Coincidences |A Namjoon FF | (completed✓)

44- Thoughts

Her POV

I walk into his studio armed with snacks.

"What is this?!" He asks with an amused smile

"Well I thought we could watch a movie or something. Or just eat snacks cause why the hell not?"

"You just wanted an excuse to buy so many snacks didn't you" he says, raising an eyebrow

"No!..... Maybe~. Hey! At least I'm sharing! You can't complain!"

He laughs as he raises his hands in surrender

"Why aren't you back at the dorms? You're leaving tomorrow aren't you?"

"Ahh but staying in the studio motivates me to work for at least a while" he says as he looks down

I nod my head in understanding.
Inspiration could hit you anytime, and being near your tools was always a plus.
That's why I always carried my art supplies around.

He looks at his set up for a while before standing up and giving me a hand

"Do you want to get out of here?"

I take his hand and we put on our coats, heading out to a nearby secluded park that we had come to love.

We stand amongst the trees and I take a deep breath of the crisp January air on a cloudy day.

"Ayanna..."

I look at him and I see he's staring into the distance, a sad look on his face. I take his hand in mine as reassurance and look at him with a smile.

"I-" he starts and I see a tear roll down his cheek

I try to keep the worry off of my face as I stick closer to him and his breath hitches as he looks up, trying to hold back.

"Let go~" I whisper

And he does... Bending down so that his head is on my shoulder, burying his face in my scarf, sobs wracking his body.

"I- I'm a mess-" he says between sobs

"Come Joonie... We have a lot to talk about~" I say as I gently separate him from me and we make our way to my apartment.

......

We settle down on my bed, his head on my lap as he looks at the walls with a sadness I want to understand

"What- what happened Joonie?" I coo while stroking his hair

"I don't know..." He whispers, his voice cracking

"Ahh... It's okay.. it's okay if you don't know.."

We sit there in silence as he lets out a sigh

"I'm sorry I'm like this today.. I just wanted to spend a day with you happily before I left and I'm like this-"

"Hush now... It's okay. I'm here for you through good times and bad. You don't have to be sorry... Never be sorry for feeling what you feel, okay?"

He gives me a tiny nod.

"Sometimes, sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart. I don't know how I hold myself together. I'm terrified... Terrified of the prospect that I'm not good enough and that I never will be. That I don't deserve to be here... That I'm an imposter. And people tell me all the time that I'm not good enough to be a part of BTS. And I know I shouldn't bother with them..but, but- what if it's true?"

I wait a while to make sure he has finished voicing his thoughts

"You know, just as well as I do, that you're more than enough to be a part of BTS, or the music industry for that matter. You're extremely gifted and you've worked on your skills so much that you're on par with the best of them, if you don't believe me when I say, that you are in fact, one of the best out there... And I get it that you don't  rest have control over the thoughts you have. That's the thing about these thoughts. They're so annoying and try don't get out of your head. But the important thing is... You shouldn't let your thoughts control you..."