chapter 27 - part 2

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"All that you are is all that I'll ever need." - Ed Sheeran

27.

I felt shivers all over my body as he moved closer to me.

"At that moment I just wanted to declare you as my mate in front of everyone. I was absolutely ecstatic, full of joy - I became an Alpha and found my mate in one single night. But that was short-lived because my father's voice rang in my head. I had to confirm our bond because all Alphas' eyes were trained on us."

His shoulders slumped as he leaned against the bench and stretched out his legs.

"After the ceremony, they took me to a corner and told me to stay away from you. They didn't want us to mate until they could eliminate any potential threat. I was full of rage, I thought after this, they would allow us to be together and I could finally explain everything to you. But I was wrong," he scoffed. "I was the Alpha now, so all my senses were at the optimum. My wolf and I didn't want to keep you in the dark, knowing exactly how much it was hurting you. So we made a decision - we were going to tell you - Alphas be damned. It was our relationship, our choice. We should be allowed to make our own decisions. That's why I asked you to dance with me, so I could come forward with the truth but I guess I didn't word myself correctly, and you ended up rejecting me," his eyes flashed.

"You cannot imagine how hard it was for me to control myself at that moment. Silver has nothing on the pain I felt when you rejected our bond. My wolf was screaming inside my head, begging you to take us back. Then he became mad at me and just like always, isolated himself to the back of my mind, and refused to communicate, not even caring that he was an Alpha now. He was mad at me, he was mad at the Alphas. So was I, but I couldn't do anything. I lost you forever. I myself felt lost." He gulped, "and you already know what happened next, the night where I was supposed to feel the strongest and most powerful I've been, was the night I felt weak and powerless," He exhaled loudly before continuing, "And Cindy was there..." he trailed off but I stopped listening.

Cindy.

The name taunted me, and kept replaying in my mind like an echo.

That's her name. Cindy.

The nausea swirled unrestrained in my empty stomach. My head swam with half-formed regrets. It felt like someone was eating at my chest, tearing its way to my quivering heart.

"I liked her when she was just a she." I turned my head away from him, my brain making me relive the pain I went through that particular night.

"Vivian, I know that no amount of apologies can ever fix or justify what I did. I fully admit it was my fault and for that I am going to apologize anyway," he shifted his body to the side so he was now facing me directly, "I am sorry. I am terribly, terribly sorry. I hope one day, we can get past this but until then, I'm ready for whatever punishment or penalty you want to give me. I'm ready to grovel at your feet, to spend my entire life proving to you how much I regret what I did and how she meant nothing to me."

He cautiously moved his hand forward in an attempt to grab mine which was resting on the bench, but noticing his intention, I pulled it back to my lap. He looked at me with a dejected look.

"I was stupid. An absolute bastard, if I may say so myself. When you came back that night to my pack, that is when it hit me. What had I done? In that powerless state without my wolf, I had completely lost control over myself and then seeing you made me realise what I did. Fuvk," he cursed, kicking a stone which was resting next to his feet, "If I can ever forget the look on your face... and when you called me a coward, just like you used to in school, I almost collapsed... I knew it then and there - I had lost you forever." Something glistened in his eyes, "Along the way of losing you, I realised I was losing my own self too.

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