FOREVER GRATEFUL

29

"It's often just enough to be with someone. I don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone."
– Marilyn Monroe

Bella's pov

Once again going through that pain, that hurt which lives inside you because the person you loved so much is no longer with you.

He promised me forever, he promised to always be there with me, to grow old with me. But god took him away from me. So far away.

Everything hurts so much, my heart aches all the time. My eyes hurt from crying, day and night.

Why does everything I love, is taken away from me.

He left me, but I still feel him everywhere. I know he is right here with me, looking after me.

The only thing keeping me sane right now, is my baby, our baby. Because of it I can still feel that I have a part of him left inside me.

Everyone knows about it now, because Jacob mentioned it. His mom booked an appointment for me, and it was the only good thing left in their life as well. Both of them were happy about the fact that I am carrying Jacob's baby.

They told me yesterday that I and the baby is all what matters to them now, and that they want to take care of me, in a manner which Jacob would've done.

It's been two days, 48 hours of not speaking a word or even moving to take a shower. Don't worry, I did eat a little bit for our baby, I remember my promise to him. I can't afford to lose this baby, it's all I have got.

From the last 48 hours I have just been sitting in Jacob's room and going through our pictures which he captured. His mom gave me a new phone with all the data from his phone, said that he wanted me to have it.

I now understand the importance of these pictures, and am thankful that he captured all these moment of our's. By looking at them, I can feel each and every one of those moment again. Though I don't need pictures to remember him, whenever I close my eyes, there he is smiling at me.

I know that life is going to be difficult from now on but I don't have that kind of strength left anymore. But I will have to be strong, for him, for our baby.

Xander and Cole are downstairs as well, both broken as well. They lost their childhood friend, who was a brother to them. They have known him for their entire life and suddenly he is not here anymore.

Taylor keeps coming here as well, she is the only one acting responsible. She brings food for everyone, makes sure no one sleeps with an empty stomach. But what she doesn't know is that no one has been sleeping.

Everyone is just trying to cope up in their own space.

Today is the doctor's appointment, so I decide to pull myself together and take a shower. I take out Jacob's shirt to wear, they have been helping me a bit too.

I put my hand over my stomach and start to talk to my baby, "Hi baby, I am your mom. I want to let you know that I love you so much, and I'll never let anything bad happen to you. Both of your parents love you a lot, though papa can't talk to you like me, I know he loves you and will watch over you from heaven. Today we are going to our first doctor's appointment, to make sure that you are okay." My voice breaks at the mention of Jacob. He would've loved to go to this appointment with me, he would've taken my hand in his and would've told me that everything will be okay cupcake. I need that now Jacob. I need you.

I come downstairs with the phone in my hand, I decided to capture every moment of our baby. Jacob would've done it.

"Bella" whispers Xander, after seeing me, "I am going to the hospital with Jacob's mom, for my appointment" I inform him, I know he is worried about me, I can see it on his face.

"Can I come with you?" He asks. I nod at him in reply, i know Jacob told him to look after me and our baby which is the reason why he is asking. That's why I don't complain about it.

We reach at the hospital soon, the doctor does some tests first, then after a while, we are seated with her to discuss further steps.

Ms Laura starts explaining us "Your baby looks good as of now, but you have to be very careful as chances for miscarriage is more during the early months. I would prescribe you with some medicine which will help with your body's nutrition." Then she looks over Xander, she smiles and continues, "you'll have to take extra care of her, I know teenage pregnancy can be hard, but I am glad you have each other."

"We are not together, and this is not his baby." I reply to her as kindly as possible.

I hated the fact that she just assumed that. This baby is Jacob's, I can't have any other name associated with it ever.

"Oh I am sorry" she apologizes instantly, "It's my son's child Laura" Mrs Williams informs her. Laura knows her personally and thus knows about Jacob as well.

"Oh dear, this must be very tough for you. We all are here for you. Just remember that you'll have to take extra care of yourself for the child." Laura says to me and I nod at her, not knowing what more to say.

I know I have to take care of myself, I know how much this baby means to me. I am just tired of the pain.

Anyways I do click a picture of my file, as a memory. I'll collect all of them for our baby.
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