

Harley

I sat back on the couch and relaxed as Samantha continued to drink wine.

It'd been twelve fucking years. And here she was. In my home. With me, having divorced her husband of eight years.

Hard to fucking believe.

I stared at her naturally red lips, long brown hair, blue-green eyes, defined eyebrows.

She still looked the same. Older. But still the fucking same.

And it was driving me insane that after all this time, everything in the past was finally where it was supposed to be: in the past.

All those people keeping us apart, all that trauma, all the abuse, everything was healed and some of it erased with time.

She was mine for such a small but turbulent piece of my life and then she was torn away. And now she was back. By some miraculous twist of fate.

And the feelings were still there. They were stronger, even, despite the changes that might be prevalent in each of us. Despite the fact that she is not the same old Samantha anymore. And I am not the same old Harley.

Of course, we still are. But time changes people. And the fact that I still loved her despite that left me breathless.

"Maybe it was better this way, huh?" I said.

"Why would you think that?" she asked, looking over at me. "I made the choices that I made because, ultimately, I was a coward, scared to leave my parents, scared to fully leave this perfect, safe bubble that I'd lived in all my life, scared of being hated."

"And I didn't bother fighting either because there was so much going on, so much crap, everything with my past abuse and Norah and the bullying and the hate and I just. . . I felt too. . . damaged to be loved by someone like you at the time."

"Why didn't we open up about this with each other?" she asked, chuckling lightly and resting her head on my shoulder again.

"Because we were young and stupid. And we weren't fully aware about ourselves or everything in our lives."

"But somehow we're still here. Together. In love."

I let out a sigh. "I guess we are."

I could feel a smile lingering on my lips.

"Harley?" she said, her voice soft.

"Hm?"

"How did you survive that day?"

"W-what?"

"So much happened, with Norah, with me. And then if you add everything that'd alraady happened to you, I just. . . It's too much. I was worried. I still am."

"I'm healed."

"I can see that. But how did you?"

"You had a lot to do with it. You helped me through quite a bit, despite not knowing everything in detail. Just, being able to love you was enough to help me. But once you left, I. . . broke down. And my mom put me into therapy. It lasted a couple of years and by the end of it, I was much better. I put everything out on the table, got through it, did my best, and healed."

She wrapped her arms around me, holding me close.

"I'm glad to hear that."

"I couldn't get over you though, despite it all. That was the one thing therapy couldn't fix. I couldn't think about other women the way I felt about you. You made me fucking celibate."

She laughed.

"Don't fucking laugh, it's not funny," I said, chuckling despite what I said. "I didn't think we'd meet again and I thought it's best to just live alone. Like I said, I still felt unworthy, despite my love for you."

"Damn," she breathed out, looking up at me.

I looked down at her and then pressed a kiss to her temple.

"But fuck it all, am I right? You're here now. With me. I was wrong."

"Yeah, you were," she said, smiling.

"I'm curious about one other thing. This is a bit of an odd question to be honest. . ."

"That's alright," I said. "Ask away."

"How do you feel about Norah? Like, the whole experience."

"What do you mean?"

"Your relationship with her. What does it mean to you?"

"That's an odd question."

"I warned you," she said, chuckling.

"I. . . talked about her a lot with my therapist. . . and what I concluded is that. . . she was never healthy for me. Our relationship was always toxic, even before we ever got together, during the relationship, after the relationship, everything about us was toxic. I don't think all of it was intentional though. She was going through a lot. And so was I. It's just. . . we would've been much better off without ever meeting each other but at the same time, she taught me about all the things a relationship shouldn't have. The weirdest thing is that it doesn't feel as terrible when you're with that person. You make up excuses, you spin stories to somehow convince yourself that everything's fine and you act all happy but in reality, it's terrible and deep down, you know it, but you don't know what to do about it because you love this person despite everything."

Sam nodded and hummed in agreement.

"I'm glad you were able to figure all that out."

"Thanks," I replied, smiling, feeling proud of myself.

There was silence for a while.

"I still can't believe you're here," I said, chuckling lightly.

"Me neither."

There was silence again. She placed a hand on my thigh and started tracing small patterns on the fabric of my robe.

"What do you want to do tonight?" I mumbled, breathing her in.

She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"Something along the lines of that, thank you very much," she said, getting on top of me, straddling my waist.

"Oh, really?" I whispered in her ear, my voice lower than usual.

I could hear her heart beat faster.

"Kiss me," she breathed out.

"Where?" I asked, burying my face in her neck.

"Right there," she said, closing her eyes.

I pressed a swift kiss to her collarbone and she inhaled deeply, leaning into my touch.

I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my lips against hers, kissing her like my life depended on it.

She kissed me back with just as much energy, holding me close.

Just like old times.

"I want you," she whispered.

"How much do you want me?" I asked, my breath caressing her skin.

"P-please," she whimpered, holding me impossibly closer. "Please."

"I guess it's gonna be a long night, huh?" I said, chuckling, pressing soft kisses to her neck as she moaned softly and then staring into her eyes.

She only smiled a small smile in response.

***

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Love,

queenred